Daily Promise

Zeile

Member
Day 55 - I’ll say it’s quite a bit easier than when I started. I mean, I forgot to post for the first time yesterday which is a double edged sword. Not obsessing but can’t get complacent. I think deleting Instagram was a GREAT move for me. Make bad habits harder to access.
With school starting and being fully present for my kids until 7:30pm, I’ve been super busy so not a ton of bored time for urges. Just stressed and not sleeping well. Having to develop curriculum as I go is fucking exhausting and never ending. Today, I started teaching a chess workshop which filled my bucket. Super fun playing with beginners and helping them understand my moves and providing takebacks when they blow it.
I don’t know. Things are going well pornwise, but I know I must remain committed. Th
Thanks for checking in :)
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Day 55 - I’ll say it’s quite a bit easier than when I started. I mean, I forgot to post for the first time yesterday which is a double edged sword. Not obsessing but can’t get complacent. I think deleting Instagram was a GREAT move for me. Make bad habits harder to access.
With school starting and being fully present for my kids until 7:30pm, I’ve been super busy so not a ton of bored time for urges. Just stressed and not sleeping well. Having to develop curriculum as I go is fucking exhausting and never ending. Today, I started teaching a chess workshop which filled my bucket. Super fun playing with beginners and helping them understand my moves and providing takebacks when they blow it.
I don’t know. Things are going well pornwise, but I know I must remain committed. Th
Thanks for checking in :)

Hi @Zeile,
What you wrote here is what I would call ideal for recovery:
1. Keeping busy
2. Helping others
3. Achievements and completions
4. Happiness in activity

I would like to add please
1. Constant self recognition
2. Weekends in the sun
3. Lots of rest and sleep

Our aim is the long run, and the path is to develop and live a healthy and sustainable lifestyle that has absolutely no need for external addictive support.

So think not of the commitment to stay clean.
Think instead what are the good you can continue to do for yourself and make your life something you want and enjoy all the time.
 

Zeile

Member
Hi @Zeile,
What you wrote here is what I would call ideal for recovery:
1. Keeping busy
2. Helping others
3. Achievements and completions
4. Happiness in activity

I would like to add please
1. Constant self recognition
2. Weekends in the sun
3. Lots of rest and sleep

Our aim is the long run, and the path is to develop and live a healthy and sustainable lifestyle that has absolutely no need for external addictive support.

So think not of the commitment to stay clean.
Think instead what are the good you can continue to do for yourself and make your life something you want and enjoy all the time.
Hell yes. Especially to constant self recognition. I beat the shit out of myself mentally. I do so much good for my family and many of the kids at my school. I will celebrate successes.
 

Zeile

Member
Day 57 - and day 58 tomorrow. No porn for me.

I quit drinking 53 days ago as well. Was feeling like having a beer this evening, but I had committed to no alcohol on a different forum, so not a possibility. Beer was never a huge issue for me, just something I enjoyed. I was starting to drink during the weekday nights though - just one or two, so wanted to nip it in the bud. Considered quitting forever, but I think I'll just shoot for 100 days for now and then revisit.

Porn on the other hand, this is not a "revisit later" issue. I plan to 100% cut that porn out for good. It has no place in my life. Evil, filthy, smut I tells ya.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
With you all the way @Zeile . Impressive. And dual reboot on alcohol. You love the discipline, you really do. Keep going.
 

Zeile

Member
With you all the way @Zeile . Impressive. And dual reboot on alcohol. You love the discipline, you really do. Keep going.
I love the sanctity of my word. If I break my word with the alcohol forum, I can justify breaking my word here as well.
That said, I’m conflicted with the alcohol forum. If I choose to allow myself beers on certain occasions, I don’t want to share that with recovering alcoholics. I want to be honest but not weaken their resolve. I will probably thank them for the support and explain that it’s time for me to go my own way. Or just 👻
When I’m ready to pull away from this site, I’ll lay it all on the table. I have nothing to fear or hide when it comes to my future relationship with porn.
 

Zeile

Member
As an alcoholic, I am happy you are not one and can enjoy it! I can imagine a few beers might lower your resolve with porn though..
I have a pretty strong history of alcoholism on my mom’s side. I am a light drinker, but I think I have the potential to lose control with alcohol, so I’m conflicted about how to handle my future.
The thing I hate most about porn is the hiding, personal shame, and damage to my relationship with my wife. None of that defines my relationship with beer. Fucking porn, man…Shit sucks.
 

Zeile

Member
I love the sanctity of my word. If I break my word with the alcohol forum, I can justify breaking my word here as well.
That said, I’m conflicted with the alcohol forum. If I choose to allow myself beers on certain occasions, I don’t want to share that with recovering alcoholics. I want to be honest but not weaken their resolve. I will probably thank them for the support and explain that it’s time for me to go my own way. Or just 👻
When I’m ready to pull away from this site, I’ll lay it all on the table. I have nothing to fear or hide when it comes to my future relationship with porn.
Funny thing - I post to this site using a private browser. I don't want it showing up if my kids use my computer to search anything up. Sharing the positive choice of quitting porn requires sharing a past of viewing porn. I haven't even shared with my wife that I'm doing this. I need to do have that conversation. Two months in, and I'm probably on step 4 were this a 12 step program. Step 5 is defined by integrity - admitting to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Any advice in that arena would be appreciated.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
@Zeile . The advice is so simple. Unless telling your wife would be catastrophic, you just do it. Trust. She will trust you more afterwards and you will feel better for having revealed the secret. I also told my kids who are 20, 17 and 17. I confront so many things now without fear. In the old days if my wife said “we need to talk about something“ I would freeze inside and wonder which of my hidden flaws she was exposing. If she says that today, I just wonder if we’re talking about the cost of living crisis!
 
Hi @Zeile, I agree with @GBS you will feel better for revealing the secret, I'm sure it's weighing on you, even if it's just on a subconscious level.
I had a quick read through your original post and this is how I would handle it, and what I would of liked to hear as a partner.

I would open things up by saying 'you know how you've been struggling with something, well I've been struggling with something too, and I'd really like to talk to you about it', you then explain it too her, and don't play down your recovery and your journey, in amongst the confusion and shock she may feel, this may well be the thing that gives her some hope.

Once the dust settles, how ever long that takes, I would then go back at a later stage and express how much you want to work on your romantic connection and intimacy with her.

Good luck fella, I'm here if you need anymore advice from a Woman's perspective:)
 
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