Reclamation

Profoundly-deep, radical honesty with self and safe others is vital and the ONLY way to address reality. Healthy vulnerability is essential. What areas of my life am I not being self-honest in? Am I willing to here? Did I act against my true character, morality or values today? For example work gossip? Any blind-spots?
I need to let go of my toxic, entitled, narcissistic ex once and for all, entirely. I thought I loved her still above all else but in reality I had a toxic traumatic bond from emotional scars and the regrets of how my brain caused me to act in relationship. I hate her and I'm not ashamed to say that. I need to move on. I've been letting myself slip in my vigilance

Being on track is an urgent, top-priority but the process requires patience. There can't be any half-measures or nothing will change. Am I taking this seriously enough? Am I committed 100%? Do I remember I’ll die and that life/time is short/finite? Am I willing to make sacrifices to get to recovery? I'm sacrificing so much life already anyway... Do I remember that awareness alone isn't enough? Have I been slipping round the edges of the behavior in terms of vigilance and creeping towards ways of getting sneaky dopamine? Have I been going all in with programs I'm doing?
I want to recommit every 10 days. And no. I've been slipping. How? Well I've been fishing in books, using my phone in bed, thinking bad thoughts (porn recall), snooping ex partners online and edging to fantasy and having to stop. Masturbation has been giving me chasers. I also still linger on sexual content. It's the 10 day mark now so I need to do a re-evaluation of what's working well and what's not.

Have you being paying more attention towards inner change first? Healing the root and core first? For example, feelings about being behind in life and stuck?

Listening to books a little but it's very overwhelming honestly.

Do I have a sense of meaning, purpose and direction? Do I feel like I'm making any progress in this area? Did I meditate?
Yeah but I've been slipping in this area somewhat. Haven't been meditating.

The only way to fail is long-periods of giving up. Did I have any victories or setbacks? What can they teach me?
Setbacks have been mentioned above. They tell me that I still need to get better at managing side behaviors and further delaying things

Withdrawal, craving, low sociability, akathasia, flat-line and insomnia are unbearable but positive progress indicators. They are caused by the use itself. Do you have any. Any clear systems in place? Am I experiencing or managing them well, or staying busy enough? Do I have the courage to just feel the pain I feel. To feel the things I really do feel deep down? Not what I think I should?
Today I let my pain show and my awkwardness. I just let myself be me. And I'm definitely getting an increase in desire to use.

What life are you going back to when you/your brain decide to act out? What life are you going towards through recovery?
One where I was toxic and out of control. Where I was a hollow shell of myself and mistreated others. One where I objectified and obsessed over women. One where I placed an over-importance on sex.

Beyond wholeness/oneness/fulfillment, appreciating beauty, dopamine baseline, connection/belonging, well-being and secure survival, what am I truly seeking, needing or avoiding that I could also add here? Can I think of any other needs/states I’m truly trying to reach? How can I achieve that long-term in healthier ways? What positive but misdirected qualities are driving some of my behavior?
I want to appreciate beauty, I want to feel regulated and safe inside. I want to be high on brain chemistry. I want a high. So I need to find natural long term pleasures.

Did you practice cooking or at least eat well and stay hydrated? Replaced caffeine? Sweeteners? Fast food? What could you do different tomorrow?
Didn't pracitse today no. Ate averagely. Still hooked on all the bad habits. Nothing's changed in this arena.

Have you been prioritizing real human connection? Especially important and meaningful ones? Staying inspired is essential. Reading success stories for example? Have I been engaged much with this community, Fortify or any real life ones? Consumed uplifting media? Nobody can do this without hope, guidance, inspiration and supportive community. Have you been engaging with these? Do you have support?
I'm getting better at socialising through my anxiety but I still always go away with the sense nobody in the real really knows or gets me.

Can I move forward, accepting the past is the past, forgiving myself and others and returning to the present? Do I seek reassurance a lot still? Do I stand up for myself and others well? Do I acknowledge my limitations to myself or others? What are my current levels of shame, assertiveness/self-protection, self-compassion, self-patience and overall acceptance? Am I still trying to please others and meet high self/other standards? Do I accept some level of status will always be important still though?
Deep down, I feel very vulnerable and insecure still. It's gonna be a long time before I feel comfortable in my skin but recovery is a major part of all that.

Have you been physically active and working on your posture? Mobility? Trauma release? Body scans? What's the plan?
No but shit I need to do this next. For my spiritual, trauma healing, age issue prevention, longevity, brain function, pain prevention, better breathing, posture and pelvic function...

Sleep deprivation is irreversible but also a part of withdrawal. Are you maintaining a good, consistent circadian rest/wake-up routine? Have you been using your phone on your bed? Do you remember how it makes you feel tomorrow? What needs to change?
I need to stick to a "no-matter what" set of rules and routines. Non-negotiable.

Humans naturally seek pleasure and avoid pain. Have I found mindfulness and equanimity and allowed suffering instead? There is a full spectrum of emotions to be felt. The HPA stress response is heightened by this addiction. You have a lot of emotion and trauma trapped in you. Did you manage stress in healthy ways?
I allowed my emotions today. But as the day progressed I beat myself up over my social mutism. I need to be kind to myself.

Did I do a lot of walking as a form of avoidance today? Or did I maintain limits?
It was okay.

You need to outgrown porn and have a higher, mature perspective on sexuality. What are your current views around porn and sexuality? Have you been responding to sexual feelings in ways that feel responsible and healthy?
Not fully. I need to get back on track. I don't need to be discouraged by that fact either.

What are my current hobbies? Have I been engaging in them as much as I want? What are some hobbies you’re still meaning to get into Did I try anything new? Any new experiences or places? Did I try anything new? Any new experiences or places? Spent time learning something new (ideas, skills, practices)?
I reached out to some local bands to see if any needed members. I'm gonna keep on trying.

You will become complacent as you experience success, how will you counter this over the years and lifetime? What areas am I getting too complacent in/feeling too safe about now? Have you accepted this is for life now? Do you get tempted to move on from this? You may feel like you're successful and want to jump to another thing, how will you come back? You will also think you're not at risk, how will you remind yourself?
Fortify and Habitica are helping me. I have non-punishing systems in place to put streaks on reading recovery material. I try read a bit of each a day. It's a lot but I see it as reading one big interconnected newsfeed of recovery content which isn't much different to how most people consume stuff now.

People laughed at you about not seeming optimistic. What are you grateful for today? What's generally going well? Any small/big wins? Proud of anything today?
I'm so certain of recovery and how much I want it now. I'm too old to go back to the old ways now.

Further reflections?
I'm usually tired by the time I get to these questions but they ground me now and it feels wrong not to fill this all in. At a minimum they really do have the powerful fact of being sneaky reminders in disguise of questions, but with the added bonus of a bit of reflection on my part.

Lessons from resources? Listened/read any today? Regurgitate anything off the top of my head. Lessons and (ideally immediate) actions going ahead? after reviewing the above? What intentions, truths and/or perspectives held daily, could completely change my life for the better? (Paste Fortify stuff)
Yeah. The addict brain is physically so different and if I could get a scan, I would develop brain envy of healthy control brains. I trust that if I could afford to see my own, this is what I'd see and feel.

How am I avoiding setbacks after this post? More meditation or delete all the sites, apps again etc. No phone in bed!
I'm worn out and I think I am doing better and better at only using my bed for sleep.
 
Profoundly-deep, radical honesty with self and safe others is vital and the ONLY way to address reality. Healthy vulnerability is essential. What areas of my life am I not being self-honest in? Am I willing to here? Did I act against my true character, morality or values today? For example work gossip? Any blind-spots? Am I willing to be radically self-honest/accountable (as opposed to self-deceptive or trying to appear a certain way for approval) as well as vulnerable with (the right) others? Answering at least 1 sentence per prompt? Facing reality through the spell/fog so it's truly dealt with? Holding all beliefs and ideals up to that light, scrutinizing them, identifying any blind-spots or ignored external guidance? Are you fooling yourself about anything? What exact behaviors are you addressing?
My anxious attachment is being an issue at the moment. I'm also delaying what should be immediate or urgent preventative actions. I also need to stop seeking in books and graphic novels.

Being on track is an urgent, top-priority but the process requires patience. There can't be any half-measures or nothing will change. Am I taking this seriously enough? Am I committed 100%? Do I remember I’ll die and that life/time is short/finite? Am I willing to make sacrifices to get to recovery? I'm sacrificing so much life already anyway... Do I remember that awareness alone isn't enough? Have I been slipping round the edges of the behavior in terms of vigilance and creeping towards ways of getting sneaky dopamine? Have I been going all in with programs I'm doing? Any urgent/immediate preventative behaviors you need to do right now?
I have not been going all in with the program no. I've been brushing over it.

I went right now and blocked all my workaround methods.

Have you being paying more attention towards inner change first? Healing the root and core first? For example, feelings about being behind in life and stuck?

Yes. The book McMindfulness has been deeply shifting my perspective though. Although inner stuff needs work, I also need to remember the capitalist framework I'm in, the industries targeting brain vulnerabilities and external factors that lead to the inner stuff being the issue in the first place

Do I have a sense of meaning, purpose and direction? Do I feel like I'm making any progress in this area? Did I meditate?
Didn't meditate. Been slipping on exploring purpose. Been distracted with girl brain

The only way to fail is long-periods of giving up. Did I have any victories or setbacks? What can they teach me?
No setbacks. The victories today are just me being motivated to get back on track with this all

Withdrawal, craving, low sociability, akathasia, flat-line and insomnia are unbearable but positive progress indicators. They are caused by the use itself. Do you have any. Any clear systems in place? Am I experiencing or managing them well, or staying busy enough? Do I have the courage to just feel the pain I feel. To feel the things I really do feel deep down? Not what I think I should? Past holding me back?
I do have anxiety from my latest relapse yes. Definitely dopamine related too. Past is definitely holding me back and dysregulating me, in this case, my ex.

What life are you going back to when you/your brain decide to act out? What life are you going towards through recovery?
One where I'm anxious, less attractive, less able to act on my desires. In recovery I'm confident, socially a lot better, and the opposite of all that.

Beyond wholeness/oneness/fulfillment, appreciating beauty, dopamine baseline, connection/belonging, well-being and secure survival, what am I truly seeking, needing or avoiding that I could also add here? Can I think of any other needs/states I’m truly trying to reach? How can I achieve that long-term in healthier ways? What positive but misdirected qualities are driving some of my behavior?
No. Just wanting to feel normal and like I fit in.

Did you practice cooking or at least eat well and stay hydrated? Replaced caffeine? Sweeteners? Fast food visits? What could you do different tomorrow?
I did cook tonight. Been ordering pre organized meal making kits. I didn't hydrate very well. Had a morning coffee. Tomorrow I could make a conscious effort not to consume coffee

Have you been prioritizing real human connection? Especially important and meaningful ones? Staying inspired is essential. Reading success stories for example? Have I been engaged much with this community, Fortify or any real life ones? Consumed uplifting media? Nobody can do this without hope, guidance, inspiration and supportive community. Have you been engaging with these? Do you have support?
Yeah forcing myself. Really focused on this one particular person right now though and it could be a problem

Can I move forward, accepting the past is the past, forgiving myself and others and returning to the present? Do I seek reassurance a lot still? Do I stand up for myself and others well? Do I acknowledge my limitations to myself or others? What are my current levels of shame, assertiveness/self-protection, self-compassion, self-patience and overall acceptance? Am I still trying to please others and meet high self/other standards? Do I accept some level of status will always be important still though?
Yeah it's really about time I do seriously move on. I do have a lot of limitations but I blame myself for them less and less nowadays. Shame is relational and I'm realizing how much of life is only our responsibility and not our fault.

Have you been physically active and working on your posture? Mobility? Trauma release? Body scans? What's the plan?
No but I really want to get onto this.

Sleep deprivation is irreversible but also a part of withdrawal. Are you maintaining a good, consistent circadian rest/wake-up routine? Have you been using your phone on your bed? Do you remember how it makes you feel tomorrow? What needs to change?
I haven't been focused on these last two enough.

Humans naturally seek pleasure and avoid pain. Have I found mindfulness and equanimity and allowed suffering instead? There is a full spectrum of emotions to be felt. The HPA stress response is heightened by this addiction. You have a lot of emotion and trauma trapped in you. Did you manage stress in healthy ways? Is there external influence that you can accept as not your fault?
My whole perspective is changing so much that I might need to reevaluate this whole question.

Did I do a lot of walking as a form of avoidance today? Or did I maintain limits?
Was too bust at work.

You need to outgrown porn and have a higher, mature perspective on sexuality. What are your current views around porn and sexuality? Have you been responding to sexual feelings in ways that feel responsible and healthy?
It's just a part of life. One that happens to become addictive if you have supernormal forms of it. It's industry driven and corrupt. It's the junk food of digital media and there's no nutritional value. I am pursuing a girl I'm interested in as a person. She's beautiful but I also love her mind

What are my current hobbies? Have I been engaging in them as much as I want? What are some hobbies you’re still meaning to get into Did I try anything new? Any new experiences or places? Did I try anything new? Any new experiences or places? Spent time learning something new (ideas, skills, practices)?
There were attempts to join bands. I'm accepting more and more that I'm not that social and it's okay. I still need friends. Also, many hobbies I want to start will cost money so I need to think long and hard

You will become complacent as you experience success, how will you counter this over the years and lifetime? What areas am I getting too complacent in/feeling too safe about now? Have you accepted this is for life now? Do you get tempted to move on from this? You may feel like you're successful and want to jump to another thing, how will you come back? You will also think you're not at risk, how will you remind yourself?
I'm just generally slipping in my attention to the reboot. I just don't have that initial burst of enthusiasm anymore. I need to help others in that case

People laughed at you about not seeming optimistic. What are you grateful for today? What's generally going well? Any small/big wins? Proud of anything today?
Despite messing it up, I was brave enough to ask her to the movies. She said one day she'd be keen though

Further reflections?
I really need to work on my anxious attachment. But in reality I need to focus on recovery because that's the true issue here.

Lessons from resources? Listened/read any today? Regurgitate anything off the top of my head. Lessons and (ideally immediate) actions going ahead? after reviewing the above?
Mainly that shame is relational. It's caused by upbrining and dysregulating others. It's at the root of most issues.

How am I avoiding setbacks after this post? More meditation or delete all the sites, apps again etc. No phone in bed!
I'm tired enough to just go to sleep after all this...
 
Profoundly-deep, radical honesty with self and safe others is vital and the ONLY way to address reality. Healthy vulnerability is essential. What areas of my life am I not being self-honest in? Am I willing to here? Did I act against my true character, morality or values today? For example work gossip? Any blind-spots? Am I willing to be radically self-honest/accountable (as opposed to self-deceptive or trying to appear a certain way for approval) as well as vulnerable with (the right) others? Answering at least 1 sentence per prompt? Facing reality through the spell/fog so it's truly dealt with? Holding all beliefs and ideals up to that light, scrutinizing them, identifying any blind-spots or ignored external guidance? Are you fooling yourself about anything? What exact behaviors are you addressing?
I've got extremely high standards for myself but it's all relevant stuff. I need to sort specific root things and there's so many of them for me, I never know where to start and where to go all in. It's always a blur.
 
Profoundly-deep, radical honesty with self and safe others is vital and the ONLY way to address reality. Healthy vulnerability is essential. What areas of my life am I not being self-honest in? Am I willing to here? Did I act against my true character, morality or values today? For example work gossip? Any blind-spots? Am I willing to be radically self-honest/accountable (as opposed to self-deceptive or trying to appear a certain way for approval) as well as vulnerable with (the right) others? Answering at least 1 sentence per prompt? Facing reality through the spell/fog so it's truly dealt with? Holding all beliefs and ideals up to that light, scrutinizing them, identifying any blind-spots or ignored external guidance? Are you fooling yourself about anything? What exact behaviors are you addressing?
At work I'm so much of a pleaser and so inhibited that nobody knows me and I feel invisible and stressed a majority of the time. The idea they've now developed of me is highly inaccurate. And it does bug me a lot. The past few days I'd been relapsing like crazy with hard binging. I've been considering sex workers again and had relapses with dating apps the past few days.

Being on track is an urgent, top-priority but the process requires patience. There can't be any half-measures or nothing will change. Am I taking this seriously enough? Am I committed 100%? Do I remember I’ll die and that life/time is short/finite? Am I willing to make sacrifices to get to recovery? I'm sacrificing so much life already anyway... Do I remember that awareness alone isn't enough? Have I been slipping round the edges of the behavior in terms of vigilance and creeping towards ways of getting sneaky dopamine? Have I been going all in with programs I'm doing? Any urgent/immediate preventative behaviors you need to do right now?
I need to block my ways of working around my filters more thoroughly when I'm not triggered. I DO need to bring my focus back on to recovery again too, yes.

Connections to your emotional life?
Thinking about my ex and my anxious attachment have both been relapse triggers lately.

Have you being paying more attention towards inner change first? Healing the root and core first? For example, feelings about being behind in life and stuck?
I've been off track somewhat. I'm back on it now.

Do I have a sense of meaning, purpose and direction? Do I feel like I'm making any progress in this area? Did I meditate? Am I prioritizing this even when I'm not in the mood?
That last part is the important part. And the answer is no.

The only way to fail is long-periods of giving up. Did I have any victories or setbacks? What can they teach me?

I had victory today. I think it has taught me the hangover effect of relapse and how bad I feel for days after them.

Withdrawal, craving, low sociability, akathasia, flat-line and insomnia are unbearable but positive progress indicators. They are caused by the use itself. Do you have any. Any clear systems in place? Am I experiencing or managing them well, or staying busy enough? Do I have the courage to just feel the pain I feel. To feel the things I really do feel deep down? Not what I think I should? Past holding me back?
I now know that mindfulness without ethics and compassion is not useful. I need to explore Buddhist style teachings very seriously again.

What life are you going back to when you/your brain decide to act out? What life are you going towards through recovery?
With relapse I'm a mess. I'm a social mess that people misunderstand and misinterpret. I'm full of shame. In recovery I feel natural rewards so well and life goes so smoothly.

Beyond wholeness/oneness/fulfillment, appreciating beauty, dopamine baseline, connection/belonging, well-being and secure survival, what am I truly seeking, needing or avoiding that I could also add here? Can I think of any other needs/states I’m truly trying to reach? How can I achieve that long-term in healthier ways? What positive but misdirected qualities are driving some of my behavior?
I'm wanting that feeling that everything in life is fine right now as it is and I don't need to worry. So more serotonin basically.

Did you practice cooking or at least eat well and stay hydrated? Replaced caffeine? Sweeteners? Fast food visits? What could you do different tomorrow?
I ate out with my sister. But other than that I ate total shit and had fast food. I've restarted my habit tracking following some better scientific guidance this time.

Have you been prioritizing real human connection? Especially important and meaningful ones? Staying inspired is essential. Reading success stories for example? Have I been engaged much with this community, Fortify or any real life ones? Consumed uplifting media? Nobody can do this without hope, guidance, inspiration and supportive community. Have you been engaging with these? Do you have support?
Yeah despite feeling gross I've really been forcing my socializing. But no, no online stuff really.

Can I move forward, accepting the past is the past, forgiving myself and others and returning to the present? Do I seek reassurance a lot still? Do I stand up for myself and others well? Do I acknowledge my limitations to myself or others? What are my current levels of shame, assertiveness/self-protection, self-compassion, self-patience and overall acceptance? Am I still trying to please others and meet high self/other standards? Do I accept some level of status will always be important still though?
Getting better on this front. Slowly.

Have you been physically active and working on your posture? Mobility? Trauma release? Body scans? What's the plan?
No but I've been also moving towards this more again.

Sleep deprivation is irreversible but also a part of withdrawal. Are you maintaining a good, consistent circadian rest/wake-up routine? Have you been using your phone on your bed? Do you remember how it makes you feel tomorrow? What needs to change?
I really, really need a rule that's more consistent and set.

Humans naturally seek pleasure and avoid pain. Have I found mindfulness and equanimity and allowed suffering instead? There is a full spectrum of emotions to be felt. The HPA stress response is heightened by this addiction. You have a lot of emotion and trauma trapped in you. Did you manage stress in healthy ways? Is there external influence that you can accept as not your fault?
I do acknowledge what wasn't my fault a lot more now.

Did I do a lot of walking or food as a form of avoidance today? Or did I maintain limits?
I do walk a lot still. Sugar has been bad lately.

You need to outgrown porn and have a higher, mature perspective on sexuality. What are your current views around porn and sexuality? Have you been responding to sexual feelings in ways that feel responsible and healthy?
Same as last little while. Sex is fine. It's just whatever to me. I feel pangs of missing out but that's about it. Porn I accept that it exists but in the forms it's now in, not so much.

What are my current hobbies? Have I been engaging in them as much as I want? What are some hobbies you’re still meaning to get into Did I try anything new? Any new experiences or places? Did I try anything new? Any new experiences or places? Spent time learning something new (ideas, skills, practices)?
Zero motivation lately.

You will become complacent as you experience success, how will you counter this over the years and lifetime? What areas am I getting too complacent in/feeling too safe about now? Have you accepted this is for life now? Do you get tempted to move on from this? You may feel like you're successful and want to jump to another thing, how will you come back? You will also think you're not at risk, how will you remind yourself?
I need to remember that the times where I feel okay are just me at higher levels but that there are still multiple levels to go and layers of reinforcement to establish.

People laughed at you about not seeming optimistic. What are you grateful for today? What's generally going well? Any small/big wins? Proud of anything today?
I was more accepting of my appearance today.

Lessons from resources? Listened/read any today? Regurgitate anything off the top of my head. Lessons and (ideally immediate) actions going ahead? after reviewing the above?
Caffeine restricts bloodflow to the addicted parts of the brain making things worse.

How am I avoiding setbacks after this post? More meditation or delete all the sites, apps again etc. No phone in bed!
I'll be going to sleep.
 
Profoundly-deep, radical honesty with self and safe others is vital and the ONLY way to address reality. Healthy vulnerability is essential. What areas of my life am I not being self-honest in? Am I willing to here? Did I act against my true character, morality or values today? For example work gossip? Any blind-spots? Am I willing to be radically self-honest/accountable (as opposed to self-deceptive or trying to appear a certain way for approval) as well as vulnerable with (the right) others? Answering at least 1 sentence per prompt? Facing reality through the spell/fog so it's truly dealt with? Holding all beliefs and ideals up to that light, scrutinizing them, identifying any blind-spots or ignored external guidance? Are you fooling yourself about anything? What exact behaviors are you addressing?
Okay so I'm not as over my ex as I thought but at the same time I one hundred percent am. I just really need to cut off the last bit of the roots. I'm being more emotionally honest at work and that's working out for me okay. I need to quit dating apps, sexual seeking, porn, seeking in books when I see them.

Being on track is an urgent, top-priority but the process requires patience. There can't be any half-measures or nothing will change. Am I taking this seriously enough? Am I committed 100%? Do I remember I’ll die and that life/time is short/finite? Am I willing to make sacrifices to get to recovery? I'm sacrificing so much life already anyway... Do I remember that awareness alone isn't enough? Have I been slipping round the edges of the behavior in terms of vigilance and creeping towards ways of getting sneaky dopamine? Have I been going all in with programs I'm doing? Any urgent/immediate preventative behaviors you need to do right now?

Just went and did some more blocking. Gonna restart the Fortify program module I was doing and go deeper on it this time.

Connections to your emotional life?

Same as yesterday.

Have you being paying more attention towards inner change first? Healing the root and core first? For example, feelings about being behind in life and stuck?

Sort of. But not in the taking action sense.

Do I have a sense of meaning, purpose and direction? Do I feel like I'm making any progress in this area? Did I meditate? Am I prioritizing this even when I'm not in the mood?

I've slipped off track with this.

The only way to fail is long-periods of giving up. Did I have any victories or setbacks? What can they teach me?

I just need to keep using failure as feedback and keep stubbornly going. Focusing on my monthly success not day count.
 
Being on track is an urgent, top-priority but the process requires patience. There can't be any half-measures or nothing will change. Am I taking this seriously enough? Am I committed 100%? Do I remember I’ll die and that life/time is short/finite? Am I willing to make sacrifices to get to recovery? I'm sacrificing so much life already anyway... Do I remember that awareness alone isn't enough? Have I been slipping round the edges of the behavior in terms of vigilance and creeping towards ways of getting sneaky dopamine? Have I been going all in with programs I'm doing? Any urgent/immediate preventative behaviors you need to do right now?
I think I'm taking this the most serious I have in my life but there's always more I could be doing.

Withdrawal, craving, low sociability, akathasia, flat-line and insomnia are unbearable but positive progress indicators. They are caused by the use itself. Do you have any. Any clear systems in place? Am I experiencing or managing them well, or staying busy enough? Do I have the courage to just feel the pain I feel. To feel the things I really do feel deep down? Not what I think I should? Past holding me back?
Just internal restlessness for me mainly.

What life are you going back to when you/your brain decide to act out? What life are you going towards through recovery?
I go back to nervousness and being perpetually misunderstood. In recovery I am seen as I want to be.

Beyond wholeness/oneness/fulfillment, appreciating beauty, dopamine baseline, connection/belonging, well-being and secure survival, what am I truly seeking, needing or avoiding that I could also add here? Can I think of any other needs/states I’m truly trying to reach? How can I achieve that long-term in healthier ways? What positive but misdirected qualities are driving some of my behavior?
Peace.

Have you been prioritizing real human connection? Especially important and meaningful ones? Staying inspired is essential. Reading success stories for example? Have I been engaged much with this community, Fortify or any real life ones? Consumed uplifting media? Nobody can do this without hope, guidance, inspiration and supportive community. Have you been engaging with these? Do you have support?
Somewhat, although I'm currently focused on me again out of necessity.

Can I move forward, accepting the past is the past, forgiving myself and others and returning to the present? Do I seek reassurance a lot still? Do I stand up for myself and others well? Do I acknowledge my limitations to myself or others? What are my current levels of shame, assertiveness/self-protection, self-compassion, self-patience and overall acceptance? Am I still trying to please others and meet high self/other standards? Do I accept some level of status will always be important still though?
Yeah I'm moving forward a lot better.

Sleep deprivation is irreversible but also a part of withdrawal. Are you maintaining a good, consistent circadian rest/wake-up routine? Have you been using your phone on your bed? Do you remember how it makes you feel tomorrow? What needs to change?
I need to have a better routine.

Humans naturally seek pleasure and avoid pain. Have I found mindfulness and equanimity and allowed suffering instead? There is a full spectrum of emotions to be felt. The HPA stress response is heightened by this addiction. You have a lot of emotion and trauma trapped in you. Did you manage stress in healthy ways? Is there external influence that you can accept as not your fault?
I did make a slight effort to be more emotionally in tune with myself today

You will become complacent as you experience success, how will you counter this over the years and lifetime? What areas am I getting too complacent in/feeling too safe about now? Have you accepted this is for life now? Do you get tempted to move on from this? You may feel like you're successful and want to jump to another thing, how will you come back? You will also think you're not at risk, how will you remind yourself?
Just keeping it at the top of my mind and seeing how it transforms my life when I focus on it.



I am only seeking natural, mature, real-life, healthy and responsible expressions of my sexuality. Why?
Because I want my brain function back.

Higher perspectives on sexuality (outgrowing porn) - Are you responding to sexual feelings in ways that feel responsible and healthy?
It's a bonus part of life. It's natural. It's not meant to be on our mind 24/7.

Have you being paying more attention towards inner change first? Healing the root and core first?
Yes. Exploring positive disintegration theory. Childhood emotional neglect. Chronic shame books.

In all areas, am I being profoundly self-honest and addressing true reality? Any blind-spots? Healthy vulnerability with safe others?

Yes.

The only way to fail is long-periods of giving up - Victories? Setbacks? Lessons? Emotional/life-concern links?

Today was a victory day. Mainly because I don't' want the social anxiety that comes with relapse anymore.

Did I act in line with my desired true character/morality/values today?

Not really but I was mostly true to myself.

Meaning/development/purpose? Progress? Meditation? Prioritizing it even when not in the mood? Trauma release? Body scans?

No meditation but a big part of me wants to be doing it.

Current hobby initiation and engagement? Tried anything new? Experiences/Places/Learning something/Skills?

Not yet.

Cooking practice or at least eating well? Hydration? Caffeine? Sugar? Sweeteners? Fast-food?
Not tonight. Felt real lazy. All my bad habits are still in place.

Physical activity? Posture? Mobility?
Only walking. I also have an exercise ball now.

Grateful for? Proud of? Big/small wins? What's generally going well? What normally works the most?
My new friend/love interest is changing my whole world view in the best way ever.

Lessons from life, resources and reviewing this post? Immediate actions?

The theory of positive disintegration. Learning about neuro-divergence and being able to self-advocate by knowledge.

How will I avoid setbacks after this? (More meditation? Charge phone other side of room? Set more blocks or delete any apps/accounts?)

Will go brush my teeth and maybe meditate.
 
Top