Hey, so still strong with abstaining - first half of yesterday was good. I did the trip which was fun - I was a bit tired and it was pretty tiring but it was a good experience and I am glad I did it. It was useful for me to recognize that when doing activities getting out there not EVERY time is going to be sensationally good - but still getting out there, living life is great and it is also investing in relationships.
I'd say a big positive though - was how comfortable I was socially. The other people knew each other better and knew what was going on with the activities more, but I was just fine with it. Enjoying socializing okay with it if I was on the periphery at times - just being laid back and overall enjoying the trip.
Later on though, I had a falling out with a friend I hung out with quite a bit this past year. Like the bridge is scorched. I generally aim not to burn bridges - but basically the guy had been irritable and critical with me for weeks - I never responded and just let it pass.
On top of that I felt like I was investing tons into him and being very available, basically just this huge imbalance.
I don't want to go off track too much but I can sum up this guy as thus :
His last girlfriend he felt she was perfect except her face - and told her, told her she could fix the reason he would not marry her with surgery. Then he is ultra sensitive when they broke up and moping around - and basically found out she is in therapy and he crushed her confidence and now that he is over his moping he couldn't care less.
Suppose that was a read flag lol. Basically that sums him up - wanting others to change for him, he is ultra important and they are just there to please him.
I guess I needn't go into it, but I'll find the positives.
I was investing quite a bit into this guy.
Dating, real life dating and meeting women is good for me. I am pretty extroverted and can meet women. We'd often go out to do this and he was honestly holding me back massively. I'd go to his neighborhood , meet the women, be aiming to encourage him - he'd get mad at me and blame his fear on me all sorts of stuff.
I notice that tying an activity to someone who is not motivated lowers my own motivation.
For example - on my own I have many times committed to say, talking to a certain number of women a day - I'll stick to it. But when he wanted to join me and my plans then involved him - he would cancel , or not want to do it, and it was so easy for me then not to do it - and get in the habit of just not meeting girls ( or doing whatever activity/ project).
So the positives are :
Now my dating life is going to EXPLODE. I so often when out with him would hold back because I had to baby sit him.
I will be a lot more in control of my time and do what is best for my life and not working around this guys schedule
I will work on projects I have wanted to do, like perhaps starting a meetup or other groups and that is a great way for me to make new friends.
I'll aim to follow up with people who want to be my friend - and there certainly are some.
The drama of this got me a little off track - it was a pretty intense argument with things coming to a head. So I missed my workout last night but did it this morning and feel a bit drained. So, gonna perhaps read a bit after this post take the morning a bit easy but get my application done today FOR SURE and not let a few bumps take me too off track.