A journal

Hey, used to frequent here more often. Aiming to move forward and abstain.

Today - I have been a bit off track, but going to take a cold shower now and have a small amount of green tea , then do my meditation. Hopefully this will help me to be a bit more productive today.

The good news is

1) I already worked out
2) I shopped for healthy food at the grocery store
3) I ate a salad
4) I made my bed

I think focusing on what I HAVE done is an aide to building my momentum and doing more.

Ahhh - feels good to be writing again, mind clearing and a tool that I had forgotten.
Heyo, welcome back! Good to see that you already have such healthy habits! Hopefully this new journal will be a good tool in sorting out your current challenges!
Thanks so much man!

Yup really looking forward to journaling again.

Just went to part of a comedy show to get out of the house.

I feel pretty energetic - I have a nice novel. I'll simply read it out of my bed ( can be dangerous laying around in bed) until I am quite tired then I'll move to bed. Actually looking forward to the reading.

Also - will write a short email to my therapist. I got a new therapist a few months ago that is excellent and I am finding it very helpful. Very greatful I have access to such a thing.

One other thing - to get the ball rolling I committed to setting aside $100 which I will use for something enjoyable - maybe a day trip , or some activity, for achieving abstinence from now until next Friday morning and the consequence if I were to not abstain is sending that $100 to a legit evil organization that makes my blood boil. So that is a nice motivation boost right there.
Well, bit of a check in here.

Last night was good - I really enjoyed reading that book.

This morning I woke up before my alarm and made my bed, then listened to positive recordings - I spontaneously went for a bike ride to get some cardio in. So that was good.

Since then though, I've felt pretty tired. So I think the rest of the weekend I will rest my body ( I exercised a great deal yesterday)

Having written that, I already feel better. Like for me feeling a bit tired I was making a big deal of it, resisting it. But just to accept like, okay I exercised loads, my body is tired and I'll simply rest it. I feel a lot better.

That is big for me I think, so often I feel mild tiredness or discomfort and make it a huge deal in my mind, but if I accept it is no big deal and I can just be a little bit tired and it's fine.
This morning was good - I didn't " feel " like it but I made my bed, did a bit of cleaning , did some small exercises to prevent/rehab injuries and then just finished up a short meditation ( also bought milk and had a protein shake).

So got a bit done this morning - I felt so much better after doing the exercises. Now I feel a bit tired, I feel kind of bad about it - but figure, you know I did already get a decent amount I can reward myself in a healthy way - so I may lay down and read a bit, perhaps nap a bit.
Today was a very good day. I had a work related thing to do - it was great as it involved interacting a lot. I think that is a nice way to boost my mood and basically get the juices flowing.

Anyway, afterwards I shopped, then went to a meetup. I chatted with a girl on the train ride home. This was nice but the thing to watch for me is not to think about her too much - which can lead to fantasy , which can lead to worse fantasy etc. So, just being aware of that.

Anyways, I just ate a huge amount of food - but healthy food. Chicken, protein bars, mozzerela, vegetables I cooked.

Now I feel tired, but in a really good way. Like relaxed and satisfied.

I'd still like to

1) To do some speaking practice
2) Do some study
3) Maybe look into things to work on for the side business I am aiming to do.

But for now, the next bit of time I think I'll just read a bit and perhaps take a short 20 min nap at some point - just to recharge a bit. Overall real good day with good lessons -

Being active creates energy
Meetups/socializing in groups is very good for me.
Meditation - I sometimes do not like it in the moment BUT it pays off later in terms of feeling calmer, more awake and focused as well as a confidence boost
Alrighty winding down the day : I did not do all that I would have liked but I find celebrating what I did do is a good way to lead me towards doing more :

I meditated
I stretched
I foam rolled this evening ( great for my body)
I did a hypnosis recording
I sent out a message I had to send for work
I emailed therapist
I journaled in my notebook ( here as well!)
I took a nap ( this is a win! Being disciplined to nap and get real rest rather then watch tv or something
So - I have been feeling a bit scatter brained today.

Still abstinant and looking forward to that reward I'll have earned by this abstinence ( on Friday) . I am thinking that I ought to take the money out of the bank , so it is there already and does not feel like I am spending when I do.

This entry may be a bit stream of consciousness.

Anyway - How about I keep it simple and I'll just be gentle with myself and give myself credit for what I have done :

I did 30 minutes of fairly intense cardio at the gym this morning.
I spent a few minutes cleaning the living room and kitchen.
I bought a bunch of toilet paper, which I really needed
I texted my friend for support
I emailed my therapist

Critique : I have some weight to lose and my diet has been out of whack. I tried counting calories but went off the wagon with that real quick. Generally I have been fit most of my life - since my early teens or so. Gained probably 10 pounds of fat or so in the last months.

Anyway - going to fast the rest of the day. In the past I have found fasting really difficult BUT I did lean out. Anyways, jury is still out but will experiment with perhaps either fasting or dropping my carbs. My mind has been pretty out of it lately and I think that excess carbs definitely harm my focus.
Quick check in -

Achieved that goal and earned my $100 haha.
So doing it again with $200!! This time until Mon the 22nd and I have fun plans for that money.

Very good day yesterday - I scheduled my day and that was oh so helpful.

Was very energetic and fell asleep late so a bit tired - having small amounts of caffeine and adjusting schedule for day - will do a lil extra nap

THE KEY - for me to get real rest rather then moap around in half assed land
For example :

Take a 30 minute nap
Rather then end up laying around watching youtube or switching from book to book for 2 hours - still tired after but wondering where the time went.

If I need rest - get the rest! Even though my instinct wants to do nothing including not rest!