A journal

Winnerwhoabstains

Active Member
Added in visualization to my morning routine today. Visualizing makes such a difference. It just motivates me, so I pushed harder in the gym.

It is interesting, when I push harder in the gym and go to failure, I am actually less tired and sore - I don't understand it but it works ( plus I of course gain more muscle and get stronger).

I am very grateful that my gym has a sauna, I went in the sauna and also stretched.

Prior to this my mom visited and helped organized . I also have chosen a lot of stuff to throw out - what a difference. I want to make organizing and minimalism a focus for now. It's a good next step in my progress.

I have work to go out and do, I'd rather do it earlier BUT - thinking to myself to not be a perfectionist. ( it involves cold calling and I think earlier would be better) - BUT, perfect is the enemy of good and really all progress. So I'll make the calls and do it with a positive attitude! I want to make some money!
 

TypeN

Active Member
Glad to hear your mom could help you out a bit with organization dude. I have ADHD as well and I definitely relate to how it feels when one's personal spaces get unmanageable. It affects you every moment of the day but often feels like just too big of a burden to set straight.

As an aside, I really suspect our condition is a risk factor for this addiction. There's nothing quite so captivating as an endless stream of novelty for the chronically under-stimulated.

Anywho, good stuff man. Wishing you strength in the gym. 💪 I've been pushing myself to get back into my full routine too.
 

Winnerwhoabstains

Active Member
Glad to hear your mom could help you out a bit with organization dude. I have ADHD as well and I definitely relate to how it feels when one's personal spaces get unmanageable. It affects you every moment of the day but often feels like just too big of a burden to set straight.

As an aside, I really suspect our condition is a risk factor for this addiction. There's nothing quite so captivating as an endless stream of novelty for the chronically under-stimulated.

Anywho, good stuff man. Wishing you strength in the gym. 💪 I've been pushing myself to get back into my full routine too.
Thanks man! Yes 1000% ADHD is a big risk factor for addiction in general and I bet for this one for sure. The nice thing with adhd there are definetly strengths, I believe it helps me personally with sports and with public speaking. Also, another cool thing is unlike a lot of other conditions it can improve incredibly with systems like having structure systems with where stuff is etc.


Glad you brought it up, as this week is the week of focusing on getting my space better - and remembering to throw more stuff out!

I read some books on organizing, and they said organize your space first as it saves tons of time, then start organizing time. Makes sense, I feel like I could actually follow a schedule right now with the cleaner space. REALLY - I want to focus on this.
 

Winnerwhoabstains

Active Member
Last night was another night with a bit of flashbacks - those are always risky for me. What would happen is like 2 nights of that and the third I'd go into full fledged fantasy ( for me I would fantasize for hours, it is a part of the addiction for me). So anyways, good to catch it at ONE night.

I am making some green tea now, I am sensitive to caffeine - there are pros and cons to it, but the focus and energy can be useful.

I'll use it to
1) Get work done
2) Journal/ use tools to state clear headed tonight

Also : maintain the cleanliness and even improve on it
 

Winnerwhoabstains

Active Member
Just finished my video for the night - feel better about this one. My friend gave me some ideas, so I am grateful for that. Relationships really can be a help.

I also went to this awesome online motivational thing, just soo good, had not gone in forever and it was a nice boost. I want to aim to go to it a few weeks in a row. I learned a lot and was reminded of a lot.

Phew pretty tired now - which is good! Soon as video finishes uploading I'll add the thumbnail, paste the description in ( wrote it already) then set it to upload in a few hours ( so that HD has time to process).
 

Winnerwhoabstains

Active Member
Just woke up. The video from last night did a bit better than usual.

Anyways, woke up feeling tired but in a very relaxed type of way. I slept plenty. Now that I am up starting to get going.

The last few days I have been remembering my dreams and have taken brief notes on them, I am enjoying it. I have also heard it is the first step to lucid dreaming, it could be cool to lucid dream. Seems like next level visualization.

ALSO - I am really happy with last night - I read until quite tired. I started the lord of the rings, having fiction books to read is great for me a healthy mild escape.

Also, then when I finished I laid there and aimed to conciously control my thoughts, aiming to do some visualizing my goals as I fell asleep - I think that'd be a SUPER powerful habit to develop as I find visualizing powerful already, just to have some extra visualization but especially as I fall asleep I imagine is super powerful.

So I did that! Also though, my mind was wandering and I thought a bit about things that annoyed me, or concerned me a bit. But I was very aware of it and redirected my mind to the visualizaiton.

Something very cool about this is I know for sure, the level of awareness and mental control I was able to implement I did not have a few weeks ago, I have had it before.... it comes from the meditation. I have been meditating every morning just for a short time for somewhere around 2-3 weeks now and this is the fruit of that labor.

So I suppose now is the time to meditate then I'll aim to plan the day a bit. I actually think I will very briefly I'll review some notes from the lesson last night, as I am already on the computer
 

Winnerwhoabstains

Active Member
Good today - I notice a small impulse to fantasize! The old addiction trick of " good job I'll celebrate by ruining it with fantasy/ pmo alternatives".

So just going to be aware, read a bit and enjoy my zzzzsss.
 

Jochen999

Member
Just woke up. The video from last night did a bit better than usual.

Anyways, woke up feeling tired but in a very relaxed type of way. I slept plenty. Now that I am up starting to get going.

The last few days I have been remembering my dreams and have taken brief notes on them, I am enjoying it. I have also heard it is the first step to lucid dreaming, it could be cool to lucid dream. Seems like next level visualization.

ALSO - I am really happy with last night - I read until quite tired. I started the lord of the rings, having fiction books to read is great for me a healthy mild escape.

Also, then when I finished I laid there and aimed to conciously control my thoughts, aiming to do some visualizing my goals as I fell asleep - I think that'd be a SUPER powerful habit to develop as I find visualizing powerful already, just to have some extra visualization but especially as I fall asleep I imagine is super powerful.

So I did that! Also though, my mind was wandering and I thought a bit about things that annoyed me, or concerned me a bit. But I was very aware of it and redirected my mind to the visualizaiton.

Something very cool about this is I know for sure, the level of awareness and mental control I was able to implement I did not have a few weeks ago, I have had it before.... it comes from the meditation. I have been meditating every morning just for a short time for somewhere around 2-3 weeks now and this is the fruit of that labor.

So I suppose now is the time to meditate then I'll aim to plan the day a bit. I actually think I will very briefly I'll review some notes from the lesson last night, as I am already on the computer
Sounds good. I have also found that meditating is very helpful. Keep it up!
 

Winnerwhoabstains

Active Member
Quick check in - day went well. I got a good lead for a work thing - planning to meet on Monday so that is crucial - to remember that meeting.

Also I want to step it up with my videos, I can do better. Thinking how cool it will be to have my business working, I'll be so proud
 

Winnerwhoabstains

Active Member
Woah! Gotta watch out, tired feeling a bit off and having urges, sneaky ones and feelings of “who cares”
Not really feelings, more like the addiction lying.
I ALWAYS care after, lapsing it a nightmare.
I am over two weeks, have momentum in life. Lapsing KILLS my focus AND I am excited to have a totally abstinant 2023 of pmo and this is my only chance. Literally, 2023 will
Come and go , it can be an abstained year or not. I want that time building up - I want to string years, feel proud of it
 

Winnerwhoabstains

Active Member
Uggghhh over ate feels bad. Well will aim not to be "off the wagon" I still ate healthy, just mistimed my eating, used up my calories for the day, ate an extra protein bar and that turned into 3 protein bars then had a bunch of cheese and a heavy salad and some fruit. Healthy stuff but - it was like 1400 or so calories over! Wow they add up. Feels bad.

Also, feeling down and burnt out about making videos, feel like they are getting worse and I just do them to do them and am not progressing.

Well, let me get this one up. have tea tomorrow for a boost
 

TypeN

Active Member
Uggghhh over ate feels bad. Well will aim not to be "off the wagon" I still ate healthy, just mistimed my eating, used up my calories for the day, ate an extra protein bar and that turned into 3 protein bars then had a bunch of cheese and a heavy salad and some fruit. Healthy stuff but - it was like 1400 or so calories over! Wow they add up. Feels bad.

Also, feeling down and burnt out about making videos, feel like they are getting worse and I just do them to do them and am not progressing.

Well, let me get this one up. have tea tomorrow for a boost

Good job continuing to be sober man. And I don't know what your exact fitness goals are, but I think you deserve to be gentle with yourself about food. Sometimes your body just really needs something that you're unaware of; maybe just a little extra energy that you've been lacking. If you're big on fitness/dieting then I'm sure you know that one single day of deviating from your diet won't hurt you. Hell, if you were in a deficit beforehand, that amount of calories will all go to glycogen!
 

Winnerwhoabstains

Active Member
Thanks man! Yeah good point, like progress over perfection a lot of stuff is going really well.

Quick check in, feeling good today. I feel I have momentum. Will post more later.
 

Winnerwhoabstains

Active Member
So I had some stress early on being late for an appointment, lost worrying I'd look like a fool etc.

But the meeting ended up going well.

I wanted to not do boxing class but I booked the class and went. I had some time to kill so I tried chatting with some girls.

I ended up hanging out with a girl and it was pretty cool. We chatted a bit and then walked to the park, spent a bit of time together. I am pretty smooth so I tried to let her chase me a bit, so hopefully we'll end up meeting up. Nice to be back to meeting girls.

I have to work on videos tonight, but hey, reminding myself that it is actually fun to do.

Got some momentum, the thing is to aim to do more and better, that is how it'll stay going.
 

Winnerwhoabstains

Active Member
So, today I had caffeine and was pretty energetic but did not get much done.
But - maybe I ought not to be overly nitpicking.

I had a good workout, saw therapist stretched really well.

I also have been maintaining the cleanliness of my place, which was the aim.

My mind is a lil bit odd in this moment but ummm.... I think I'll just KISS get a video done.

Perhaps tomorrow some scheduling'll be good. I notice my internet use is a bit more then optimal.

Like on youtube and stuff, then the day passes a bit. I think getting back into reading more and education.

Perhaps a mini dopamine fast a short time can allow me to reset a bit.


I have been procrastinating on that.

You know, let me work my mind a bit and aim to plan at least a tiny bit for tomorrow.

I'd like to be building on my skills a little bit more and maybe do some more lead generation for work.

Hmm let me list things :

Work on Speaking practice
Watch video course on reading people/ study it
Watch other video course ( less of a priority)


Need to :
Follow up with school about schedule, financial aide etc.


Want to : Make better videos, luckily meeting with friend to work on them tomorrow.


Hmmm : Possible schedule




I meet with my mom to swim around 3:00 ish ( prob done at 4:30)

Meet with friend at 6:30


Between the two could be good " out and about" time. : )

For today - I think I will just take it easy and use footage I already have to make a shorter video.



Hmm tomorrow :
Lift- sauna?

Okay let's say I leave at 2:00 to go meet with my mom.
Travel time : I will aim to talk to cute girls on way there. - aim to do my best with it .

I'll do an HOUR of speaking practice - I am excited about that. Make some real progress with it : )
And I will work out
And READ fiction to relax.

Not try and do too much.

So early day is: Workout
Read fiction as rest
speaking practice

Meet with mom and 2nd workout ( swimming)
Meet girls or film out and about in city
Meet with friend to film.

Boom - that is my schedule for tomorrow!

Then once home I will film a bit more if need be/ videos are not done.
 

Winnerwhoabstains

Active Member
Alright - so I am a bit at risk. A small amount of fantasy popped into my head last night. I know EXACTLY what to do to curtail my risk :

Mild dopamine fast. I have been on the internet too much, it lowers my focus and my days seem to zoom by. I am not reading. When I am surfing youtube or watching videos a good bit, I lose my ability to enjoy reading.

ALSO - I am quite upset about something I read on the internet about some insane laws that are looking to be implemented. Really crazy stuff.

BUT - I can not control those laws, and though I worry it is unlikely they effect my life. So many little things I see on the internet get me upset, all this drama and stuff.

SO - what has worked for me in the past is no internet except for work.

I have been hemming and hawing on doing this but I am never going to "want" to do it.

So - the next two days, no internet or watching anything on a screen.

Then I will reassess. I think after the two days I could maybe allow myself to watch shows ( especially south park - which I have been watching in Spanish now!) as watching an actual show or movie I enjoy is sooo different then lowing hours and hours on youtube or reading about the crazy laws and anti men stuff in the media. The best thing I can do, is just focus on my life and become successful. More success is more insulation against the nonsense and more influence to improve things. Being upset reading about things does NOTHING.

Besides - I have work to do! There are things I want to accomplish so may as well get on it.

Alrighty

So I am about

20 Days PMO free
and
day 1 of internet break ( only use for : This forum. Posting my videos or creating thumbnails. NO FACEBOOK ( for the two days) no youtube. No internet. For entertainment I can read and listen to the awesome Jocko Podcast on the podcast app
 

TypeN

Active Member
Alright - so I am a bit at risk. A small amount of fantasy popped into my head last night. I know EXACTLY what to do to curtail my risk :

Mild dopamine fast. I have been on the internet too much, it lowers my focus and my days seem to zoom by. I am not reading. When I am surfing youtube or watching videos a good bit, I lose my ability to enjoy reading.

ALSO - I am quite upset about something I read on the internet about some insane laws that are looking to be implemented. Really crazy stuff.

BUT - I can not control those laws, and though I worry it is unlikely they effect my life. So many little things I see on the internet get me upset, all this drama and stuff.

SO - what has worked for me in the past is no internet except for work.

I have been hemming and hawing on doing this but I am never going to "want" to do it.

So - the next two days, no internet or watching anything on a screen.

Then I will reassess. I think after the two days I could maybe allow myself to watch shows ( especially south park - which I have been watching in Spanish now!) as watching an actual show or movie I enjoy is sooo different then lowing hours and hours on youtube or reading about the crazy laws and anti men stuff in the media. The best thing I can do, is just focus on my life and become successful. More success is more insulation against the nonsense and more influence to improve things. Being upset reading about things does NOTHING.

Besides - I have work to do! There are things I want to accomplish so may as well get on it.

Alrighty

So I am about

20 Days PMO free
and
day 1 of internet break ( only use for : This forum. Posting my videos or creating thumbnails. NO FACEBOOK ( for the two days) no youtube. No internet. For entertainment I can read and listen to the awesome Jocko Podcast on the podcast app

Rooting for you man. I admire all the careful rationalization and planning you're doing here -- seems like you've got a solid understanding of yourself and what's the right way for you to handle these situations. Let us know how it goes!
 

Winnerwhoabstains

Active Member
Thanks so much man!

Overall the day went well - I rested extra.

I had a wild situation. Ended with a nutjob attacking me - I ended up kind of beating him up, but talked with police and they confirmed he instigated. So there is just a record of him harassing me and that is it. Nothing against me.

I am a bit concerned if he like attacks me or something but honestly am not too upset. I spoke with police and workers at the store and it was confirmed not my fault and the workers were on my side. Also the dude was a huge dick and I lumped his face up pretty good.

Anyway - glad though I did not let it derail me. I went home and still got done what I needed to get done.

I feel good about the video I made tongiht and feel like it really could do well. So no longer just going through the motions but actually planned to win - so that is awesome.

Going to use the drama to drive me further, keep working, use that energy. And honestly I guess there is some ego, I feel kind of good that I won and kind of messed up a dude who messed with / attacked me.


BUT - obviously getting into fights is not the goal , so maybe I can lay fighting to rest and aim to look into how to avoid such situations in the future.
 

Winnerwhoabstains

Active Member
Well - my video from two days ago is very very close to 1,000 views and on pace to hit it within an hour! And the one I made last night is gaining views even faster and is at 600. So progress is happening! Very cool as I did not want to make videos so many times and it is 19 ish days of video making in a row. ( gonna do 100!)

Abstaining from PMO is foundational to making it happen. As when I pmo'd I simply lost my ability to focus to the degree required.

So - the thing is, I have some momentum but keep going further. In the past I let the addiction and perhaps some demon's and fear of success cause issue. So I will be ware of pitfalls and aim not to look back and "protect" but realize I can do a lot more - I can get 10,000 views on a video.

I can start making money from my own business driven by gaining customers with my videos.

I can have strong morning wood again.

I can have a wonderful dating life again AND be even more successful in my dating.

I can learn to have total drive and purpose again - LOVING dedicating fully to my business and believing in my dreams as I pursue them.
 
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