A journal
- Thread starter Winnerwhoabstains
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Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
Thanks so much man!
Well my video did really really well from two days ago. Actually made me nervous, just gonna keep up the grind and getting the work in.
I have potential dates for the next two days which is cool.
I had one for Monday, but wanted to get another one for Sunday so it would help me to warm up, but the Sunday girl seems sweet also.
I DO NOT do apps as they are the devil for me and lead to PMO EVERY time.
But luckily I worked on talking to women a lot and if I focus and meditate a lot, I seem to be decent at getting dates. Just need to keep it up, and not half ass it.
Tired today, gonna still get a video in but maybe work on it for a few hours and not a ton of hours.
Well my video did really really well from two days ago. Actually made me nervous, just gonna keep up the grind and getting the work in.
I have potential dates for the next two days which is cool.
I had one for Monday, but wanted to get another one for Sunday so it would help me to warm up, but the Sunday girl seems sweet also.
I DO NOT do apps as they are the devil for me and lead to PMO EVERY time.
But luckily I worked on talking to women a lot and if I focus and meditate a lot, I seem to be decent at getting dates. Just need to keep it up, and not half ass it.
Tired today, gonna still get a video in but maybe work on it for a few hours and not a ton of hours.
Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
hahahaha thanks man.
Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
Check in - have been having issues with fantasy lately. the Last THREE nights and some popped up during my nap.
I have dates with beautiful awesome women for thurs and friday scheduled. SO - let me TOUGHEN UP and MAN UP. So IF fantasy bs pops up I'll get out of bed AND - I am going to toughen up and read in the living room until I get real tired, then plop into bed and sleep ( use my old winning moves for abstainting) just step up the actions I am taking.
Boom let's go - good stuff is happening.
I freaking went semi viral on youtube - 70k views on a vid! ( two days prior I had not broken 200 views on a vid!) and got dates with two women of just the sort I want.
FUCK this addiction bs trying to sneak in. Going to READ and enjoy it till I can barely open my eyes - stagger to bed, read till my eyes close then VISUALIZE my business success until I fall asleep - let's go! That is the plan. I am commiting to you all I will follow it and I will report on it tomorrow.
I have dates with beautiful awesome women for thurs and friday scheduled. SO - let me TOUGHEN UP and MAN UP. So IF fantasy bs pops up I'll get out of bed AND - I am going to toughen up and read in the living room until I get real tired, then plop into bed and sleep ( use my old winning moves for abstainting) just step up the actions I am taking.
Boom let's go - good stuff is happening.
I freaking went semi viral on youtube - 70k views on a vid! ( two days prior I had not broken 200 views on a vid!) and got dates with two women of just the sort I want.
FUCK this addiction bs trying to sneak in. Going to READ and enjoy it till I can barely open my eyes - stagger to bed, read till my eyes close then VISUALIZE my business success until I fall asleep - let's go! That is the plan. I am commiting to you all I will follow it and I will report on it tomorrow.
Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
Great! Wow the accountability helped, I followed the plan exactly except I think I feel asleep in seconds once I closed my eyes so didn't need to visualize.
This was very empowering as the fantasy is damaging and each night I was just thinking " I need to stop" BUT what I needed was a STRATEGY to do it. It took some discipline, but not that much.
And it actually was a much more enjoyable evening, I am reading lord of the rings! How perfect the ultimate classic and I did not read it yet.
It is nice to have some quiet solititude reading some relaxing fiction before sleeping - it seemed more restful.
This is a winning routine, so I'll follow it again tonight undoubtedly.
This morning, I made my bed.
I did my meditation AND just finished visualizing which I added in - I did not "feel" like doing more, but wow the viusalization was wonderful so glad I did it.
You know clebrating these positive actions reminds me - I used to do a few brief rotator cuff and ankle exercises plus neck exercises that are like "prehab" for some old injuries etc. doing that my body feels a lot better within a few days. So for today, at least. I am going to that.
So I'll do it right now ( while listening to something positive) and what a great start to the day
This was very empowering as the fantasy is damaging and each night I was just thinking " I need to stop" BUT what I needed was a STRATEGY to do it. It took some discipline, but not that much.
And it actually was a much more enjoyable evening, I am reading lord of the rings! How perfect the ultimate classic and I did not read it yet.
It is nice to have some quiet solititude reading some relaxing fiction before sleeping - it seemed more restful.
This is a winning routine, so I'll follow it again tonight undoubtedly.
This morning, I made my bed.
I did my meditation AND just finished visualizing which I added in - I did not "feel" like doing more, but wow the viusalization was wonderful so glad I did it.
You know clebrating these positive actions reminds me - I used to do a few brief rotator cuff and ankle exercises plus neck exercises that are like "prehab" for some old injuries etc. doing that my body feels a lot better within a few days. So for today, at least. I am going to that.
So I'll do it right now ( while listening to something positive) and what a great start to the day
Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
Well I can focus on the positive:
I beat fantasy last night and I'll follow the exact same strategy tonight.
I do feel resistance to making video tonight, but that is just part of the game. Discipline = Freedom. Discipline myself to make the vids and I'll make money and be free to live as I want.
Feeling some anxiousness now, asked a friend for a bit of a favor, and going to try and go to a night club, an environment I am scared of.
Let me remind myself, I put myself out there and THAT is a win : )
Thought of skipping workout today, physically tired. But I'll compromise and just do a light workout now - it is upper body day so some simple chin ups and push ups. Plus that'll be good to lower the anxiousness in a healthy way and give me a nice testosterone boost
Close to 30 days pmo free
And half a fantasy free haha. ( did last night but had a lil during nap.
So looking forward to crushing the fantasy - as that is when I REALLY see the benefits. It's just a matter of discipline
I beat fantasy last night and I'll follow the exact same strategy tonight.
I do feel resistance to making video tonight, but that is just part of the game. Discipline = Freedom. Discipline myself to make the vids and I'll make money and be free to live as I want.
Feeling some anxiousness now, asked a friend for a bit of a favor, and going to try and go to a night club, an environment I am scared of.
Let me remind myself, I put myself out there and THAT is a win : )
Thought of skipping workout today, physically tired. But I'll compromise and just do a light workout now - it is upper body day so some simple chin ups and push ups. Plus that'll be good to lower the anxiousness in a healthy way and give me a nice testosterone boost
Close to 30 days pmo free
And half a fantasy free haha. ( did last night but had a lil during nap.
So looking forward to crushing the fantasy - as that is when I REALLY see the benefits. It's just a matter of discipline
Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
Got video done! Pretty cool that it's been a grind but FINALLY this video felt a lot easier to make then they have over the last week or so. Delayed gratification baby. Each day some bs in my head about skipping it, but just keep it up.
So I came up with ideas for slightly different video format, that I think can do well and also be more systemitized to make.
Also - thinking to create transparent images of captions I use often - so I can just add them and not have to type and also have a folder with various symbols I'll use often like arros, check marks etc. Basically work on the systemizes.
In fact, it seems organization and systemization ARE what leads to creativity. Because having systems and organized ways of doing things allows creative ideas to be expressed efficiently rather than running into loads of road blocks and not able to actually execute the creativity. The better and more efficient I can make my systems, the more I can free my creative brain to just have idea and quickly create them - which I find fun! So, I resists organizing at times, but keep the end in mind. Often a few hours effort to systemitize can save many many hours each week or month
So I came up with ideas for slightly different video format, that I think can do well and also be more systemitized to make.
Also - thinking to create transparent images of captions I use often - so I can just add them and not have to type and also have a folder with various symbols I'll use often like arros, check marks etc. Basically work on the systemizes.
In fact, it seems organization and systemization ARE what leads to creativity. Because having systems and organized ways of doing things allows creative ideas to be expressed efficiently rather than running into loads of road blocks and not able to actually execute the creativity. The better and more efficient I can make my systems, the more I can free my creative brain to just have idea and quickly create them - which I find fun! So, I resists organizing at times, but keep the end in mind. Often a few hours effort to systemitize can save many many hours each week or month
Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
Ugggghhh date canceled but I think it may have been my behaviour and I feel like I self sabotaged. Been feeling down today, and now urges up the wazoo - freaking strong ones.
Really messing with my head the date thing. I like idealized the girl and I think got nervous and then IDK if she sent a joke or not but I got upset and man it just sucks. So much regret. I felt like crap and then feel like everything will fall apart, I know that is not rational but feeling isolated at the moment.
Feeling real bad and fearful and isolated.
Really messing with my head the date thing. I like idealized the girl and I think got nervous and then IDK if she sent a joke or not but I got upset and man it just sucks. So much regret. I felt like crap and then feel like everything will fall apart, I know that is not rational but feeling isolated at the moment.
Feeling real bad and fearful and isolated.
Blondie
Respected Member
Hey @Winnerwhoabstains, stay strong man. Us men have a instinct (a rather terrible one) to instantly put women we don't even know up on pedestals, which is not their problem but our own doing. This can really make us do stupid shit, and yes, even relapse. I'm not sure what happened, but whatever it was, trust me, a relapse won't fix it!
I know how you feel, I've been down that road many times in the past, but this too shall pass.
I know how you feel, I've been down that road many times in the past, but this too shall pass.
Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
Thanks so much man! Just getting support was crucial and so helpful.
I took a nap and that helped, but the support is super helfup. Been isolating myself a bit lately. Goal focused but lacking in comradery.
I took a nap and that helped, but the support is super helfup. Been isolating myself a bit lately. Goal focused but lacking in comradery.
Hey man. I feel you about this bit:
Sounds like we're in a similar place, although maybe for different reasons. With this addiction I feel like once we get over the initial hump of abstaining for a little while, thoughts are our biggest enemies. Rumination is tough.
Anyhow, good on you for keeping yourself together. Maybe since you've been putting in so much work with your content creation you deserve to take a break for some kind of self care/connection?
Sounds like we're in a similar place, although maybe for different reasons. With this addiction I feel like once we get over the initial hump of abstaining for a little while, thoughts are our biggest enemies. Rumination is tough.
Anyhow, good on you for keeping yourself together. Maybe since you've been putting in so much work with your content creation you deserve to take a break for some kind of self care/connection?
Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
Thanks for the support! Well I'll keep making the videos for sureas I am caring for my future self haha. BUT, yeah I think planning some activities could be good. I am going to see a friend today which I think will be really good for me. Shake it up, some mild connect. This reminds me - I think a nap right now'll do me well
Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
Quick updates
1) Fantasized last night - dang
2) Had date with girl, it was okay. I felt dissatisfied, regretful of losing other. What negative thinking. I hung out with a very pretty, smart sweet girl and was thinking about the other one I messed up with.
3) The no internet is crucial. Just wasted 5 hours I don't know ing, like surfing youtube. Got no pleasure from it. Squandered my rest time, super tired and have work to do.
This week :
No internet except for work.
First two days no screen time, except work research.
Next 5 days, I can watch two episdoes of south park in spanish.
CELEBRATE! One of my big goals has been own business. I got a sale for a coaching client, for the first time so I made a tiny bit of money. Pretty cool though, as it was one of goals for februrary
1) Fantasized last night - dang
2) Had date with girl, it was okay. I felt dissatisfied, regretful of losing other. What negative thinking. I hung out with a very pretty, smart sweet girl and was thinking about the other one I messed up with.
3) The no internet is crucial. Just wasted 5 hours I don't know ing, like surfing youtube. Got no pleasure from it. Squandered my rest time, super tired and have work to do.
This week :
No internet except for work.
First two days no screen time, except work research.
Next 5 days, I can watch two episdoes of south park in spanish.
CELEBRATE! One of my big goals has been own business. I got a sale for a coaching client, for the first time so I made a tiny bit of money. Pretty cool though, as it was one of goals for februrary
Congrats on the sale man.
About the regret over the girl, do you feel like you have a sense of where it comes from? Perhaps it could help you to look deeper into those emotions and question why you feel so strongly about it. As you say you have other opportunities with girls, so I'm just curious where it comes from.
Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
Good question - I was very very interested in her and there were some unique things about her that are in reality very very rare.
BUT - I also did idealize her in some ways, like who knows she could have been annoying or whatever.
AND - I was actually even more excited about my date for Friday but after the date was like " meh that was okay" so good to know I idealized both, so it is not necessarily accurate.
The MAIN lesson is that I went out with friend and chatter up some girls yesterday and was around girls today and pushing through the feeling and talking to other girls really really helped me to move on. So good lesson there, like a shark always keep moving lol.
SO I did not keep the commitments from last post fantisized a lot, caught in the loop a bit. I think a re wire partner will help me AND again, just saying " I won't fantasize" does not get it done, having a plan does. In bed at the moment not thinking sexually at all, is the move. I think about a girl, slight sexual fantasy and IMMEDIATELY dip into porn fantasy. I cut down internet but was still on it, but I'll give myself a slight pass.
As like you said about a break, making videos I won't take a break from BUT I can let myself be imperfect otherwise. I am realing in the fantasy and will avoid youtube and watch south park at the moment. So progress over perfection
Great dude. Those are good reflections.
And you're right, it's very easy to idealize others when we don't know what they have going on beneath the surface. I figure, not everyone is a porn addict (or just, an addict of some kind), but most people have some kind of skeletons in the closet, especially by our age. I try to remind myself of that when meeting new people; it helps me to chill out but also to humanize them, which is a nice feeling in itself. Taking others off a pedestal helps us to make them feel comfortable and accepted.
Anyhow wishing you luck with controlling the fantasies. Let us know how it goes.
Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
Great ideas man, thanks for the support! Real helpful, especially in the moment when I've been isolating myself a bit.
Well, yesterday I had some disappointments and did not feel too good ( I wonder if some of the issues are caffeine related)
But anyway, I did cut out fantasy totally which is a big win. The key is, as I may have said to others. Being strict.
Like keeping anything sexual out of my head totally as I am in a place where that immediately was leading to P fantasy.
So, I'll keep that up for today as well. One day at a time.
Also, today is my day off working out, which is nice. Working out is great of course, but I am a bit tired. So this'll be a good day to regroup and perhaps get my diet a bit in order, which has been slipping.
I eat pretty heatlhy ( paleo) but have still been managing to over eat and have my macros a bit off.
Well, yesterday I had some disappointments and did not feel too good ( I wonder if some of the issues are caffeine related)
But anyway, I did cut out fantasy totally which is a big win. The key is, as I may have said to others. Being strict.
Like keeping anything sexual out of my head totally as I am in a place where that immediately was leading to P fantasy.
So, I'll keep that up for today as well. One day at a time.
Also, today is my day off working out, which is nice. Working out is great of course, but I am a bit tired. So this'll be a good day to regroup and perhaps get my diet a bit in order, which has been slipping.
I eat pretty heatlhy ( paleo) but have still been managing to over eat and have my macros a bit off.
Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
Hmmm - well I made my video last night very late. But I cancelled all of my commitments today with the plan of being able to stay home and recharge. Funny that being home I kind of have been wanting to be out and feel bored. But I believe it is healthy as I have felt busy all the time lately.
I am working on making myself another guided meditation, I made a script and things. But I am planning to perhaps read a bit and take a short nap before I record it.
Then, tonight I'd like to have my videos made much much earlier. But one step at a time, at the very least making this new meditation has been long overdue, I 've been wanting to do it and it will make a big difference to me, well I am off to read for 20 minutes and then nap for 20 minutes a nice mental reset and a rest.
I am working on making myself another guided meditation, I made a script and things. But I am planning to perhaps read a bit and take a short nap before I record it.
Then, tonight I'd like to have my videos made much much earlier. But one step at a time, at the very least making this new meditation has been long overdue, I 've been wanting to do it and it will make a big difference to me, well I am off to read for 20 minutes and then nap for 20 minutes a nice mental reset and a rest.
Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
Hey all, so I think I fantasized last night. I almost forgot that I did it, but yes now that I think of it I did hmmmm....
So CAFFEINE is not my friend when I crash from it my defenses are down and it has really been taking me for a whirl. So cutting caffeine is important.
Let me take a moment to celebrate a month free of PMO!!
Though cutting fantasy is the goal to move forward now. Hmmmm, last night aside from caffeine. I DID NOT read in the living room, before moving to bed. I read a bit in bed and felt the urge to fantasy and I was LAZY and just stayed there pure laziness. To prevent it would have been to GET UP and distract myself a bit and stay out of bed for awhile to let it pass/ reset.
This is a good reminder that I think toughening up is something that will help me. I mean I have been saying how hard it is making a video each day but such a big part of that is because of procrastination. If I simply make a video early in the day, it takes a few hours and I'd have much less of a mental load.
So it is good for me to remind myself that my life can be much much easier by being more disciplined.
So CAFFEINE is not my friend when I crash from it my defenses are down and it has really been taking me for a whirl. So cutting caffeine is important.
Let me take a moment to celebrate a month free of PMO!!
Though cutting fantasy is the goal to move forward now. Hmmmm, last night aside from caffeine. I DID NOT read in the living room, before moving to bed. I read a bit in bed and felt the urge to fantasy and I was LAZY and just stayed there pure laziness. To prevent it would have been to GET UP and distract myself a bit and stay out of bed for awhile to let it pass/ reset.
This is a good reminder that I think toughening up is something that will help me. I mean I have been saying how hard it is making a video each day but such a big part of that is because of procrastination. If I simply make a video early in the day, it takes a few hours and I'd have much less of a mental load.
So it is good for me to remind myself that my life can be much much easier by being more disciplined.