Escape and never come back

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 2

The way rebooting works for me, in order to get a longer streak it seems that I need certain circumstances to be in place. And I need to take all the right steps. As soon as I take a wrong step, everything crumbles like a castle made of cards. And then I can even end up completely burying myself with PMO used as a shovel. It takes me a long time to be able to replicate a good streak. I wish I wasn't an alcohol addict as well. A lot of those wrong steps meant getting drunk and binging PMO with no care. I'm struggling to get back the momentum while I'm feeling lethargic and tired.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
13 PMOs in 12 days. 14 days left of this month. Last month I had 23 PMOs. What goes through my head is: "Can you have less PMOs this month?" But it's very difficult to see it happening. I have the same drinking routine, which most of the time, actually every fuckin time for quite a while, has led to PMO binges. I feel so fuckin bad, so low, so depressed, I can't even see the end.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
3 PMO today and probably 1 or 2 more until the end of time. 24 PMO this month which make the pleasure quota from last month be exceeded. And I'm absolutely on cloud 9 about it.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
So far, for the last 2 months my recovery has gone absolutely pathetic. 47 PMOs in 2 months. My longest streak has been only 6 days. My alcohol consumption has gone through the roof. Last time I shoked myself how much alcohol I've come to drink. What's ridiculous is that I remember a time when I was 14 and this guy was 15 drinking 6-7 beers and I thought that was not possible, how the fuck can someone drink 6-7 beers because in the same night I drank 1 and I was drunk as fuck, running around like a headless chicken and moving my hands like flying. Only 1 beer to get drunk and now 6-7 beers are only the beginning. All this in the name of self-medication. What started as a little self-medication thing has turned into something absolutely ridiculous.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
You probably don't want to read this but. How about just ignore the P and the drinking and focus on something like going to the gym. Or join a running group. I think they might be running groups you can join for free. Or join a basketball or soccer team. First few times it is going to feel awkward. You'll be thinking wtf am I doing here. Then you'll think why didn't I join sooner. This has been my experience.

Or start boxing, martial arts. Something that puts the attention in the body. Climbing gym might be an option too. Even if you live in a very small town there are going to be group sport activities available.

The hardest thing is to start something new. Easiest is just to keep doing what we have always been doing.

Wishing you much success in shifting
EW
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
You probably don't want to read this but. How about just ignore the P and the drinking and focus on something like going to the gym. Or join a running group. I think they might be running groups you can join for free. Or join a basketball or soccer team. First few times it is going to feel awkward. You'll be thinking wtf am I doing here. Then you'll think why didn't I join sooner. This has been my experience.

Or start boxing, martial arts. Something that puts the attention in the body. Climbing gym might be an option too. Even if you live in a very small town there are going to be group sport activities available.

The hardest thing is to start something new. Easiest is just to keep doing what we have always been doing.

Wishing you much success in shifting
EW
I know, man. You're right. I definitely need to transform my pathetic empty life.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 1

I feel like shit but let's say it's day 1. I'm tired of going back to the misery that binging puts me through. I am tired to keep writing day 1 here. I am tired to feel better, binge, and go back right to the bottom. I need to rethink everything because, after starting to keep an excel with my relapses, I've noticed that I've been doing the same fuckin thing over and over again, the same routines, the same drinking days, the same porn binges under a week.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Honestly, after all those relapses and binges, I feel absolutely like garbage. Nothing makes me feel anything. I can't do anything because I don't feel anything. I am not excited about anything, everything is a chore.
 
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