Escape and never come back

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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
3 PMOs as usual. Nothing changed. When the streak starts looking like something up, I crash and binge again. I don't know what to do anymore, nothing helps. I'm waiting for the people from SA in my city to come back so I can contact them, maybe I can work something out because I don't know how to help myself in solitude. I'm absolutely terrified to look for help but there is nothing left.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I've finally contacted SA in my city, on their website. I talked to a guy on the chat and he said we could talk in details on Monday. I'm absolutely terrified, I don't do those things in real life, talking to people in real life about my problems. So I'm scared as fuck. But I can't continue like this anymore.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Androg said:
Great decision. Glad you found the courage to take the next step. 💪
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I'm absolutely terrified about the conversation on Monday, maybe because my high social anxiety is back after 4 PMOs today... But I lost my mind. Morning started well, I had 11 days without porn, it was looking like another day without porn and then BAM, afternoon around 1 PM I entered a porn website and started jerking off to a scene. I went nuts. The voice in my head was telling me again: "You know you can't do this by yourself because if you could, you wouldn't have spent fuckin 7 years failing." I've been postponing SA for a very long time. I kept entering the website, clicking on the chat (chat and e-mail seem to be the only ways they want to be contacted. The guy I talked to said they allow people to meetings after a conversation with them) but never actually doing it. I'm sure I've said this around here, that I wanted to contact SA but I didn't. But I couldn't take it anymore after the relapse today. I'm losing my mind. I can see this year starting to be like last year and I can't take this nomo. I'll see what he says on monday and then I can calculate my next step, I'm scared as fuck but at the same time I'm absolutely tired of my porn junkie lifestyle (that has an impact in other spheres of my life). Anyway, SA or not, therapy whatever, I will try to actually start doing something. It's terrifying because of my high social anxiety and the fact that this is the first time in my life when I'm doing anything like this. Anyway, thanks for support.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
The only "problem", if I can call it this, is my parents. I live with my parents and some people might laugh at me living with my parents at 32 but in my country this tradition has not vanished entirely but the main reason why I'm living with my parents is because I am single and I didn't think it was a good idea to spend money on rent when I basically have an entire floor, two bedrooms and a large living-room. In time things could change, I mean I could anytime move by myself, I have money, I just didn't really need it. So alright, after this explanation, like I was saying, my parents don't know about my porn addiction and I don't know how to "disguise" my SA meetings. They will definitely know I'm leaving and I don't have friends or dates. My working schedule is known by them. So where the fuck am I going? It's very uncomfortable. Probably eventually I need to tell them but I think one terrifying thing is enough for me right now.
 
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