Escape and never come back
- Thread starter Escapeandnevercomeback
- Start date
I will not do the concept full justice, I definitely suggest the books. Here's the short version. Most of what we do is just a habit loop. No decisions involved. Your brain receives a familiar input in terms of what you do, see, hear, smell, whatever. It pulls up the script it has for what to do in that scenario. It executes it. The execution is, to oversimplify, run by the part of the brain that we share with animals.
Willpower is attempting to refuse to act on the script. Again oversimplifying, the newly evolved distinct human part of the brain, the logic centers, is what chooses to not do what the animal brain says it's time to do. It works for a while, but research shows that willpower is a finite resource in the brain. You cannot fight forever.
So the simpler approach is to cut it all off at the source. Don't experience the trigger at all. How to Change discusses this in more detail, but I identified everything that triggers me to use, every scenario in which I tended to use shortly thereafter, and stopped those things instead.
I built morning and night routines full of healthy habits so that THOSE became the habit loop my mind mindlessly executes. I replaced all the old loops.
Now, you can't avoid 100% of triggers 100% of the time, sometimes they can come out of nowhere. This is where mindfulness plays a role, the ability to just let them roll over you and then move on. But I also established in my mind and wrote down a plan of action for what to do in those moments. Having an unequivocal plan in advance to execute helped also establish a new habit loop for when the urges do come. No questions, no debating, just execute the new plan.
Scientifically, the old loops will probably exist forever, ready to be used again, but the longer you go using a different loop, the more faded they become, the less powerful the urge to execute them becomes even when they are triggered. Which is where i am now. I still have little tinges of urge when I, for example, see an unexpectedly pornographic image somewhere. But I just execute my mindfulness to note that it's just my brain trying to execute an old loop, and move on.
We tend to think we use porn because we are horny, and it may have been true at the beginning, but now it's just a habit loop. Cut the loop.
Willpower is attempting to refuse to act on the script. Again oversimplifying, the newly evolved distinct human part of the brain, the logic centers, is what chooses to not do what the animal brain says it's time to do. It works for a while, but research shows that willpower is a finite resource in the brain. You cannot fight forever.
So the simpler approach is to cut it all off at the source. Don't experience the trigger at all. How to Change discusses this in more detail, but I identified everything that triggers me to use, every scenario in which I tended to use shortly thereafter, and stopped those things instead.
I built morning and night routines full of healthy habits so that THOSE became the habit loop my mind mindlessly executes. I replaced all the old loops.
Now, you can't avoid 100% of triggers 100% of the time, sometimes they can come out of nowhere. This is where mindfulness plays a role, the ability to just let them roll over you and then move on. But I also established in my mind and wrote down a plan of action for what to do in those moments. Having an unequivocal plan in advance to execute helped also establish a new habit loop for when the urges do come. No questions, no debating, just execute the new plan.
Scientifically, the old loops will probably exist forever, ready to be used again, but the longer you go using a different loop, the more faded they become, the less powerful the urge to execute them becomes even when they are triggered. Which is where i am now. I still have little tinges of urge when I, for example, see an unexpectedly pornographic image somewhere. But I just execute my mindfulness to note that it's just my brain trying to execute an old loop, and move on.
We tend to think we use porn because we are horny, and it may have been true at the beginning, but now it's just a habit loop. Cut the loop.
From my reading I would say yes and no. It remains limited, you can just increase the limit over time. Definitely worthwhile to practice increasing it so that you are able to withstand longer when other approaches perhaps are less practical, but in the moment it remains limited.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Day 1
Still binging with the same regularity. Two days in a row of binging and I feel completely drained, lethargic, depressed and neurotic. Doing anything is a chore.
Still binging with the same regularity. Two days in a row of binging and I feel completely drained, lethargic, depressed and neurotic. Doing anything is a chore.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Day 2 without alcohol. I seriously need to address this as soon as possible. Two days ago I finished a bottle of whisky, I did an embarrassing behavior again being drunk and the next day I had stomach cramps and a massive panic attack that lasted 2 hours in a row. I felt dead all day. What happens with me and panic attacks is that during a panic attack I start having weird pains and stuff in places and it makes me freak out even more because I start thinking all kinds of things like I'm gonna have a stroke right now (because my right arm felt numb) or I have appendicitis (because my stomach hurt). I bury myself more and more and the panic attack gets even bigger. I knew it was a panic attack but I was unable to do anything about it, I was freaking the fuck out. It doesn't help that I am somehow a little bit hypochondriac (or a little bit more). I've been freaking out about my health for years. I always have this feeling that something is gonna fuck me up. But honestly, to begin with, I need to end this fuckin drinking. It's one of my downfalls. I can't continue like this anymore. I need to quit everything. I'm sure I should be less neurotic and anxious without those fucking things. Last night it was the first night in a week in which I got something that resembled more of a normal sleep. Before that, I only slept like 3 hours a day.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Day 0
5 PMOs
5 PMOs
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Relapse. 3 PMOs.
You need to get inspired to start again. Read this: https://forum.rebootnation.org/index.php?threads/20349/page-9#post-266218
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
PMO x 4
Qwertyxyz
Active Member
Dude you should try AA,
I got sober through AA, I don’t go anymore but I really needed it for a few years. Face to face groups are really powerful and healing. It’s great that you keep posting but face to face stuff is very powerful.
I know it will challenge the anxiety but it will be worth it
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Hey man. Thanks for advice.Dude you should try AA,
I got sober through AA, I don’t go anymore but I really needed it for a few years. Face to face groups are really powerful and healing. It’s great that you keep posting but face to face stuff is very powerful.
I know it will challenge the anxiety but it will be worth it
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Relapse. 4 PMOs.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
3 binges in 5 days.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Day 0
Relapse. 1 PMO. About an hour of edging. 14 PMOs in 9 days.
Relapse. 1 PMO. About an hour of edging. 14 PMOs in 9 days.
