Escape and never come back

N

nothing

Member
Sorry you are going through this man! Have your perhaps considered completely changing your environment? Going away somewhere for a while until you can get a handle on this?
 
Ezel

Ezel

Respected Member
Escapeandnevercomeback said:
day zero

I am a number. I am not a free man.
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Stop it man. Try to get some help. Porn is not worth. I know you heard this cliche hundreds of times. And every time I relapse it just gets more and more convincing. I just came back from there, and it's still the same thing. After that first orgasm all that's left in you is feelings of shame, disgust, and disappointment 😞. I know it sucks but the right thing to do here is rise up and take control over your life.
Just imagine how your life could be if there's no porn in it. All that wasted potential that you can get hold of after you take that jump over that filthy porn swamp and getting your freedom back. But talk is cheap.
After all you only live once, so make it count.

You got this bro. Stay blessed.
 
E

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Ezel said:
Stop it man. Try to get some help. Porn is not worth. I know you heard this cliche hundreds of times. And every time I relapse it just gets more and more convincing. I just came back from there, and it's still the same thing. After that first orgasm all that's left in you is feelings of shame, disgust, and disappointment 😞. I know it sucks but the right thing to do here is rise up and take control over your life.
Just imagine how your life could be if there's no porn in it. All that wasted potential that you can get hold of after you take that jump over that filthy porn swamp and getting your freedom back. But talk is cheap.
After all you only live once, so make it count.

You got this bro. Stay blessed.
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Hey man. Thanks for encouragement. You're right. When you orgasm, all the depression and regret falls on my head. I don't know, man. When urges are that strong, I don't see past that. And when I orgasm, I come back to reality and see everything. Then there comes the moment when I tell myself that I knew what I should've done. When the storm is over, it's easy to tell yourself that you knew what you had to do, man, but I almost never feel I have this opportunity when I experience hard urges. I really need to fix my life. But there has always been one thing that hold me back: My refusal to suffer. ANyway, take care man. Good luck.
 
Androg

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Escapeandnevercomeback said:
Hey man. Thanks for encouragement. You're right. When you orgasm, all the depression and regret falls on my head. I don't know, man. When urges are that strong, I don't see past that. And when I orgasm, I come back to reality and see everything. Then there comes the moment when I tell myself that I knew what I should've done. When the storm is over, it's easy to tell yourself that you knew what you had to do, man, but I almost never feel I have this opportunity when I experience hard urges. I really need to fix my life. But there has always been one thing that hold me back: My refusal to suffer. ANyway, take care man. Good luck.
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Good insight. Just remember, with addiction recovery the suffering does not go on forever. Withdrawal is a temporary phase. Good luck!
 
E

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Escapeandnevercomeback said:
I've scheduled a therapy session next week.
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It's not that I really wanted to do this but my father presses me to do it. I got drunk on Monday and acted like an animal. He didn't like that and started pushing me to find some help. When I get drunk, I transform. I can become really violent for someone who, when sober, is a pussy (excuse the term). I'm a big time weakling in real life but when I get drunk, I'm capable of doing things that nobody expects from me, including fighting someone to death. So that's the story. All this pursuing to contact the psychotherapy clinic and the actually scheduling the session, for some reason (which I probably know) was the most fuckin uncomfortable thing for me to do in a long time. I have an absolute adversity to talking about my problems and to the emotions that come from this but I don't know, maybe something good might happen. And, of course, I have to fix many things about me nevertheless. So this is a more elaborated explanation about the whole thing, if it matters.
 
Androg

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Escapeandnevercomeback said:
It's not that I really wanted to do this but my father presses me to do it. I got drunk on Monday and acted like an animal. He didn't like that and started pushing me to find some help. When I get drunk, I transform. I can become really violent for someone who, when sober, is a pussy (excuse the term). I'm a big time weakling in real life but when I get drunk, I'm capable of doing things that nobody expects from me, including fighting someone to death. So that's the story. All this pursuing to contact the psychotherapy clinic and the actually scheduling the session, for some reason (which I probably know) was the most fuckin uncomfortable thing for me to do in a long time. I have an absolute adversity to talking about my problems and to the emotions that come from this but I don't know, maybe something good might happen. And, of course, I have to fix many things about me nevertheless. So this is a more elaborated explanation about the whole thing, if it matters.
Click to expand...
Thanks for sharing. Yes it matters. Good luck. I think you are about to begin a very interesting adventure. Nothing is more essential than figuring out why we make the choices we do.
 
E

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 1

Struggling to maintain abstinence. Struggling to reduce the number of PMOs. I PMOed 5 times yesterday, 5 times on 1st of June... In two days I have the therapy appointment and I'm scared as fuck.
 
E

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Can't do shit so far. I don't even know how I got into more than a month of constant binging. I don't even know what the fuck should be done about it. To say that I feel like shit would not even describe how shit I feel. I feel absolutely like a shipwreck. All those fuckin PMO binges gave me a constant feeling of anxiety all day that doesn't go away no matter what. Tomorrow I have my therapy session. I'm scared as fuck about it and very uncomfortable. I am afraid of revealing myself. I am embarrassed how my life is at my age. But I guess I need more than ever to finally understand what the fuck is going on inside of me and what action I really need to take to save myself. But meanwhile, all those fuckin PMO binges are really fuckin killing me.
 
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