Escape and never come back

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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
STST said:
You don't even have to say anything or make a commitment, just give them a call, and tell them what you are going through, or better yet, attend one meeting, just listen, and see if it's something that you would like to be a part of, you have nothing to lose, and so much more to gain bro.
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I don't have experience with AA. I've been to some SA meetings.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 3

I'm kind of lost. Depressed with my life, I am scared for the worst outcome. I am already where I wish I wasn't going to be, when I was 20. That's why I'm scared. I don't have the determination, the will to be ready to die in order to change that outcome from my vision that I dread. That's my problem. Maybe that's why my porn and alcohol streaks are so shit these days. Instead of working on it, I numb myself with them. That's the problem. Been drinking consistantly, I get the cognac bottle and drink from it like water in the desert. Then I jerk off furiously, telling myself some things that if someone else talked to me like that, I might kill the motherfucker. Meanwhile, what do I do? I insult myself like I'm a complete piece of shit. There is only one way out. It's suffering, it's grinding, it's doing everything I can to change that fuckin outcome that I'm afraid of so much. I have to change what the fuck I see in the mirror, this lost guy with sad eyes. The thing with everybody is that we all know what we have to do. But we are afraid of the grinding, the suffering, the pain, the lows, the sleepless nights when you think it's all over. We need to become more afraid of staying the same than afraid of the pain we need to endure to escape.
 
Androg

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Maybe it's unwise to expect the determination you need until you make some progress...by getting more support. You're not hopeless. You just need more tools in your tool chest.
 
forceisstrong2

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Hey man,

Defo use porn blockers. Sometimes willpower is not enough. We need a bit of extra help... just make sure you fort Knox the fuck out of your computers/smartphone cause at some point the addict you will try to break it all down.

The very best to you brother and do reach out to AA too... that'll help with this addiction too.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
forceisstrong2 said:
Hey man,

Defo use porn blockers. Sometimes willpower is not enough. We need a bit of extra help... just make sure you fort Knox the fuck out of your computers/smartphone cause at some point the addict you will try to break it all down.

The very best to you brother and do reach out to AA too... that'll help with this addiction too.
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Thanks man. I appreciate the support.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 1

So here is the thing: Sometimes I seem to gather some success when I have a goal to chase. Last time when I had a significant streak, this was the case. Like now. I might participate in a difficult exam in a month and I may need some abstinence benefits for that. No, for sure I need them. Some more energy and better concentration for studying don't hurt. Maybe this could make me at least get a month away from this fuckin disease.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
But yes, as you can see, I relapsed yesterday, I got drunk and binged PMO... What the fuck more can I say... But I really need this. If I don't get some abstinence for December, I am fucked.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
With all this bullshit, you always need to keep fresh in mind what you're actually doing. The addicted guy inside of you will try to find a convincing reason anytime, to get the dopamine fix. Once some longer period of time passes by, the relapse seems like a "distant memory", it's not as fresh in mind, your brain starts justifying why a little bit won't affect you. But it's bullshit and a trap. You can't trust an addicted brain who desperately wants the fix. You can't listen to all that. I'm trying to find ways to keep mysef on track and remind myself what I'm actually doing here, because it's easy to get away from the right path and listen to the addicted brain. Once you get caught up in those thoughts, it's over. In the beginning we don't have too much control over the addict inside of us, that's why we need to stand firm until we regain the power. Don't listen to bullshit thoughts about why it's a great idea to fuck with porn.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
But I ain't gonna lie, I'm pretty depressed today, it's all this bullshit "hangover" after too much PMO, I'm drained the fuck out. Honestly, I have "enough energy" today to only stay away from porn, if this makes any sense. After "The suck" it should get better.
 
forceisstrong2

forceisstrong2

Active Member
We
Blondie said:
Hang in there man, this will pass.

I understand you here. That's how it goes.

Always.

You got this.
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Agree with Blondie. Keep at it, bro. The first few weeks are the hardest but once they are over it gets easier and, more importantly, life gets so much better.

Get help with the booze too. Make sure you cant access porn on your devices and keep coming back here for support.

We are here for you bro.
 
jonazo91

jonazo91

Active Member
Escapeandnevercomeback said:
Day 1

So here is the thing: Sometimes I seem to gather some success when I have a goal to chase. Last time when I had a significant streak, this was the case. Like now. I might participate in a difficult exam in a month and I may need some abstinence benefits for that. No, for sure I need them. Some more energy and better concentration for studying don't hurt. Maybe this could make me at least get a month away from this fuckin disease.
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Good luck on this exam!! Hope it leads to good things!
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
You can do this man. Remember, the only way to get to heaven is to go through hell first.

Nice job on five days.

Best
 
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