Escape and never come back

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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Relapsed again. I had caffeine and alcohol relapse yesterday too, after 2 weeks of abstinence. What surprised me is that I got a bottle of vodka, expecting to knock me out cold and it didn't happen. I got less drunk that I'd thought I should've after 2 weeks. In 1 second of weakness you can fuck everything up. The sad reality of addiction.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Escapeandnevercomeback said:
What surprised me is that I got a bottle of vodka, expecting to knock me out cold and it didn't happen. I got less drunk that I'd thought I should've after 2 weeks.
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The sad thing about this, when it comes to me, is that I do it trying to feel great. This has been an obsession of mine for ten years. I want to feel great when I use my drugs, I want it to be worth it and when I end up not having that much fun, it's absolutely bullshit. It's about wasting a streak to an idea that makes it not worth it anyway...
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I guess the only good thing from all those 3 relapses in one day is that, at least, I didn't do or say anything ridiculous while under the influence of alcohol. I didn't send any stupid messages, I didn't write anything ridiculous here. But everything else is shit.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
3 days in a row of PMO relapses... Alcohol relapse yesterday after about a week of sobriety. And I'm still tempted to PMO, after 3 days of relapsing, it's absolutely ridiculous.
 
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PrometheusUnbound

Active Member
I just want to say all the best as you are clearly going through it. Please be kind to yourself and forgive yourself. Every even small push that you make in the right direction is a seed for the future even if it doesn't feel like it now. And every moment can be a fresh start no matter where you are.

Best.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Relapsed again on day 3... Everything is in shambles. I have 1 last day of work before a week of vacation, I can't wait to chill a little bit (if I can, I'm in a constant state of anxiety and panic). I have to change the cases to some CDs and travel a little bit.

You know what's ridiculous? I just read yesterday my posts from the beginning of this year and I can't believe how easy everything went south starting with the 10th of January. It's been almost 5 months since and I'm in a constant fall.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Everything continues to be shit. I jerked off yesterday on Palm Sunday four times, it's absolutely ridiculous, you can't even abstain on holidays. I turned into a full compulsive. I feel really depressed with this addiction. And alcohol. I'm getting closer to being a proper alcoholic. I've been struggling more with my OCD and panic disorder in the last week to the point where they really have a considerable impact on my life and well being. I seriously consider getting some treatment. It's not like they were not there but there was nothing to properly trigger them until the beginning of this year.
 
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