Escape and never come back

[Blondie]

I love Jocko Willink, total bad ass.

 

[EarthWalker]

Just hearing the name Jocko I want to go to a BJJ gym and roll. I actually looked in my area. Didn't find any brazilian ju jitsu gyms. Enjoyed his The Way of the warrior kid book.

Nice work Escape. Onwards and upwards brother.

 

[searching4good]

Day 18

I didn't feel well all day. Lethargy and depression. I feel drained and I feel nothing, I am not excited about anything. I guess it's supposed to be like that, it makes sense; Arousal makes you feel alive in a pleasant way so when you stop arousing yourself to porn, the brain takes you to the opposite of that and you feel dead with no libido.

It's more crucial than ever to quit this otherwise I can't fix my life.

Keep pushing through this @Escapeandnevercomeback - just think how much more joyful things will feel once you get to the other side, because of everything you are feeling right now. You will turn that corner and once you do, you will look back on these days as crucial to that moment.

You've got this, you really do.

 

[forceisstrong2]

Hey man,

You're doing great. What I've learnt is that it's not the length of the streaks that count, it's building up those days. And 19 days is incredible. Whenever I do relapse, I don't think of it as a great failure, just a minor setback. I'm on day 47 now, but really I'm probably three months porn free as I had one small relapse 47 days ago.

For me anyway, it's all about building up those days, getting my head into a good place, working on my mental health (super important), staying positive, and coming here for support from all of these amazing people on here. Including you!!!

You're doing great, Escape. I'm proud of you. I hope you are proud of me too!

Fuck porn!

 

[Blondie]

Stay strong @Escapeandnevercomeback !

 

[Dungalef]

I'm losing my mind with this addiction.

And with every step away from it, you're one step closer to winning your mind back again.

 

[Blondie]

Nice job @Escapeandnevercomeback.

You're making a big dent in this shity habit.

Keep it up.

 

[searching4good]

Keep plugging away @Escapeandnevercomeback - each time you overcome those urges you're fortifying yourself. Building resilience and moving towards a better future.

It's so hard but the alternative to not fighting is misery. We all deserve so much more than that.

You're doing so so well.

 

[Beautiful1973]

Well done @Escapeandnevercomeback you are doing great, I love the vulnerability and honesty in your journal, you are courageous for sharing and fighting
As you step away from Porn, I believe you will see more pleasure in everyday things.
I am partner (ex) and I saw first hand how my man become void of any pleasure in life or me, it’s really sad. This also had an emotional affect on my happiness and I was becoming numb. But after a month out from walking away from him, I am starting to feel the joy return again, which feels wonderful and I hope you start to feel that too

 

[downhillfromhere]

Day 22

I actually feel pretty well mentally-wise. A bit tired from the night shifts. Sleeping during the day doesn't feel the same as sleeping during the night for me, I can sleep the same no of hours and not feel as rested. Probably today I slept a little more than yesterday when I slept like 4 hours.

23 days without a drop of drink but I miss it, man.

"Water, water, everywhere, nor any drop to drink."

Do you work normal hours during the day as well? I learned a little about what can affect sleep quality from a book once (Why We Sleep), and one thing I got from it was that it's important to go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day. I don't know if your job might make that impossible, but it could be something to consider if you have the choice.

22 days is amazing, man. Keep up the good work!

 

[Beautiful1973]

Stop being weak.

How about you flip that around @Escapeandnevercomeback 'you are strong and powerful'.......look at your courage to get to 23 days, I think that's something to celebrate fella!

 

[Beautiful1973]

"Prevent the dopamine from going wild/ The rule of 2 seconds".

@Escapeandnevercomeback can you please explain this a bit more, give me an example of how you use this rule?

 

[Beautiful1973]

Don't worry if it's painful @Escapeandnevercomeback I was just curious as to how you use it, I find this stuff helpful to learn.

 

[Beautiful1973]

Thanks @Escapeandnevercomeback very interesting!

 

[Orbiter]

How's it going Escape?

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

How's it going Escape?

Not too good. I broke my 26 days of sobriety, got drunk, binged porn (about 5 PMOs that day) then I did what I usually do when I'm drunk and relapse, I came here and deleted some of my posts. I think I deleted all the posts from that 25 days porn streak. I'm embarrassed beyond words that I do this, I didn't even want to come here and say it out of shame. Next day, I proceeded to PMO 3 more times so 2 days of binge in a row and made fun of my 25 days streak, I threw it out the window, I threw out the window my alcohol streak and that is that, I'm an idiot and I deserve the consequences. Now I'm struggling to restart.

 

[Ezel]

Not too good. I broke my 26 days of sobriety, got drunk, binged porn (about 5 PMOs that day) then I did what I usually do when I'm drunk and relapse, I came here and deleted some of my posts. I think I deleted all the posts from that 25 days porn streak. I'm embarrassed beyond words that I do this, I didn't even want to come here and say it out of shame. Next day, I proceeded to PMO 3 more times so 2 days of binge in a row and made fun of my 25 days streak, I threw it out the window, I threw out the window my alcohol streak and that is that, I'm an idiot and I deserve the consequences. Now I'm struggling to restart.

Just start man, if you keep delaying it, it will just get worse, what happened happened. There is nothing you can do about that past except learning and adapting so next time you will not repeat the same scenario.
You can do it escape, you got heart man, there is nothing to be ashamed of, there's no one on this forum who owes you a god damn thing.
Do it for you brother . Gob bless...

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Day 2

I am embarrassed to come here drunk. I told myself I must stay away from Reboot Nation and contacting people in general when I'm drunk because I turn into a mega-depressed, raging, violent alcoholic. I am a headache for people around my when I'm drunk. But once I get drunk, I don't respect that anymore. I got drunk, I don't remember everything but I think I came here and I deleted all my posts from my last streak because I was mad for relapsing to porn. What's left are all the other comments from the other people that don't make any sense anymore. That's why I'm embarrassed. And I threw everything out the window, I binged PMO 2 days in a row. Now I feel completely like shit, I'm struggling to make something out of it. You know what I told myself a few days ago? "This is starting to be a rhythm, I feel I could go on with my porn streak forever, only one thing could sabotage me and that is getting drunk." And what do I do? I buy alcohol, I convince myself that I can handle it, I won't come to RN to display erratic behavior, I won't PMO, and then what? Right.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

I'm so fucked up that I literally have to do everything right. Every small step breaks everything.

 

[Dungalef]

Maybe now is the time to reach out for help? Whatever your current self is telling you, you haven't thrown everything away. The feeling of urgency is good though. Channel it! Use it to make a change, to arrange for some therapy!