I might look into it.@Escapeandnevercomeback do you like podcasts, do you listen to fight the new drug? They had a good one last week with a Therapist from Guatemala who talks about the cycle you are in and how it can be a positive part of the journey.
Don’t be so hard on yourself, your here fighting with us.
I've read a part of it, I haven't finished it. I've been mostly watching videos with him. I highly recommend him for people who have a suspicion (or know for sure) they deal with trauma. I especially like his definition of trauma. Trauma is not necessarily only traumatic events like a mega car accident or bombs dropping on houses around you like middle east, it can even be stuff like being neglected as a kid by parents, being yelled at by parents, never being good enough, being constantly pushed to be number 1 in school (to name a few things that people might see as "insignificant" but can lead to trauma) and it can move on to stuff that it's probably more recognized like bullying in school. Bullying and a constant disastrous empty lonely social life all my life has led me to where I am now. Dr. Gabor just reinforced what I already knew deep down inside, that I can't quit my addictions without dealing with my trauma. I knew that but I paid little attention until I found him and then it became clear. To try to paraphrase one of his quotes: Trauma is not what happens to you but your reaction to what happened. I guess the bigger the trauma, the bigger the desperation to escape it and the more extreme the addiction can become. He's seen homeless people on the streets addicted to heroin and all of them had crazy life stories to tell that led to intense trauma. It makes perfect sense. I am probably where I am supposed to be with the addiction intensity that I'm supposed to have following what happened to me. This, too, makes perfect sense. Now, as Gabe Deem has pointed it out, porn addiction is a little bit tricky. You can become addicted to porn without being traumatized. But there is a big chunk of people who are traumatized and found porn at a young age as a form of escape. This is my story. I am a "porn junkie", I don't shoot heroin, I "shoot porn". And get drunk. To try to escape the trauma of my past. I know I have done too little about it, maybe that's why I'm still here. But dr. Gabor Mate, indirectly, without knowing, is encouraging me to take actions. Anyway, my point is, anybody should do too. Anybody who knows they are fucked.