Escape and never come back

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
2 PMOs yesterday (one of which was a retarded, idiotic unnecessary thing) and 2 PMOs today. 4 PMOs in November. If I don't get under 23 PMOs this month, it will be ridiculous.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
On the other hand, looking at my other idiotic addiction (drinking), I've only drunk 3 times in 19 days. However, enough to influence my PMO streak. Anytime I drink, I binge porn in a way that is, quite frankly, scary and dangerous. It's fuckin ridicolous. Nowadays, I don't really have anything to stress me out so I decided to lose some weight. The weight loss is affected by my drinking. Not only that alcohol is empty calories that don't mean shit, but when I'm drunk, I eat my brains out with no resistance. I can end up easy eat 5000 calories just like that. What fuckin weight lose is that? Can my fuckin retarded self quit this idiotic drinking habit?
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
The high was so intense, like crack. It completely died after 2 minutes. It's like that center in my brain or whatever the fuck it is, freaked out at the amount of chemicals and shut down. I couldn't feel anything anymore but I felt drugged.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Of course, after a 2 minutes extremely intense high, I kept trying to replicate it for the next 30 minutes or so. Like I said earlier today, after 2 minutes, it went down very much, I lost like 95 percent of the whole high. What followed was a very weak high accompanied by a strong urge to obtain the o. Because the reward is the god damn o. Not the edging, the edging is the chasing of the o. You don't start edging to porn and then walk away. The fuckin brain will eventually make you ejaculate. It happened pretty fast after that anyway. Maybe like 20 minutes later. 6 PMOs in only 9 days. It's absolutely amazing. Should I try to see a good thing (the only good thing) in ending this day with just 1 PMO? I usually binge. And I "love it". It goes way back when I wanted to escape my pain and I found out that multiple PMOs in a day (but I didn't know about porn addiction) made me numb, I didn't feel anything anymore and I started to be obsessed with it. I'm really depressed.
 

Chris1986

Active Member
Hey sorry to see that you have been struggling recently. I have been struggling myself again for about 6 months maybe a bit more.
Have you got a regular pattern in your using? Have you tried reaching out to people in the "real" not online world for help?
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Hey sorry to see that you have been struggling recently. I have been struggling myself again for about 6 months maybe a bit more.
Have you got a regular pattern in your using? Have you tried reaching out to people in the "real" not online world for help?
For some reason that I can't find right now, I've never been able to tell anybody about my porn problem, even drunk (which when I was drunk, I told my parents everything minus the porn addiction).
 

Chris1986

Active Member
For some reason that I can't find right now, I've never been able to tell anybody about my porn problem, even drunk (which when I was drunk, I told my parents everything minus the porn addiction).
For years I was similar in that regard. I found that having people around you in the "real" offline world that know of our stuggles helps for accountability. It doesn't fix the problem but when they know things are up they can rally round you.
Coming out about these things to people IRL is hard BUT I think it is something that needs to be done for long lasting recovery. If we keep it a shameful secret how can we stop living in shame?
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Since I got out of control with this PMO shit, I've felt exactly lethargic, tired, no motivation to do anything. I'm barely going through the motion of a pathetic excuse of life attempt these days. What's painful is that I know all this yet I haven't been able to get out.
 

Chris1986

Active Member
Since I got out of control with this PMO shit, I've felt exactly lethargic, tired, no motivation to do anything. I'm barely going through the motion of a pathetic excuse of life attempt these days. What's painful is that I know all this yet I haven't been able to get out.
I am sorry it is feeling like that right now. Remember you are NOT alone and you have people cheering you on.
Feel free to PM me if you want to chat.
 
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