Escape and never come back

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Relapse again. It seems that lately I have conditioned myself to every day, 2 days max. I don't even resist it anymore. I didn't even enjoy it. I had a little bit of urges and I responded to them right away...

Maybe I could even tell what's wrong. I started the year with high hopes (typical), I crashed hard and now it's almost April and my year so far is looking like last year. Exactly the same. What I'm doing is probably trying to run away from that, to medicate my depression and fear of failing this year too. I have so many things to do but my fuckin mental health is shit because of PMO and alcohol. Right now, this is a serious life crisis, I'm scared, I'm scared that I can't fix myself soon enough to rebuilt my life and probably I just gave up and chose PMO every day instead...
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
As what you're doing isn't working, you need to try different things. Did you check out online recovery groups such as this one? www.pornaddictsanonymous.org.

At least go to YourBrainOnPorn.com and learn more about what you're struggling with. There are thousands of recovery reports there too. GL
 

logicprox

Well-Known Member
You ever play the Oregon Trail? Remember dying of dysentery?

Medically, no one dies of dysentery. Dysentery's primary symptoms are non-stop diarrhea and vomiting that dehydrates people. The dehydration is what they died of.

At least as I see it, porn isn't the disease, it's the symptom. The diarrhea. :) There's underlying reasons why we use. Those are the disease. But the symptom makes it worse. PMO is a coping mechanism picked up along the way, that it turns out just made the disease worse in the long run.

We have to address the underlying issues and we also have to find better ways to cope. I would suggest a couple of things, besides what I said in my last response here.

1. When you feel like you want to use, don't go to war. In fact, you can even tell yourself you are going to use after performing this next step: Pause. The pause is just to take the time to identify what you are feeling and why you want to use. No shortcuts of saying I'm horny. What made you feel that way? Then think about if PMO will actually change that feeling or thought or circumstance, whether it will actually make you feel any better. If you want to go ahead and use after, then ok, but you certainly don't have to. I just think learning to really understand what is happening is important. Also just another plug for mindfulness as it has helped me to do this a ton.

2. It's been mentioned before, but it sounds like you have been through a lot, and have some things that may be tough to face. It can be done alone but it certainly doesn't have to be. There's nothing wrong with talking to a therapist. Everyone I know has a therapist in 2023. I know you connected with a group for sex/porn addiction, and that's awesome. I imagine that can help a lot with healthier ways to cope. A therapist may be better equipped to help work through the underlying issues.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
You ever play the Oregon Trail? Remember dying of dysentery?

Medically, no one dies of dysentery. Dysentery's primary symptoms are non-stop diarrhea and vomiting that dehydrates people. The dehydration is what they died of.

At least as I see it, porn isn't the disease, it's the symptom. The diarrhea. :) There's underlying reasons why we use. Those are the disease. But the symptom makes it worse. PMO is a coping mechanism picked up along the way, that it turns out just made the disease worse in the long run.

We have to address the underlying issues and we also have to find better ways to cope. I would suggest a couple of things, besides what I said in my last response here.

1. When you feel like you want to use, don't go to war. In fact, you can even tell yourself you are going to use after performing this next step: Pause. The pause is just to take the time to identify what you are feeling and why you want to use. No shortcuts of saying I'm horny. What made you feel that way? Then think about if PMO will actually change that feeling or thought or circumstance, whether it will actually make you feel any better. If you want to go ahead and use after, then ok, but you certainly don't have to. I just think learning to really understand what is happening is important. Also just another plug for mindfulness as it has helped me to do this a ton.

2. It's been mentioned before, but it sounds like you have been through a lot, and have some things that may be tough to face. It can be done alone but it certainly doesn't have to be. There's nothing wrong with talking to a therapist. Everyone I know has a therapist in 2023. I know you connected with a group for sex/porn addiction, and that's awesome. I imagine that can help a lot with healthier ways to cope. A therapist may be better equipped to help work through the underlying issues.
Thanks for advice.

I know what you mean with the therapy. Shame is a big factor for me. I am embarrassed to describe my life to someone.
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Therapists are good at helping people express shameful things. They have to make their own confessions as part of their training, so they are not judgmental. Most people find that speaking the truth to a non-judgmental person is remarkably healing. Try it.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
4 days of abstinence from the porn world. I felt like absolute shit for the last 3 days, I was absolutely anti-social. It's not great either, I am not feeling motivated at all, I am still lethargic, still recovering from that period of frequent PMOing. I just feel 10% better, that's all, better enough to have a little mood to write this. I need to build something this time. I was tempted to jump into my routine just one hour ago.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Didn't make it.

The sexual frustration got me. The massive urges were killing me and I eventually gave up to them. It was a drug experience. The high can't be topped, not even with fuckin drugs. And that's what depresses me. How the fuck do you give up this euphoria? 4 months gone from this year and I haven't done shit.
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Your brain still isn't finding normal rewards normally fulfilling. This takes time...away from porn.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
What I'm doing is hyping myself up because I'm trying to get some momentum. I don't believe that hype alone is enough, I believe it is strong in the beginning and then it fades away, but for building up some speed it could help. After that, of course, there other things that need to be put in motion, like discipline etc. But my streak is only 3 days long. I've been feeling like shit (lethargy, high anxiety, etc. the typical shit) but I want to push myself from behind to go on until my streak gets a little bit longer.
 

logicprox

Well-Known Member
Just another plug for this concept. Discipline sounds like another word for willpower. Willpower is a limited resource and not a good long term strategy for beating addiction or habit. I really encourage looking into the science of changing habits, including the books I mentioned, as well as mindfulness. There is 0 chance I could have gotten the streak I have now with discipline. I had to follow the science, and it changed everything.
 

jonazo91

Active Member
Just another plug for this concept. Discipline sounds like another word for willpower. Willpower is a limited resource and not a good long term strategy for beating addiction or habit. I really encourage looking into the science of changing habits, including the books I mentioned, as well as mindfulness. There is 0 chance I could have gotten the streak I have now with discipline. I had to follow the science, and it changed everything.
If you don't mind me jumping in, I'm curious, what makes the methods you've been using feel different from discipline? Surely there's some element of doing things you don't feel like doing, or abstaining from things you crave? I guess I ought to read the books you mentioned to get the full idea, but I'm curious about how you'd describe it. I'm always so damn skeptical of anything that sounds too easy to be true and so I take a long time to accept advice, especially when it seems simple, but your recent success speaks for itself.
 
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