Escape and never come back

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Hi Escape,

Man, you need to get help. Go to AA. Go to a place where you can dry out, get healthy and free of porn.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, but you cant do this on your own. You need others to help you.

Make it happen, brotha.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
I can't even resist it anymore, I can't even make it to 1 week.

Yes, you can make it to 1 week and more, even 50 something days! Remember?

But 'resisting' is the wrong answer anyway. If it's happening, a binge, just let it be. Eventually you'll be done, and you'll come back down to a place of 'baseline', equanimity, or normalcy. You're brain right now is just trying (wrongly) to get you there.

When you feel like it's 'all out of your system', try again. Be your own best friend, because at the end of the day, you're all you have.

Think of some small change in habit, even if you fail at it; nothing harsh or dramatic, just a tweak. Don't take the phone with you into whatever room 'it' happens in... Or, have phone free days in the week. Something.

You can do it, Escape! But oddly, it won't be by a series of knock-down-drag-out fights with yourself. It'll be in those moments of acceptance, non-judgment, letting things be as they are, breathing deep, and practicing the pause and realizing that,

Hey, maybe I don't need that shit right now!
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
I disagree that bingeing will return you to "'baseline', equanimity, or normalcy." The sooner you can get a sponsor and put the brakes on, the better for restoring a healthy brain. Someone here recommended this resource: www.pornaddictsanonymous.org.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Yes, you can make it to 1 week and more, even 50 something days! Remember?

But 'resisting' is the wrong answer anyway. If it's happening, a binge, just let it be. Eventually you'll be done, and you'll come back down to a place of 'baseline', equanimity, or normalcy. You're brain right now is just trying (wrongly) to get you there.

When you feel like it's 'all out of your system', try again. Be your own best friend, because at the end of the day, you're all you have.

Think of some small change in habit, even if you fail at it; nothing harsh or dramatic, just a tweak. Don't take the phone with you into whatever room 'it' happens in... Or, have phone free days in the week. Something.

You can do it, Escape! But oddly, it won't be by a series of knock-down-drag-out fights with yourself. It'll be in those moments of acceptance, non-judgment, letting things be as they are, breathing deep, and practicing the pause and realizing that,

Hey, maybe I don't need that shit right now!
Thanks for support.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I disagree that bingeing will return you to "'baseline', equanimity, or normalcy." The sooner you can get a sponsor and put the brakes on, the better for restoring a healthy brain. Someone here recommended this resource: www.pornaddictsanonymous.org.
Binging will indeed return you to your "baseline" but to your current baseline which is lower than where you are supposed to be. Abusing an addictive substance or behavior lowers the dopamine baseline with time. That's why after a binge, you are really supposed to feel like shit. And if you relapse 3 days in a row, you are really supposed to feel like shit. Andrew Huberman is a great source for understanding how dopamine works, among other things. And he is right about one thing: In order to fix your dopamine imbalance, you need to stop indulging substances or behaviors that release abnormal amounts of dopamine, which is what I do with pornography. Dopamine is not infinite. You can actually consume it all on bullshit and then feel empty, low, unmotivated, depressed etc.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
I disagree that bingeing will return you to "'baseline', equanimity, or normalcy." The sooner you can get a sponsor and put the brakes on, the better for restoring a healthy brain. Someone here recommended this resource: www.pornaddictsanonymous.org.

Escape said it well, it will return one to their current baseline.

You may disagree if you like, but my take is for someone to start where they're currently at. Fighting the urges in a tug-o-war definitely doesn't help as most of us know by experience.

You know what I disagree with? Sponsorships and 'Alcoholics Anonymous' type of 12-Step groups. These tend to disempower us, and place all the blame on outside forces like 'triggers' and some kind of 'disease'. But, hey, we all have our different approaches, right?

Besides, Androg, you misrepresented my point. I'm not saying binging will 'return' you to baseline. I said that you will eventually come back down to that baseline, and that the brain currently and wrongly is trying to get you there by binging- but baseline will happen, regardless.

'Putting the brakes on' is just another way of saying, 'resist', but resistance just makes the behaviors 'sticky'. The most beneficial thing any of us can do in that moment (of binging) is to neither feed nor fight it, to simply not respond.

Escape has studied all kinds of ways to quit, and has tried several. It's up to him to see what works best for him or not. Heck, it could be 'Twelve-Step', or it could be something else... However he finds help the better.
 
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Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Phineas, you're absolutely right that Escape should find what works for him, whatever that is. I happen to think a close, personal connection with someone will help him pull out of his nosedive, and taking a sponsor is one way to achieve such a connection. It doesn't bind him to any particular philosophy of recovery indefinitely. People often have to go through different phases and strategies at different points in recovery.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
And it’s also true, to your point, that it may take several different approaches at different times, and often at the same time, to combat this insidious addiction.

You may be right, and it seems to be the one thing that Escape has NOT tried yet, is some kind of support group or a ‘sponsor’, at least someone in whom he can confide and turn to for help when the urges hit.

Another thing I’ve brought up often is ‘mindfulness’, and so far he seems to have an aversion, or at least a challenge in understanding it, to give it a try…

(Sorry to talk about you, Escape, as if you weren’t here, but we just care and want to support whatever approach you decide to help yourself with)
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
You know what I disagree with? Sponsorships and 'Alcoholics Anonymous' type of 12-Step groups. These tend to disempower us, and place all the blame on outside forces like 'triggers' and some kind of 'disease'. But, hey, we all have our different approaches, right?

I don't agree either with the idea of "disease" in the 12 steps based recovery groups. It's easy to say "I have this disease man, that's why I do what I do" instead of say, "I wasn't loved the way I should've been loved as a kid" or "My social life was shit because I was bullied all the time and told I was a loser". I believe addiction is a brain conditioning that comes with longer periods of using a substance or doing an addictive behavior and it usually happens because of a (normal actually) desire to escape pain, but done in a bad way. I don't believe I am "sick", I believe I am traumatized. I am a traumatized guy who has not resolved his internal life.

However, I like the 12 steps themselves. But not exactly how they actually are, not because I'm some atheist, but because, in the past, I could never understand how to use God to help me quit my addictions. About half of the steps have something to do with God. Now I can understand why some people may be reluctant to go to 12 steps. Some are atheists, some are mad at God (like I used to). But here is the thing: I've learned from Russell Brand that you can make the steps work in your favor. This might go against the 12 steps groups' ideology (maybe, I don't know), but I believe that if it works for you to reinterpret the steps, then why not? Russell Brand, for those who don't know, was a hardcore drug addict and alcoholic. The guy who helped him is Chip Somers who is an open atheist and who had a hardcore drug addiction (he did armed robberies to make money) and who got clean through 12 steps. So I believe that if an atheist can make the 12 steps (seemingly over religious sounding) work for him, it can help us see outside the box.

I used to say around the forum that the way I (and Russell Brand) interpret the first 3 steps are: Admit, Believe, Seek and accept help. After this there comes probably the hardest step: "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." Maybe step 9 is hard as well. In step 9 you need to make amends to all the people you've hurt through your addict life. But until then, you need to make a moral inventory of all the things and people who have bothered you over the years. You need to stare the pain in the eyes. However, until you get to step 4, you need to finish the first three. And it was easy for me to Admit I was a wreck, but it was not easy for me to Believe I could become the person I want to become. About trying to find help, I didn't try hard enough here either. Unfortunately, in my country, we don't have a physical 12 steps groups for sex and porn addiction. There is only an online group. I've attended a few times. I should try to attend more. However, it was a little more complicated because of my working schedule, which didn't really give me the chance to be on video with those people every time. Anyway, I should try to attend more, whenever I can, I still have the founder of the group in my phone. He has over one year of porn/sex addiction sobriety. So something must be working for him. I want the secret sauce.

Escape has studied all kinds of ways to quit, and has tried several. It's up to him to see what works best for him or not. Heck, it could be 'Twelve-Step', or it could be something else... However he finds help the better.

It's true. You never know what could help you, you need to try them all. You can't disregard something based on what people are saying. Some of the criticism I've heard regarding 12 steps groups is their idea of having a "disease" and the idea of "always an addict". And some say the percentage of people quitting and remaining sober is not too high. But anyway, if it's you who can stay sober through this, who cares anymore.

'Putting the brakes on' is just another way of saying, 'resist', but resistance just makes the behaviors 'sticky'. The most beneficial thing any of us can do in that moment (of binging) is to neither feed nor fight it, to simply not respond.

Yes, I hear you. Ironically, this is included in my "Dopamine management", which I've abandoned like an idiot long ago.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Phineas, you're absolutely right that Escape should find what works for him, whatever that is. I happen to think a close, personal connection with someone will help him pull out of his nosedive, and taking a sponsor is one way to achieve such a connection. It doesn't bind him to any particular philosophy of recovery indefinitely. People often have to go through different phases and strategies at different points in recovery.
I agree that one of the benefits of going to group meetings is the possibility of meeting some people who could make a difference in your life, you never know. I agree on one thing: If you've tried (maybe for years) to achieve sobriety in solitude with no serious success, you need to try harder to find some help.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Another thing I’ve brought up often is ‘mindfulness’, and so far he seems to have an aversion, or at least a challenge in understanding it, to give it a try…

(Sorry to talk about you, Escape, as if you weren’t here, but we just care and want to support whatever approach you decide to help yourself with)
😂 Alright, man, you got me here. It's true that mindfulness is the least researched thing for me yet. But maybe I really need it.
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Hi Escape,

Everything you have been saying it great. Now you need to start making this happen. We all have the power to change our lives right at this moment. Please do seek out again the groups for sex/porn addiction and also alcohol addiction. I know this can be hard with work, but do find a way to make it work. Maybe say to your boss that you have a couple of issues which you need to sort out and need more time off, etc. This is a really big challenge. You need help. We all do sometimes. Sometimes just speaking to a person can take a great weight off ones shoulders.

You are a smart guy. You know yourself what you need to do to make this happen. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
 
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