Prison Break

alrevenant

Member
Its been over two years since I decided to stop P. You don't realize the addiction until you either try to stop the activity, or notice that most of your descions are the bad ones. For me, its not about religion, or some kind of dysfunction, it is about control. To have control over my actions. Not the circumstances, or my own body, but my actions. The enviroment, the circumstances, and my body are beyond me, I can't control them. I can at least influence them with my actions. What I do and what I say are in part, my own.
Prison is somewhat an extreme analogy, but I think addiction is worst. Instead of people locking you, and controlling almost all aspect of yourlife, its your brain who does the locking. In this case, this is my prison break.
 

sho0fl

Active Member
Hey alrevenant, welcome!

Good job on taking the first step and deciding to stop P. You will find a lot of people here, like I have for the past almost two weeks, you can benefit from reading their journals and stories.

There's some stoicism in your words and for this you have my admiration.

You can address some questions (not necessarily answer them on the forum, but for yourself)

Why did you decide to stop P?
How did you think stopping will be? How was it for the past two years? How do you think it will be from here on?
What do you wish to achieve by doing this?
Do you have any other goals in life, apart from this, where you can direct your energy?
 

alrevenant

Member
Hey alrevenant, welcome!

Good job on taking the first step and deciding to stop P. You will find a lot of people here, like I have for the past almost two weeks, you can benefit from reading their journals and stories.

There's some stoicism in your words and for this you have my admiration.

You can address some questions (not necessarily answer them on the forum, but for yourself)

Why did you decide to stop P?
How did you think stopping will be? How was it for the past two years? How do you think it will be from here on?
What do you wish to achieve by doing this?
Do you have any other goals in life, apart from this, where you can direct your energy?
Thank you sho0fl, I will try to answer the questions in future posts.
I take something from whatever I get exposed to, so I happned to be exposed to stoicism at somepoint in my life
 

alrevenant

Member
Hello, I hope y'all doing great!!
I relapsed after 3 days...its better than the last time. I'm in the cycle where I PMO, rest for 1 to 3 days, and repeat.
Anyways, why did you decide to stop P, sho0fl asked. Great question. I tried to stop it for religious reasons, but it didn't work. I decided to stop it when I realized that I was spending too much time on P. I also noticed that my social life was decaying. My desire to stop increased when I read YBOP, and saw where I was headed, its terrifying. Since then I've been educating myself on the subject in order to break free. You have to have the blueprints of the prison, if you're trying to escape it.
 

alrevenant

Member
I went stright from work to bed last night, it was late, and I was tired. I don't usually use my phone in bed, its a bad habit, but I did so and had some thoughts about P. Luckly, I only have one browser; SPIN browser, so I had to download another one in order to access P. Because I was tired and there was some sort of friction between me and P, I didn't go there. I hope this would work everytime. I'm on day 2 now.
 

Simon2

Well-Known Member
Don't take the phone to bed. And don't think of p as being an option. I have found lately that truly not allowing the possibility of P really helps...
 

sho0fl

Active Member
I also turn off mobile internet if it is not necessary, I usually read downloaded books on my phone. You can also consider turning off the wifi as well
 

alrevenant

Member
Yesterday was day 2. I worked a full day, so I was completely busy. But now I have two full off days, and right now Im in the danger zone; alone, with a pc, have access to internet, and have no responsibilities. I'm either gonna watch a movie or read something.
Any advice on how to avoid danger zones?
 

sho0fl

Active Member
Run away from them in the first weeks. Turn off your internet, go out, read a (physical) book.
 

alrevenant

Member
Relapsed on day 4. Im not gonna use my computer at noon, its quite, its boring, and that leads me to P. I'v also changed my dns adress to a clean one, through the windows cmd prompt. Its something I have never done. I used to change it through the router setting, but I have a problem with tha, it keeps returning back to an old dns for some reason. I was planning on making my friend change the password of my router.
Now I need a way to block Twitter, Tumblr, and Reddit. The router lets you block http websites but not https...do you have any ideas about that? I really don't want to use P, but my mind is helpless against my body.
Thank you for reading fellas.
 

alrevenant

Member
Day 1 was as usual, no cravings, no P thoughts and I was busy all day with work. Today im gonna be busy as well, with family.. I locked access to P with a dns adress and I'm gonna tire myself down, so I that I won't have the energy to find a solution to it later.
 

alrevenant

Member
Hey, I hope y'all doing well.
Its day zero. I haven't been posting or even trying these couple of days. I honestly got tired, but my desire to be free from this is strong. One day, I will go do something useful or harmless when I feel stressed, instead of turning to P.
 

alrevenant

Member
Day #1: As usual, the day went with an iron will, sharp thoughts determined on stopping. But as always, this resolve will wither. I need a way to revive it everyday....I know its hard, you guys know too. anyways, I've thought about P for a second, but it was the end of the day and I didn't want to ruin it!
Take care, and stay strong.
 

alrevenant

Member
I feel so small, and insignificant. It is true that I'm just a human being, but to not be able to control my own actions is just absurd. Although I didn't crumble to a rock bottom in a longtime, and other people have had worse experiences with addiction, I pitty myself for I have so many things to attend to, and I choose to stare at my phone and PMO. I need external help.
 

alrevenant

Member
Its really hard to do such a task alone. I wish I had someone with me, who could help me. Of course there are online people, which is a blessing, but somebody physically hearing you out, and taking it seriously, and actually helping you, couldn't hurt either.
Any advice on how to do this alone irl?
 

alrevenant

Member
I basically have to do some daily tasks, and when i'm in the PMO mood, I neglect everything!!! I'm in a 1-1 cycle = 1 day PMO, 1 day rest, then, repeat. Now I have to do my tasks every other day? No way jose!
 
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alrevenant

Member
Did the nasty today. Its really annoying. I hope I can read this in the future and laugh about how insignificant this whole thing was. We tend to overestimate the cloud when we're in the middle of it. Tomorrow is gonna be a clean day, I promise you future self.
 

seano

Member
Its really hard to do such a task alone. I wish I had someone with me, who could help me. Of course there are online people, which is a blessing, but somebody physically hearing you out, and taking it seriously, and actually helping you, couldn't hurt either.
Any advice on how to do this alone irl?
Hey, I totally feel this.
I recently started working with a therapist who has experience with sex therapy, porn use and addiction and it has been SUPER helpful. Even just having someone to talk to about these things without the fear of judgement or that it's going to hurt them was a huge weight off my shoulders. Also, she's been able to give me great insights on what's going on, tips on how to move forward and just generally help me not feel like a POS because I'm dealing with this.
Anyway, I'd totally recommend seeking professional help if you are in a position to. I was resistant to it for years and now that I've started, I wish I had started way sooner
 
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