Freedom

My name is Bruno Oliveira. I'm from Brazil, 23 years old, married for 2 years.

I'm a religious person from childhood, so I learned that porn and masturbation were wrong. Nevertheless, I got addicted in PMO by the age of 11. I started seeing porn first, and only started masturbating some time later.
I think it all started when I found cards depicting naked women in a friend's house. He didn't think it was wrong. That gave me a very strong urge to look for more pictures of naked women, and I did, in the day after, on the computer in my bedroom, even though I felt bad about it. That turned into a habit, and sometime later I even did that together with another friend, and almost got caught.

One night I spent so much time fantasizing about the women that I saw that my dick started throbbing. I've never felt that before (I was in the beginning of puberty) and felt that I was going too far, doing something I shouldn't. Then I stopped looking for those images and fantasizing... for a time.

At school, the cool boys used to say that everybody fapped, and they talked openly about it, and told a lot of jokes on the subject. Then, one night, out of nothing but frustration with my social life, I decided do try. I didn't use any image that time, I just imagined a beautiful girl that I barely knew from school that seemed nice undressing and moaning untill I came for the first time (excluding the wet dreams I've already had at that point). The sensation was very good, but I was sad about it.
It seemed to me that masturbation was something worse than looking at naked women at the Internet. Later I found that I was so badly mistaken.

Then I got back to looking at women in the Internet, watching videos this time, until I started watching "real porn", while masturbating.

When I made 15 I wanted to quit doing it, because I felt like a dirty person, playing with my body in an unhealthy way, and seeing people having sex in unrealistic situations and without caring. That was disgusting, but at the same time, addictive. I knew I was addicted, otherwise I would have already stopped.

I talked to a friend about it, and he was going through the same thing. We then started trying to motivate each other not to give up and stop doing it once and for all.
I don't know exactly why, but at some point we stopped helping each other. I don't know if he succeeded and got free from PMO. I really hope he has. Unfortunately, that wasn't my case. I'd manage to stay some periods of time without doing it, but always relapsed at some point.

Fast-forward to 18 years old.
I was in my longest run without PMO, breaking my records. I really tought I would make it this time. Then all was ruined when I started sharing nudes with my girlfriend. We masturbated in front of the camera to each other. We didn't wanted to have sex before the marriage... Well, what we were already doing wasn't exactly waiting for the right time anyway.
That didn't do any good for me. Since then, I would masturbate often to alleviate the sexual tension (thinking only about her, in respect to her).

We married when I was 21. She had more sexual experience than I did. I was still virgin. But I did a lot of reaserch on how to please a woman... I don't know if that did any good to me either. Maybe it would be better just to learn with her,
naturally, with no anxiety.
In some of our first times, I couldn't mantain an erection, because of my anxiety to perform, and because it required more effort than just fapping, as I used to do. But thank God I got over that very quickly and we can have good sex whenever we want.

Today we are happily married. I love her very much and she is so good to me.
But... In moments of frustration, I have been doing PMO.

I never tought I would do this when I have an incredible woman to whom I'm so emotionally connected and with whom I can have great sex with. I am so ashamed of myself...

It all started in moments I was frustrated with her (it always starts with frustration). In the beggining, I did it, but thinking about her. Then, I started watching hentai, rationalizing that it weren't real people there... And then I started looking at sexy videos of specific women that attracted me, but I don't watch "real porn".

She found out...
She felt so bad about herself, as if I was not attracted to her anymore. That is not true, I am still very attracted to her. She is such a gougeous woman. She doesn't deserve anyone making her feel that way.

I didn't think it was affecting me, but it was. There were times when I would remain erect till the end, but wouldn't come with her. There were also times when I came with her, but then still wanted to watch sexy videos. I learned it is called "chaser effect".

I opened up with her about it, and she understands me. I want to stop, and she is in my team, thank God.

I need help. I have tried alone so many times and didn't make it. I need to try something different.

Thank you for reading this. I hope it can help someone, and I hope to learn from your experience. A good night to all of you.
 

Wolfmother

Member
It's great that you have a supporting partner, and you've already done something right; you've realised that P ain't good for you and that quitting it is what you want. Keep going!
 

sho0fl

Active Member
Can agree, having a partner help you through this seems great.

I can only share my thoughts on this and this is mainly what is considered an 'emotional intelligent' person, that is, a person who has no issues sharing their feelings with their close ones.

Although I don't have much people to share this with that I feel close (not even family, I'm afraid) I believe that sharing all your emotions while going through this and seeing agreeableness on the other side would be great.

As for not having ED - that's great! On EasyPeasy (link) they usually refer to a 3 week period after which P becomes a thing of the past. I would recommend reading that, it provided great help to me.

And as you have decided to quit it for good I believe that you have founded the right direction and know what's good for you. So best of luck on your journey to freedom!
 

Simon2

Well-Known Member
Good thing to you are doing this now rather than 20 years from now, like so many of us. Good for you! Don't take this shit with you, it will steal your life. And very possibly get much worse in 5 or 10 or 15 years...

Welcome!
 
What would you feel if someone dumped garbage in your yard? Then, when your yard has no more room for trash, they started dumping inside your house. When your house is starting to get full, this person starts removing your belongings from the house, to make more room for the trash.

Of course, this is all an absurd. But that's what happens with our hearts and minds when we let the porn industry dump their trash on us. Or just silly people making money or earning views showing their bodys on the Internet.

Those things have no value to us. We want to have real relations with people from our lives, not to harm or own minds banalizing other people's bodys. That is trash.

Don't let they dump trash in your house.
Good day to all of you!
 
Day 2

I want to talk a little about my last relapse, two days ago.

I have gone through some time with no sex nor PMO. I even had a wet dream. Then, last week, had sex with my wife. It was good, but the wish to watch again some girls on the Internet remained.
For 3 days I battled against a strong urge to do it. Every time I decided not to do it, it felt good. I felt masculine. And I was happy with my life.

But then, I got a great opportunity to do it. No one at home for some time... I just kicked the bucket.
I didn't wanted to do it. Really, I didn't wanted to, everything was great. But that urge was bothering me for days, and it felt like it was never gonna leave. And I felt like I was missing those girls, needed to see again those things that they do... Crap.

When I saw them again it felt very good. But when it was over, as usual, "damn, I don't need that shit, why did I do it?!"

Today I was reading EasyPeasy, like @sho0fl recommended (amazing book, will read it till the end). There's a part that says that porn creates a void inside us, and we crave for porn like it is going to fill that void, but it won't. It is what's creating the void in the first place!
That is what was happening when I felt that I needed to see those girls again. And I should have known that the urge would cease. I just needed to resist a little longer.
The only thing I think I didn't get about this book is why the author asks that you don't stop watching porn untill you finished the book, lol. I don't want to do it again.

I was also reading and thinking about how porn and the media in general promotes that orgasm is the best thing in the world, and that we need to have sex in some specific awesome ways. That it's just not true.
How wonderfull it is just to explore the body of your partner, seeing her joy while you do it and while she does the same to you, letting things happen naturally. Nothing is mandatory, it is just you and her having intimacy and sharing joy.

I don't want to let my addiction twist my thoughts on sex never again.
 

sho0fl

Active Member
Press on, I think you're winning man. After reading EasyPeasy I think that you'll have a better grasp of what you're up against. Once you know that and identify it for yourself in your own behavior it will be easier to defeat it!
 

Wolfmother

Member
Meep
Day 2

I want to talk a little about my last relapse, two days ago.

I have gone through some time with no sex nor PMO. I even had a wet dream. Then, last week, had sex with my wife. It was good, but the wish to watch again some girls on the Internet remained.
For 3 days I battled against a strong urge to do it. Every time I decided not to do it, it felt good. I felt masculine. And I was happy with my life.

But then, I got a great opportunity to do it. No one at home for some time... I just kicked the bucket.
I didn't wanted to do it. Really, I didn't wanted to, everything was great. But that urge was bothering me for days, and it felt like it was never gonna leave. And I felt like I was missing those girls, needed to see again those things that they do... Crap.

When I saw them again it felt very good. But when it was over, as usual, "damn, I don't need that shit, why did I do it?!"

Today I was reading EasyPeasy, like @sho0fl recommended (amazing book, will read it till the end). There's a part that says that porn creates a void inside us, and we crave for porn like it is going to fill that void, but it won't. It is what's creating the void in the first place!
That is what was happening when I felt that I needed to see those girls again. And I should have known that the urge would cease. I just needed to resist a little longer.
The only thing I think I didn't get about this book is why the author asks that you don't stop watching porn untill you finished the book, lol. I don't want to do it again.

I was also reading and thinking about how porn and the media in general promotes that orgasm is the best thing in the world, and that we need to have sex in some specific awesome ways. That it's just not true.
How wonderfull it is just to explore the body of your partner, seeing her joy while you do it and while she does the same to you, letting things happen naturally. Nothing is mandatory, it is just you and her having intimacy and sharing joy.

I don't want to let my addiction twist my thoughts on sex never again.
Keep going man! And like Sho0fl said, it's easier to defeat it once you're aware of it.
 
Day 3

Today was a satisfying day.
I'm starting a new job, home office, almost on the second month. I've battled to get this job and it's been very good so far.

I'm realizing that whenever I feel fulfilled and my libido is good, there's that instinct, a tiny voice, saying that I could make it even better by having sex... or, if you can't right now, by doing you know what. As if I had to drain all my energy whenever I'm feeling whole. Well, no thanks. I'm good.

Gotta learn just to enjoy the feeling, and not finishing him off. I'm also trying to identify all my triggers and to avoid them, but also calmly contemplate them when they happen.

I'm picturing addiction and real pleasure as two different trails. What happens to a trail if nobody uses it? It slowly fades, giving way to bush and plants, untill it disapears completely. Let's get the real pleasure trail, even if it's harder, and let the addiction disappear!
 

Wolfmother

Member
I'm picturing addiction and real pleasure as two different trails. What happens to a trail if nobody uses it? It slowly fades, giving way to bush and plants, untill it disapears completely. Let's get the real pleasure trail, even if it's harder, and let the addiction disappear!

This was a really nice thought, enjoyed reading it! Congratulations on the job too!
 

sho0fl

Active Member
I'm picturing addiction and real pleasure as two different trails. What happens to a trail if nobody uses it? It slowly fades, giving way to bush and plants, untill it disapears completely. Let's get the real pleasure trail, even if it's harder, and let the addiction disappear!
That's a nice thought, it reminds me of this one:
If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound
it even has a wiki page.

Other than that congratulations on your achievements so far. New job sounds great, I hope that once you achieve what you're aiming for you'll be satisfied with the results.
 
Very amusing the page about the three, haha
Seems like a strand of psychology that I heard of, one time

Thank you all, guys! Have a nice day.
 
Day 4

Had a fight with my wife early in the morning that got me angry for most of the day. Now things are better, but I feel tired. Being that angry makes me tired. But fortunatly, that didn't make me wanna fap. Guess that's because I'm focused right now, and must keep it that way.

Women are complicated, man! Yet, they're real, so... gotta stick to them. Love the complex women, guys!

There were some moments on the day when the thought of looking at porn "one last time" ocurred to me, pretty fast, and deep inside there was a part of me that was happy with that thought. It is bad that I feel that way when thinking about doing it. I should hate it.
But the feeling didn't last long. I'm pretty certain that I don't want to do it again, and that this is the best for me.

I'm almost done reading EasyPeasy, and man, what a wonderfull book! It is making me feel so good about leaving porn behind, helping me to realize that this is really making me free. And I am feeling free. It's a nice feeling.

Stick-
to-
it.
 

sho0fl

Active Member
Doing great, I really hope that the information there will help. Once you know what you're up against it's just a matter of time to overcome it.
 
Day 5

Stop surviving without porn.

You got it right: stop surviving without porn.
EasyPeasy says that getting free from porn addiction is pretty easy, and now I believe it. In fact it is so easy that, coming to think about it, I think many of us already got free from it, but became hooked again because of "just one peek", or for opening a gap to doubt.

We just have to do 2 things:

1- Firmly decide never to watch porn again and trust that we made the right choice

2 - Enjoy life without PMO

It is as simple as that. It's us that make it complicated, because we tend to forget that looking at splicit material and/or masturbating doesn't do any good to us. The pleasure isn't that good, and it makes us more stressful, less concentrated, less sensible, and it inevitably gets us hooked. But we secretly think of it as something precious and think "how can I live without it?" Then we start to feel miserable for not doing PMO, when we should be happy about it.

That is when the fight begins. But if we weren't feeling miserable, there would be no fight. If we were just enjoying real life, instead of torturing ourselves with the foolishness of thinking of PMO as something desirable, we wouldn't feel as if it was hard. We wouldn't feel tempted to give "just one peek", as we remember that there's nothing special in it, and it would get us hooked again.

So, if we keep following step 1, we will remember that we did a good decision leaving porn, and will leave no room to argue with ourselves when we're tempted. We made a good decision. Let's not question it when we're tempted. Stand by your good decision. Trust in it. Don't doubt. Don't fear. You did right call.

And step 2 tells us that if we're on a thug of war between doing it and not doing it, we are already wrong. We should be enjoying our detox and the changes that are slowly happening to us. We should be happy, not miserable. Then, we wouldn't think of PMO as something desirable.

We don't even have to wait to feel free. Since we decided that we had our last session, we are free. We can, and must, feel the benefits from it and be happy about it. We don't need to fear the urges, intead, we must enjoy the opportunity to overcome them. See that they don't have to make us doubt, they don't have to make us desire PMO. Then we will see that they don't control us, and that we can have sensations without wanting to PMO.

So we just need to work our mindset, as it all is in our brains, to insure that we're following correctly step 1 and step 2. It doesn't need to be more complicated than that.

That's why I said stop surviving without porn. That's what we were getting wrong, guys.

We need to stop surviving without porn and start LIVING without porn.

Peace.
 

Wolfmother

Member
Day 5

Stop surviving without porn.

You got it right: stop surviving without porn.
EasyPeasy says that getting free from porn addiction is pretty easy, and now I believe it. In fact it is so easy that, coming to think about it, I think many of us already got free from it, but became hooked again because of "just one peek", or for opening a gap to doubt.

We just have to do 2 things:

1- Firmly decide never to watch porn again and trust that we made the right choice

2 - Enjoy life without PMO

It is as simple as that. It's us that make it complicated, because we tend to forget that looking at splicit material and/or masturbating doesn't do any good to us. The pleasure isn't that good, and it makes us more stressful, less concentrated, less sensible, and it inevitably gets us hooked. But we secretly think of it as something precious and think "how can I live without it?" Then we start to feel miserable for not doing PMO, when we should be happy about it.

That is when the fight begins. But if we weren't feeling miserable, there would be no fight. If we were just enjoying real life, instead of torturing ourselves with the foolishness of thinking of PMO as something desirable, we wouldn't feel as if it was hard. We wouldn't feel tempted to give "just one peek", as we remember that there's nothing special in it, and it would get us hooked again.

So, if we keep following step 1, we will remember that we did a good decision leaving porn, and will leave no room to argue with ourselves when we're tempted. We made a good decision. Let's not question it when we're tempted. Stand by your good decision. Trust in it. Don't doubt. Don't fear. You did right call.

And step 2 tells us that if we're on a thug of war between doing it and not doing it, we are already wrong. We should be enjoying our detox and the changes that are slowly happening to us. We should be happy, not miserable. Then, we wouldn't think of PMO as something desirable.

We don't even have to wait to feel free. Since we decided that we had our last session, we are free. We can, and must, feel the benefits from it and be happy about it. We don't need to fear the urges, intead, we must enjoy the opportunity to overcome them. See that they don't have to make us doubt, they don't have to make us desire PMO. Then we will see that they don't control us, and that we can have sensations without wanting to PMO.

So we just need to work our mindset, as it all is in our brains, to insure that we're following correctly step 1 and step 2. It doesn't need to be more complicated than that.

That's why I said stop surviving without porn. That's what we were getting wrong, guys.

We need to stop surviving without porn and start LIVING without porn.

Peace.
That was great, enjoyed reading it!
 
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