I really feel that this really identifies what happens when women first encounter the reality of ongoing porn use by their husband/boyfriend. We know what we know and then we hear denial and rationalizations. Meanwhile we put on our hindsight glasses and try to figure out why and when it started. While being told our perceptions and facts are wrong.
Hi @Gracie , that’s not easy to read. I am sure it wasn’t meant to be. I think when I was discovered I said some inadequate things. It’s not bad luck that I was caught, it’s good luck. It’s also good luck for me that my woman is strong. Through these slices of luck I have found the light and changed beyond all measure.
I know you have to emphasise how that initial shock is cataclysmic- but honestly if I keep going back there - which is not where my wife is, nor does she want me to go back there - I would be deeply depressed.
You are incredibly helpful to me but I hope you get my point.
GBS, I absolutely get what you are saying. The one thing common among partners is that cataclysm. Many wonder if that feeling means they are going or are crazy. They wonder if that reaction is wrong. Even though there are sites like this, the “boys will be boys” thing is still common. I know after all the years that my husband and I are past that moment that it could happen again. I also know that I have times that I get triggered. Not by young girls but by a fear of abandonment. Is it a rational thought? I don’t know. This is where we partners can go, “Yes we know how it feels.” Tell us about it. There are times my husband and I do talk about it. The dark place. Why? Because porn snuck in and took control. And that is how we make sure we are connected and communicating.