SoberRich
Member
So folks,
I am back in these rooms. I have been gone a long time, and to make a long story short, yes I was relapsing for a long time, with both porn and alcohol, and finally relapsing just became going back to being an active drinker/user of porn. Now, thanks to daily AA meetings, working with a sponsor, and my HP, I am 22 days sober of alcohol. I am forever grateful for that, and seeing improvements, but unfortunately my progress with porn has lagged behind, and I am very much currently an active porn user.
This one is just so much harder. I have done my 5th, 6th, and 7th steps in AA, have prayed for my HP to remove my defects of character, including this fricken' porn addiction, but somehow I keep on getting back to it at night. I need more meditation on the mat in the morning, more reading of spiritual books. There are goals I have for my social life. I want to find a meditation group, along with my book club group.
Frankly, I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired, as the old saying goes. I know that emotional sobriety will not come, and my recovery will always be threatened, as long as I tolerate this despicable habit.
I am sick of being manipulated every day by the whores on Reddit, I am sick of always being pissed off despite my success with alcohol. I am sick of not having peace of mind.
I am going to go at this hard. I am going to meditate more, pray more, like I said. I am going to also watch myself online like a hawk. I have already decreased my use of the internet drastically. I basically use the internet for school, to check my email, listen to music on Spotify, I will read the news once in a while, or I will check ebooks out on Libby or Hoopla. Besides that, I may download free books from Amazon, but that is about it.
My internet use, when I am not using porn, is analogous to being Amish. No social media. No checking the news (I get most of my news during the week from the Economist which I again, borrow on Libby). But I am going to go further. No more watching videos on Youtube. There is just too much Middle Circle stuff on there.
And absolutely no Reddit. I have had a hard time deleting my account because I've forgotten my password. Not that deleting my account would do anything, because I would still be able to access Reddit porn without one.
I am simply just going to have to go old school on this one and watch what I do online, spend less time online, and pray and meditate more. I'm back here, guys. Taking it one day at a time.
Soberiety from alcohol: 22 days
Sobriety from porn/masturbation: 0
Rich
I am back in these rooms. I have been gone a long time, and to make a long story short, yes I was relapsing for a long time, with both porn and alcohol, and finally relapsing just became going back to being an active drinker/user of porn. Now, thanks to daily AA meetings, working with a sponsor, and my HP, I am 22 days sober of alcohol. I am forever grateful for that, and seeing improvements, but unfortunately my progress with porn has lagged behind, and I am very much currently an active porn user.
This one is just so much harder. I have done my 5th, 6th, and 7th steps in AA, have prayed for my HP to remove my defects of character, including this fricken' porn addiction, but somehow I keep on getting back to it at night. I need more meditation on the mat in the morning, more reading of spiritual books. There are goals I have for my social life. I want to find a meditation group, along with my book club group.
Frankly, I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired, as the old saying goes. I know that emotional sobriety will not come, and my recovery will always be threatened, as long as I tolerate this despicable habit.
I am sick of being manipulated every day by the whores on Reddit, I am sick of always being pissed off despite my success with alcohol. I am sick of not having peace of mind.
I am going to go at this hard. I am going to meditate more, pray more, like I said. I am going to also watch myself online like a hawk. I have already decreased my use of the internet drastically. I basically use the internet for school, to check my email, listen to music on Spotify, I will read the news once in a while, or I will check ebooks out on Libby or Hoopla. Besides that, I may download free books from Amazon, but that is about it.
My internet use, when I am not using porn, is analogous to being Amish. No social media. No checking the news (I get most of my news during the week from the Economist which I again, borrow on Libby). But I am going to go further. No more watching videos on Youtube. There is just too much Middle Circle stuff on there.
And absolutely no Reddit. I have had a hard time deleting my account because I've forgotten my password. Not that deleting my account would do anything, because I would still be able to access Reddit porn without one.
I am simply just going to have to go old school on this one and watch what I do online, spend less time online, and pray and meditate more. I'm back here, guys. Taking it one day at a time.
Soberiety from alcohol: 22 days
Sobriety from porn/masturbation: 0
Rich