Leaving this shit behind

Five months ago i started a thread and managed to stay clean for 3 months. But then I relapsed andd here I am today .... I think I relapsed because I stopped being aware of how dangerous this addiction can be.
From now on, I start again this journey. I will keep the same tactics but now I know one thing for sure. PMO isn't the problem, the problem is why you do it. If I really want to be proud of my life, I have to start doing new things and meeting new people
 
Ok boys so here's my plan:
- My main trigger is playing video games or watching anime late. So I will use my computer only in the morning.
- Every evening I will organize the following day and try to think about this addiction and change my vision of it.
- Every day I will do at least one 1 sport activity
- And the most important one, I will do what needs to be done.
 
Today was hard, I have had a lot of stress. And I feel like I am not 100% percznt commited to my health and i think that's the biggest issue when trying to reboot. I hope tomorrow will be brighter
 
Today I went to dance association, I want to try something new. Maybe I will like it, who knows? I played a bit video games in the evening, I had nothing to do even I told 2 days ago that I wouldn't use my PC after afternoon.

During this day I also found myself looking quickly towards women but everytime I redirected my thoughts on my goals.
 
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Lately, I have been following this workshop and it resonates with what I think. I have to set a vision/goal different than just "stop PMO then I will be able to live my life". I guess I have to work hard for changing my life, and in the meantime try to recover. I hope that whoever is reading that will find love and peace.
 
Lately, I have been following this workshop and it resonates with what I think. I have to set a vision/goal different than just "stop PMO then I will be able to live my life". I guess I have to work hard for changing my life, and in the meantime try to recover. I hope that whoever is reading that will find love and peace.
Thank you, and good luck with finding your vision/goal. I usually think about a person, a fictional one that I created. Following this person is feasable, because he's just like me he doesn't have extra abilities. This person doesn't watch P, so I should not watch it either.
 
Thank you for the piece of advice. I usually do the same thing. I think, what would do the best version of myself right now? And I do it no matter what.
A couple of minutes ago I wrote my fears on a paper then I burnt it. It might look weird but it feels good.
I also wrote what was my goal in the short/medium time. I made sure it was concrete because usually, I end up writing something fuzzy and abstract.

I will:
- join a dance association
- do another sport : yoga and/or bodybuilding
- create/join an E-sport Team
- publish on the Asset Store
- participate to a Game Jam
- create video games and publish at least one game on Play Store/Steam.
 
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I have been sick since yesterday because I ate too ripe fruits. I played video games and watched anime and too much I guess. But I still managed to do a bit of programming, take care of my health, and think of the reboot process.
 
I keep being sick even if I have take rest since last post. I don't care I will go out on the coast today and reflect a bit on the year. I have thought a lot on what I wanted in my life too and I really want to have my mind free (and PMO acts in the opposite way clearly).
 
Today I return to school, this is the end of the holidays ahaahhhhaaaah. Let's start a new fresh year :) and discover a lot of new things and people.
I hope I manage to create my Esport Team. I already sent some messages and I plan to go on some open doors days next week
 

Zeile

Member
We’ll shit, don’t disappear and wallow in your shame. Why’d you fail? How can you strengthen your commitment and purpose to resist the urge? Show us your strength.
 
Thanks Zeile and Schmuck for your support :) Sry for not posting for so long I was really busy. Since last post I tried to not think too much about P addiction. Rather, I thought about my goals, I went 2 times to a dance association, it was really scary because I am really not used to this kind of places but it was so much fun. I started streaming too and trying to create my own Esport team in my school. And I tried my best for meeting new people.
Those last two days I have been really tired, I have had brain fog and I struggled to fall asleep
I will try to post more often in the future.
 
Yesterday I went to a dance session and the teacher have been really rough with me. I hated the course, it was so boring. Then to cope with it, I ate a bit too much. This night I had a wet dream. Today I plan to rest a lot and take some time to think of what I want to do next days.
 
I started thinking of watching P while I was on my computer. This is my first trigger: being tired, anxious and on a computer with no other activities planned later. I switched off my computer when I recognized that I was thinking about it and went for a walk.

I want to eat healthier food. I started journaling what I eat during the day and I write how I feel. I am looking for steady dinner time.
 
I did PMO 2 hours ago.
What can I learn from it? I have had my usual triggers: anxiety, and boredom, and I ate a lot before.

I will try to cook every evening now when I come back from work and stop eating sandwiches or fast food. Doing it could help me so much, both in the reboot process and for my well-being.
For the anxiety, I need to shift my mindset when I come back to my home. I will try to arrange a welcoming clean home.
For boredom, I will try to use less my phone and avoid checking every time social media.

I think that those 3 triggers are more important than just triggers for my addictive behavior. They are also signs that I need I am not proud nor satisfied with my life. That's why I have to engage in activities that are relevant to me. There are a lot of things that detain my life but I am still not aware of them (a lot of them are destructive thoughts). I will make sure that I reflect on my day every evening so I can find the contradictions between my values and my actions.

It does a lot of "I will try to" but all of them are really relevant if I want to improve my well-being.
 
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