List of Beliefs - and kinds of thinking that lead to relapse. I want to add to this so if there are any other beliefs I haven't found, or ideas on how to undermine them I am all ears:
Porn is pleasure
Ok so it undeniably is a massive dopamine hit, but it robs pleasure from normal life and real things. It takes energy away from creating real achievements and connections. Good sex is more pleasurable, putting energy into real achievements is more rewarding. It’s a kind of false pleasure
Listing all the consequences of porn unwinds this too – the loss of love, the loss of confidence, fitness, drive, motivation, virility, and natural masculinity.
Huge dopamine binges lead to crashes where the temptation for that dopamine is magnified, and created by past use. The more time between where I am at and the last binge, the more dopamine flows into life in natural and beautiful ways.
I deserve pleasure
Hmm, do I? Is this just entitlement? Do I not deserve real pleasures as above? How about deserving love? It is a reward – but only relieves the tension created by past binges.
Variety, excitement, different women
Ok sure, but this creates a sexual machinery that cannot be satisfied by one woman and normal sex. This is the main dopamine trap, what keeps it lighting up in unnatural and addictive ways. I am sure we have all seen YBOP, and how the sight of a naked woman lights up the brain and makes us feel successful, so an endless parade of naked women does something unique and powerful to the brain. This is the main cause of struggle with real sex..
At the end of the day it tricks the brain and in reality I am sat alone by a screen and not having sex with lots of hotties. Also love and intimacy are far more exciting and rewarding in so many ways.
It helps with low mood, fatigue
Although it can be a pleasant distraction, and can help us avoid or numb or dissociate, it’s actually a major cause of both low mood and fatigue. Each time I use it creates more of both, setting up greater desire for it. It’s a terrible coping mechanism, and no feeling needs to be feared or avoided, they pass and are part of life’s richness.
There are far better ways to improve mood; nature, exercise, friendship/connection, music, meditation, gratitude. And there is always more rest and sleep..
I enjoy the trance state
I do. But there are plenty of other ways to enjoy trance states which are healthy and add to my life rather than take away.
I enjoy the edging and running the energy
I do. But I can do this through tantric masturbation and sex. I know I can do the former, and hope the latter will be absolute fireworks one day!
Relieves stress, anger etc
Really it suppresses them, or distracts from them so that they grow and become toxic under the surface. Of course the massive dopamine helps change state, but there are other ways. Anyway it is far better to feel, release, and process. I know how.
I am going through a difficult patch, and need this crutch..
I am, but that is a bit of an interpretation and a story. Getting free and clear gives me more energy and power to change my life. It isn’t a crutch either, and causes a lot of the problems that make me feel that life is tough right now.
Giving up is hard..
It has been hard, but possibly only because of all these beliefs about it. It shows that I think I am giving up something good, that I love, which is all false. On analysis there is nothing worthwhile to give up. It gives nothing, and takes everything.
I cant do it
An easy thought which often precipitates relapse. Stinking thinking. I can do it, and have beaten other addictions. I know others are doing it from the journals so it is possible. I have to have faith, and belief that I can do it.
I’m uniquely screwed
Stinking thinking. ‘I am special and different’ so it is especially hard for me. Poor me. We are all screwed up in unique ways
I am weak
Porn has made me weak around porn, I am not weak. I can replace this thinking with new stories about strength.
I am fucked anyway with relationships and life so..I am unlovable
Stinking thinking. Excuses. Stories. Not true, brain trying to set up relapse for dopamine. We are all lovable, full stop.
Its harmless compared to…(alcoholism)
It seemed like that for a long time, but we all know the harms it causes. It is more pernicious and subtle but the damage is real. Ok the state I got into due to alcoholism was far more dangerous and obvious, but I can also see that if I fail to sort porn out it could beat me down enough to relapse. When I look at the cold hard facts, it is just as harmful, and I need recovery just as much.
This addiction is too powerful, too difficult to stay clean
More stinking thinking. All the more reason to do the work.
Porn is easier and safer than relationships..which are a threat to alcohol recovery, and cause pain etc
Some truth to this – the amount of times relationships and pain have nearly led to alcohol relapse. Sobriety did make me afraid of intimacy and rejection and breakups. But porn takes away the choice, takes away the ability or desire for relationships. I have proved I can cope with pain and breakups without relapse anyway, so its just another story. I either risk pain or end up a lonely old man still trying to get it up for a laptop..ffs lol. PIED robs my confidence (I really hope its PIED and not ED but time will tell) and being unconfident and not having great penetrative sex undermines relationships and makes them more likely to fail. I have to believe rebooting will restore that confidence and virility.
Edging to porn is more satisfying than sex, and gives more pleasure
Only because porn has made me shit at it.
With porn I don't have to face that, or the anxiety and fears around it. I have painful and humiliating memories I attach to sex, but with recovery and inner work this will change, and with the right partner all this can be healed. Right now I can see its all about how much pleasure and pain I associate with porn as opposed to love and sex.
I am not in the right place for a relationship anyway
Because of porn.