Tired of this, time to be better.

TheRoma25

TheRoma25

Member
Just created an account, i'll try to post here often. It is time to be a better person, to have a better mind and control myself.

Still got a hole life in front of me. Time to strap the belt for the rollercoaster ride. Hope you guys can help me with this incredibly demanding task.

We all can achieve this goal, let's go!

Day 0
 
Ezel

Ezel

Respected Member
Welcome man 😁, we are all in this together.
Be strong cuz it's going to be a hell of a ride, but it's worth it man ✌️👍.
 
TheRoma25

TheRoma25

Member
Ezel said:
Welcome man 😁, we are all in this together.
Be strong cuz it's going to be a hell of a ride, but it's worth it man ✌️👍.
Click to expand...
Thanks man, i'm sure we all will get through this challenge!

Read some of your journals, very inspiring things!
 
TheRoma25

TheRoma25

Member
Day 1

Today is September 1st, i'm still clean.
.
My mind is still on those things that i saw, most times i try to just shrug it off, it works most times.

Man i hope i can reboot cleanly. i already tried to do this alone, didn't work.

Some months ago i build the courage to speak to my to my parents, luckly they were very supportive.
Despite that i still couldn't stop.

But this time is for real. I started working out, get me to like my body better, get tired so i can't think on P.
Allthough it still wanders in my mind, like a loose bolt that sometimes clings onto something and the noise rings loudly (sorry for the weird analogy)

Instagram is really a thing to avoid. I don't see lewd things there, still it can trigger my mind really hard, maybe it is an ad or an image that i didn't expect. i'll try to use it less.

Thats it fot today.
 
Simon2

Simon2

Well-Known Member
Good for you. Quit this shit now and don't become like me in 25 years, still quitting and telling young guys to not waste their next 25 years! I wish I had quit back then.
 
TheRoma25

TheRoma25

Member
Day 2

Man... today was very stressing.

Well, school has been a drag for me, then work, then studing at home.

My dad has drinking problems. Today he Drank a lot, said a lot of bullshit to me and my mom.
I try to speak to him, but it's useless, he never listens.

All this stress had me thinking about P. But i got the best of my thoughts, luckly still clean.

I really have no friends, it's mostly me and my thoughts.
Everybody says that i'm too responsible, i think thats why i don't have a lot of people in my life.
But i don't think being too responsible is a thing i have to change at all.

All and all, barely got through this day, but i held on.

This Forum has really helped me, thanks for all the support guys!
 
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TryingHarder

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
Welcome, TheRoma25. It's very, very important that you confront and stop the porn addiction now while you're still young. Otherwise, it's going to be a negative and destructive part of your life for many years. This forum will certainly help you out. Stay strong, and keep porn out of your life!
 
TheRoma25

TheRoma25

Member
Day 3

Today was a great day, a busy day.

The good thing is that for the most part of the day, my brain was focused in other things! Still clean!

I feel like i didn't introduced my case properly in the first thread, so i'm going to give a brief story of how i ended up here.

i'm in my late teens, i was PMOing for 3 years staight, everyday.
And i took a total drain in me. I couldn't focus in anything in the day before i PMO.
It took a hit in my grades, my relatinships and mainly, my mind.
After i watched P my mind would enter in a destructive mindset,"f this, f that." ï don't care, f this".
I would just throw my morals out of the window.

I have tried to quit this a lot of times but every time i would relapse and wouldn't try again for another week or month.
Nobody knew about this problem of mine, only me, and i knew it was wrong.

The pandemic didn't help either, i would spend a lot of time on my own, without anyone around me. It only helped to get this problem even worst.
I started 2022 with the mission to stop once and for all, and i'm going to do it. I am going to reboot and quit.

I started learning guitar, got a job, started to be more social, and it all led me here. After my last relapse last week, i realized that i can't do this alone. That's how i ended up here.

All and All, still clean, learning to be a better person with all of your support. thanks!
 
TheRoma25

TheRoma25

Member
TryingHarder said:
Welcome, TheRoma25. It's very, very important that you confront and stop the porn addiction now while you're still young. Otherwise, it's going to be a negative and destructive part of your life for many years. This forum will certainly help you out. Stay strong, and keep porn out of your life!
Click to expand...
Thanks for the welcome! i'm still new but im sure you guys will help me out! Thanks for the attention!
 
TheRoma25

TheRoma25

Member
Blondie said:
Welcome Roma25.

Hang in there and you'll overcome this mental plague for sure.

You've come to the right place!
Click to expand...
I know we all will @Blondie, this is really a great idea! Having a journal here has been incredibly helpful to me! I have seen your journal, it has more than 40 pages! I hope I can get as consistent as you man. Getting all these Messages has been wonderful to my mindset.
 
TheRoma25

TheRoma25

Member
Day 4

Unfortunately, i relapsed. I didn't watch P, but I did MO.

Even though I didn't watch P, i did cheat, my mind still got that dopamine hit. I tried my best, but today the demons won. I lost, but I still won, 3 days is a new achievement for me. And I WILL beat this record, my first goal is 1 month and beyond. I will not let go of my objective.

I'm sorry if I disappointed any of you guys, but I promise I will do even better this time!
 
TheRoma25

TheRoma25

Member
Day 6

Hey guys, sorry for desapearing yesterday, i was extremely tired, i layed down on my bed and put on some music in my earphones,
next thing i know, it's already 7am!

So, about today, clean, yesterday i was also clean. I'm still struggling to not edge.
it is really hard not to.

I really don't want to give up on this forum. I've been thinking in my life choices to this day, and i discovered that i am a quitter, and i don't
like this. Giving up is easy for me, but i don't want to give up anymore. No pain, No gain.

Sorry if my posts are really superficial, i'm not really used to writing my thoughts on anything anywhere.
All and all, thanks for the attention!
 
TheRoma25

TheRoma25

Member
Day 7

Well, today was another day, at least a more relaxed one, it is a holiday in my country, so today i could rest a little.
My father drank again, same story.

Unfortunately i did watch porn. I did not PMO or edge, i just watched it, and it was really fast, it didn't even take 2 minutes, but the fact that i wasn't strong enough to stop the intrusive thoughts bothers me.

Tomorrow i have School to go, work and things to do. I'm going to start working on my diet because i want to lose some weight.
I really like to listen to music, and i'm going to listen to some songs to remember my goals in general, goals to next week, to goals to the next years.

i've been saving some money to buy an acoustic guitar. I really like to play, even though i'm not really good at playing hahaha, it keeps my mind busy.

Another day goes by, and another chance starts tomorrow, i Will be stronger than today.

Thanks for the support guys!
 
TheRoma25

TheRoma25

Member
Day 8

God damnit, i slipped again. PMO.
Shit... Guess I wasn't better than I thought I would be haha.

Man... I've got some shit in my head, you know teens shit. I think my case is a little different.
People say that I'm 19-23 yo, shit... I look that damn old. It is difficult to go to school with this in my head you know. Even my classmates thought that, and it really gets me sad and lonely. Don't have any friends, cuz I'm too 'mature' whatever that is. The thing is I think i don't make a lot of stupid decisions, apart from watching porn of course haha.

My schedule is full to the brim everyday. Don't have time for anyone or anything. Being a teenager in a body of an adult is really shit you know. I walk on the street, people call me 'sir'. Think I'm someone important, then I say my age and it's the same story every time, "Oh, you're only __ years old? You look like you're 19/25!" And it really annoys me. I mean God damn, if i tried to date someone my age they would think I'm a damn pedo. I HATE this. Even though my folk say it is not bad that I look older than I am, i don't really feel the same.

I think I'm disconnected with people, i think that most of the time I pass the impression that I am cocky, that I am a showoff, but i think that I'm not because I'm aware of it, and I try to not talk a lot of myself, or maybe I am... I don't know...

I don't really have anyone to vent this, since all my friends have 'normal' appearences, that's why I decided to vent this in here, even though it is out of topic.
 
Ezel

Ezel

Respected Member
It's okay man, you can share whatever you want in here, after all it's your journal, do with it whatever you like. And sorry 😔 about that relapse, know what triggered you to go back to porn, did you watch porn subs or anything that will make you aroused, whatever it is figure it out and stay away from it so next time you will go further in your streak...

And just know that this slip doesn't eliminate the 7days work of abstaining from porn, a lot of people can't pull it off, we are humans after all, we are weak. But you know what is not okay??!it is staying weak.

Don't stress about your relapse too much, it's from the past now, it became an experience for you now, to learn and reflect where it went down for you. The next thing to do is to get back up and start moving ahead leaving porn behind, and now that everyday we are away from this filth is a victory in and of itself.

Keep pushing @TheRoma25 . You got this champ 🏆🥇...
 
TheRoma25

TheRoma25

Member
Day 11

Hey guys, i disappeared again, i know. But i was clean for three days straight!

I wanted to take a break because this was getting a bit too much, posting everyday i mean. I don't want this to feel like a chore that i have
to do everyday, i want to always think of something to say.

These past days were really good. My mind is really starting to not think about it too much. I think the reason is that i'm using the internet less in
general. Anything can trigger me back to P, really, even normal sounds like a paper shaking can trigger my thoughts. Only when i realized that was that i knew how much porn had impacted my brain, it is not a fun thing.

Thanks God, i'm getting better from this desease. Hope you guys are also making progress!
See ya!
 
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