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hcobra1972

Member
Hi real name is josh. So about three weeks ago my wife tells me she is done and wants a divorce. I was devastated. Over the next couple of days i did alot of looking in the mirror. I came to the conclusion that i am a porn addict. I confessed to my wife and to god. And she has agreed to counseling we start  next tues. I never thought i was hurting anyone. But looking back i dont blame my wife at all i was emotionally cheating on her with porn. It changed the way itreated her and i didnt even realize it. I was distant, never in the mood. I would tell myself its early in the day. I can M and still be with her tonight. But i was always not in the mood having spent my appetite on myself. Ive purged all my porn stash. Havent PMO'D In 2 weeks now. Still having sex with wife though. First few days my emotions were on a roller coaster. One day was optimistic everything is gonna be fine. Next was severe depression, suicidal thoughts even. But im starting to feel more balanced. More like my old self before things got out of control. Im 41 btw. My parents were divorced twice by the time i was 5 yo. Me and my lil brother grew up with my grandparents. I was pretty shy as a kid especially where girls were concerned. Started using porn around 11 or 12. Had stash of mags a foot tall at least by the time i was 13.  Then i got a vcr in my room. That changed everything. Makes me worried for my son. Didnt have an orgasm with real woman until i was 19. So i had a good 7 years of porn conditioning before i even had a real relationship. And not alot more experience than that before i met my wife at 27. Thats when i got my first home computer and internet (late comer i know). No more need for mags or hard copy movies. So i have some relationship skills to learn aside from this monkey on my back. I have pushed my wife away both emotionally and physically. And the whole time she thought it was her. Porn is the worst thing that ever happened to me. Ive been trying to absorb all the info that i can so if any has any advice im all ears.
 

LetItGoAlready

Active Member
Josh, It's not easy to admit this problem to yourself, let alone your SO. I am walking the same walk as you are, as are many others here. One good way to stay in control is to not allow yourself the luxury of thinking about relapsing by coming to RN often, reading others' stories, and sharing your own. Good luck to you, friend.
 

fcjl8

Active Member
Hi Josh,

Welcome, this is an outstanding group of men who all have a common desire to recover from a pornography and masturbation addiction. I'm 52 and married and became a sever P and M addict. I did not even realize just what a complete hook it had in me.

It takes a lot of courage to do what you did and face up to this! Many, no most men will never even begin by taking these first painful steps. It really is a complete dying of "our old self", that addict mind fights hard and works on us.

But, you have 2 weeks free and the addicted mind will start to realize that it does not own you. The withdrawal symptoms will start to ease, they won't vanish but they will even out. Have some positive activities on hand if you feel any urges or face a trigger... exercise, socializing, prayer/meditation, music, nature walk, creativity, random act of kindness etc.

I wish you all the best sir! We are here for you!!
 

WiP

Member
Glad you found this place.  Great group of guys who know exactly how this all works.  They have been a great help.  Welcome>>> read read read then read some more. 
 
Thank you for joining us Josh. I'm really proud of you for noticing the p problem, thing is with us users we never knew how selfish we were until we reached an impasse. I actually read your post before I posted my latest entry, so I think it stimulated me from writing like 2 lines today, so I thank you for that. Keep up the good work so far and through black and white, this community's always around for you.

 

Viper

Well-Known Member
Welcome-
definitely came to the right place.
Many married fathers on here in the same boat as you.
And like you, the many years we got caught up with porn and feedin' the geese, never
in our wildest dreams that we thought it would have an adverse affect on ourselves and
loved ones.
 

Jverhoye

Active Member
Welcome!  As mentioned there are a lot of great people here.

It's difficult to think that having sex with your wife as not advisable.  Personally, i think that is a great goal to have, and I believe the key is to abstain from P.  That will likely reduce your desire to M, and over time, increase your desire to be with your wife.  I would suggest thinking about your goals first, and then laying out a plan.  If your goal is no P or M, and only having O with your wife, then be clear to yourself and to her and move forward with that. 
 

hcobra1972

Member
Another 2 am start. my hours are brutal. and now im dealing with this. use to use p to help fight fatigue. gotta find simething else.

 
S

SO Reboot Partner

Guest
hcobra1972 said:
Another 2 am start. my hours are brutal. and now im dealing with this. use to use p to help fight fatigue. gotta find simething else.

Hi Josh,

As a wife that had enough, I can identify with the struggles to be well in your relationship. Hang in there. Be honest. All the work you invest in rebalancing your reward system will pay off.

Journaling helps immensely with the ups and downs. Folks here are struggling with similar issues. Also continuing to rewire while rebooting is great, but letting go of old paradigms can be tough. Karezza is helpful.

Hope to read more from you and celebrate your future successes.

Kind regards,
SORP

 

Viper

Well-Known Member
hcobra1972 said:
Another 2 am start. my hours are brutal. and now im dealing with this. use to use p to help fight fatigue. gotta find simething else.

Josh,
do you have any hobbies at all?
I see your work hours are brutal as you pointed out and you probably sleep in the middle of the day.
I'm trying to figure out if there was anything like working out, bowling, running, whatever.
Anything that you can do that can put your mind at ease, enjoy, and benefit as a good lifestyle
choice?
 
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