Victim of my own imagination

[SiWalken]

Hi everyone, just want to share my story. I'm 30, started watching porn around 13-14 yo, so got a PIED and DE, Had an awful 1st time with a virgin girl, barely was able to break through. My biggest problem is to maintain a healthy erection. I can have it in the beginning, but in a few seconds everything can go down, that's why i can't use condoms, because with unstable erection it keeps falling down. (lucky enough to still be alive and without non-planned kids)

Now I'm at 47 day of hard mode, and my imagination is killing me. I don't care about porn itself, but live without MO is so hard. I see some morning woods, pretty frequently, but Why? Because I wake up already with thoughts about sex, recalling my ex-girlfriends, sex with them and even scenarios that never happened in real life (very bright fantasies)

During these days I can't get sex thought out of my brain, Because yes I watched porn all the time for last 16 years and MO 2-3 times a day, BUT before I got fast internet I was sitting on Sex-Tales web-sites. Those doesn't have any limits, you could find any topic, and I trained my brain to get aroused not only by an image/video, but by a dialog or imagination. Ridicules! Sometimes when i was a teen, I even got bored on porn sites, because i was lack of my load of dopamine! Regular porn wasn't for me as much aroused as my own fantasies with that girl from my school or a chick from anime. So I damaged myself not only with porn but also with my own mind - so if i want to heel, i should cut both sources. And porn is not a problem... I haven't watched it for almost 50 days and don't really care/

My libido is through the roof, but according to other stories I should have a flatline and occasional wet dreams, But i don't have neither. It makes me nervous, apparently I'm still at the start point because my brain haven't gave up, Please give me some advice

Thanks to all

 

[TryingHarder]

Sounds like your reboot is so far, so good SiWalken. The urges to MO and thoughts about sex will be intense, but it's important to stay calm, not give in, and do the full 90 day reboot. I'm at 130+ days into my reboot, and made the mistake of doing MO too often and too soon. While imagination is a good thing, keep in mind that's really the addiction trying to make a comeback. But the fact that your libido feels healthy is a good sign.

 

[SiWalken]

Sounds like your reboot is so far, so good SiWalken. The urges to MO and thoughts about sex will be intense, but it's important to stay calm, not give in, and do the full 90 day reboot. I'm at 130+ days into my reboot, and made the mistake of doing MO too often and too soon. While imagination is a good thing, keep in mind that's really the addiction trying to make a comeback. But the fact that your libido feels healthy is a good sign.

Thank you for a support, I've failed in the past a few times (first just a little MO, then more, and then I'm back to porn, and then I'm again addicted to anime porn) Before I started my reboot I had a crazy high criterias (way out of my league) Now I feel like my standards going down, to more realistic, so in any case I'm happy with results and hoping for better. Also i do Kegels exercises every day on my way to work, read it is a useful thing too

 

[Daybyday1988]

that's why i can't use condoms, because with unstable erection it keeps falling down

had that same exact problem when i tried to have sex years ago with girls. i found i had basically no sensitivity so i couldnt use condoms either. that lead to more PMO because i didnt want to get any diseases. funny how you rationalize using, right?

and I trained my brain to get aroused not only by an image/video, but by a dialog or imagination

I can also relate here. i did the same thing with craigslist casual encounter ads and comments on P videos. it got to the point were it was way more preferable to read comments and ads than to watch the P itself, and as a matter of fact, it still is.

My libido is through the roof, but according to other stories I should have a flatline and occasional wet dreams, But i don't have neither

define what you mean by "libido". if you mean that you have raging boners all the time then that is pretty great you dont have erectile problems. If however you are saying that you have strong desires to fantasize/ read stories etc, then that is different. dont be nervous though, just keep abstaining from the behaviors, PMO and F(fantasizing)