Innocence's journal - a 90 days hard mode journey

innocence1

Member
Hello everyone,
I am a 28 years old rebooter that has struggled with PMO addiction for a while. I succesfully de-escalated my PMO use when I abandonned any contact with explicit porn - I haven't watched any explicit porn for about 6 months and I seem to have lost any craving for it. Although some positive changes have been evident, I could not achieve the main goal yet - full control over my sexuality and the elimination of some fetishes. Therefore, the journey continues.

Nowadays, I am stuck in a 14-days relapse loop, in which I watch foot fetish and domination videos in youtube. My goal is to be detached from these habits I know are destructive and that obstruct my chances of showing my best version. My "weapons" to face this habit will be:

1. Daily journal (following Mark Queppet's metascript strategy)
2. Two routine schedules → ONE for normal days, the other for dangerous days (days I feel stronger cravings)
3. Daily meditation
4. Internet blocker
5. Socializing, doing sports, watching films, and going for cultural events

The two novelties of my reboot strategy are 1 and 2. Since they are to be introduced, I will pay more attention not to lose traction.

The two routine schedules are:
1) Normal days - 7 hours of solid work + medidation + daily journal + walking on the street / going out / talking to a friend / watching a movie
2) Dangerous days - 4 hours of solid work + meditation + daily journal (multiple times if needed) +all the possibilities above /sports /others that aliviate the tension.

I really look foward to make real progress here. I know I am ready to face and to finally overcome this challenge. Now, as Rocky Balboa says, one step, one punch, one round at a time! Let's do this!
 

innocence1

Member
Day 3
Today I worked hard (8 hours of solid work) since I did not feel any cravings. It was a productive day. Additionally, I scheduled a trekking with my friends and a girl I am interested on. Hopefully it will work out with her, but if it doesn't, it is allright as well.
 

DmdsDmt

Member
You got this man!! For me qigong meditation helped to make the energy circulate and not stay stuck in the pelvis region. I know it might look weird (making hand movements) but i was surprised to see that i had way more energy than ever after just 1 week of no pmo. I really recommend it! I had more energy after 1 week of this than when i did a 90 days streak in the past where i didnt know how to circulate the energy. Also Mark Queppet's stuff is great. Wish you luck!!
 

innocence1

Member
Thank you dmdsdmt! Lets do it together!

Today was day 4.
I have worked less because today is a holiday, and I went to a barbecue with some friends, it is always good to make connections. I can feel the cravings are starting to knock at my door, although they still a bit far away. Probably the next few days it will start to become a challenge. In the morning I had no response from a girl I was chatting with, which made me a little bit mad with her and sad with myself. She responded afterall, but my attention is on giving me permission to fail and not be aggressive toward myself if it happens. Anyways, I feel my emotions are starting its roller coaster, natural when the craving periods become closer (normally between day 7 - 24). For tomorrow I will pay attention on my state of mind and if necessary I will stop everything I am doing to take care of it.
 

innocence1

Member
Day 5.
Today was okay. I had some intense dreams, which I dont remember, but I woke up with a dense feeling of lonliness. However, after meditating and taking my bath, my mood changed for the better. During the day I could not concentrate properly, probably due to these dense feeling. Overall, it flowed nicely. I guess I could had done a meditation session, a journal or other activity to process these feelings. Since my daily activities are lonely by nature (I study) and sometimes boring, other activities are crucial to turn the tides of a bad day... Tomorrow, should this feeling persists, I will take action.
 

innocence1

Member
Day 6
Today was better. Although I had bad dreams, the day was less charged with negative emotions. I will do some exercises now and watch the LOTR series afterwards.
 

innocence1

Member
Day 10

It has been a few days since I made my last entry. The dense nights continued all these days, mainly during the weekend, when I had nightmares and really dense emotions to deal with. However, it seems the nights are beginning to become more tranquil, although this last one I had a wet dream. My cosncience seems to clear about my path to quit PMO, for now.
 

innocence1

Member
Cheers blondie, I wish the best for you too! Just be careful where you point that gun cowboy, I heard you have the fastest trigger of the west
 

innocence1

Member
Today was day 12.
I did not have a good night. I had intense dreams about girls and about how I miss having a girlfriend. During the day, emotions were really dense, and I could feel the anxiety rise in the afternoon. Although I didn't use PMO (didn't even think about it), I think I could had addressed this state by doing something different - maybe exercises, playing an instrument or journaling. Nonetheless, my routine continued and I just ignored this strong feeling of discomfort and sadness. This time things did not go wrong, but this way of dealing with PMO is too dangerous and usually does not end well. For me, the relapse starts at least one week earlier, when this emotional state grows into something unbearable, thus ignoring problems becomes an impossible option. Therefore, tomorrow, if this feeling persists, I will address it, no matter what time and how urgent my studies might be, since my main priority is this liberation process!
 

innocence1

Member
Quick entry, day 17.
These last days were fine. My first wave of instability due to PMO addiction seems to be passing now, although I can feel some occasional cravings. I am quite tired and I should rest now.
 

innocence1

Member
Day 19.
Today was okay. I enabled myself to take it easy on work, since I had a wet dream and my mind was considerably clouded. A slow thinking state mixed with low energy are sometimes the results of PMO addiction and it is totally normal to feel it some days while rebooting. I guess this wet dream just made it more intense today, but I hope to clear my mind on the next few days.
 
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