Close to two years of struggle with nofap

Let me take a minute to get you guys up to speed with my situation. I'm currently 23 and I started using porn around the age of 13 or 14. By the time I started becoming interested in sex, Internet porn was already a huge part of mainstream American culture. I remember surfing the web at age nine for porn (before I even knew how to masturbate) but my dad caught me. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even think of doing it for years afterwards. Once I started hitting puberty, and I had my own laptop in my own room, the story took a sharp turn.

When I started masturbating at age 12, I remember just the imagination of sex was enough to get me off. Then I started watching swimsuit models, then fully nude pictures, then sex scenes, until I finally became hooked on hardcore porn by age 14. This didn't even take very long. Within just a few months I could feel myself becoming desensitized and like I was building a tolerance to sexual stimulation.

I used porn all through high school. This, in combination with my drug use, contributed to my declining interest in sports and academics. All the while, I was spending more and more time surfing the net for porn, facebook and Youtube clips. I got into a good university in California after graduating from high school and continued with my porn use, obviously. I experienced sex for the first time when I was 18 and I remember thinking, "this is sex?" It was honestly not that enjoyable. I had several more experiences like that between ages 18 and 21 and I started to connect the dots and realized that porn was most likely ruining my sex life and causing delayed ejaculation and sluggish erections.

To make matters worse, my drug use escalated through college. I mostly used marijuana and amphetamines, but I have a whole list of other drugs I've tried. I had the most trouble with Adderall, for which I had many illegal sources to get it from in my fraternity. It helped me stay up for hours to study for tests and get my homework done. I would literally lock myself in my room, study for 24 hours, binge on porn in my free time, step out for a cigarette or joint every once in a while, and when it was all over, I'd crash. The only social events I took part in involved tons of alcohol or sitting in front of the TV with my roommates. I guess I just didn't have the maturity to see the long-term pain that this lifestyle was causing me. I didn't care enough to better myself.

Finally, at the age of 21 when I was a senior, I met a girl who changed everything for me. Her name was Natahlie. She was 25 and very extroverted. We had met previously when she was dating one of my friends, but I could tell that I was the one she really wanted to be with. She had a child-like obsession with my physical appearance and she knew that I could help her pass her genetics class to finally graduate. The problem happened when we went for sex...more often than not I just couldn't even get it up at all. Not to mention the fact that she was a complete nymphomaniac, depressed, anxious, frustrated, and had a host of psychological problems. She was so critical of my lack of "performance" and labeled me as gay, asexual, and having low sex drive. Yeah, I know she was a bitch. I was just so excited to finally have a girl who wanted me so badly that I went for it. In retrospect, the way that she handled the situation gave me a lot of anxiety which definitely contributed to the problem. But the main problem was my excessive porn use.

I realized that porn was the problem and came across the nofap movement and yourbrainonporn.com in February of 2013. I tried to prove to her that I knew what the problem was and that I was trying to fix it, but it was too late...she cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend who she admitted was an asshole and that she liked me more than. I was so devastated. This is when I began my journey.

There were a few non-consecutive months of no fap that I managed to string together but I made a breakthrough after graduating from college. By October of 2013 I got a job at a high school and began a nine month streak of no porn and no masturbation. I felt great. My MW came back, my libido started coming back, I felt sharper, more clear-headed, less anxious, less OCD, etc. However, by July of 2014 I started re-introducing masturbation into my routine. This turned out to be detrimental because once I got a real job (I'm now working as a chemist at a biotechnology company) I ended up going back to porn by October of this year. Honestly, it was the stress that caused me to relapse, so I'm realizing that I need to find a better outlet for stress. I've been good about not using hard drugs or cigarettes, and keeping my porn use to a minimum (not binging and spacing out my PMO sessions.) However, I really want to stop porn and masturbation for good this time. Hell, I went nine months so I know I can do it! I've been relapsing but hopefully, with your guys' support, I can quit for good this time. I plan to reach two months by the time February rolls around (the two year mark of the beginning of the end of my porn use.)

If you have any questions or comments about my story, feel free to comment or PM me. I will update you guys on my progress.

Peace,
C.C.
 

lordjazz432

New Member
Hey dude, yeah your story sounds somewhat like mine.  I had a girl that sucked in college and after my stint with her I just got closed off to women.  Sex also didn't seem as good as it used to be because of too much porn use.  Name a drug in textbook and I've probably done it. 
Its really hard to balance ourselves and I know that I basically strive for that most of the time, but sometimes slide back into my addictive behaviors.
I'm trying to find stress relieving techniques that can help me.  If I come across anything interesting I'll let you know.
Also from what I read in your post you seem really dedicated to succeeding which leads me to believe that you will.  Good luck
 
Hey guys. Just hit the one week mark for no PMO. Feeling pretty good about my success, however it still kills me to know that I could be much further along if I hadn't relapsed (maybe even a full year at this point.) But it's fine because I'm learning. Will power is a limited resource. It's going to take some failure before I am completely cured of my porn obsession. I guess the only sign of progress that I can really notice is that my MW is much more frequent and fuller. Other than that, not much has changed. I definitely don't have many cravings for porn either.

I will note that I've been fucking up a little bit with substance abuse. Spending time at a local bar in my hometown has heightened the temptations to drink, smoke and use drugs like cocaine, Xanax and marijuana. But, I'm still trying to improve my life one step at a time. I had a chance to be with a girl recently who was REALLY into me and I fucked it up (thank you Xanax) by over-pursuing and trying to force things to happen with her. She backed me off and I apologized, and gave her a ride home, but I don't think she wants to go out with me again. It's okay though because I have plenty of other chances in the future and I definitely learned not to try and force things to happen with girls and to let them come to me at their own pace. So...at least I'm actually putting myself out there and learning how to be successful with women through trial and error.

Other than that, working at the lab has been all right so far. Just hit the 4 month mark and my boss is putting me through a testing period to see what information I've retained. It's a bit stressful but I think it's clear to him that I'm making a lot of progress and will soon be able to formulate reagents successfully on my own.

 

Adam_2014

Member
PresidentCoolidge, your friend Adam here. I bet you can go 2 years if you want. If you have done 9 months then if you put your mind to it, 2 or 3 years of no pmo is possible for you. Dont be sad that you are starting form zero again. It happens. I did 3 months of no porn,no masturbation, no pmo, and thought that this addiction was with the trash, i relapsed on day 100. So it happens to all of us. Keep going and i hope you well, you friend Adam.
 
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