Man thank you for the encouraging words! You are right. I am not sweating about this girl. She came over and we started to make out and grind on each other. I was lowkey anxious that my dick wont work but i had it hard for a bit. We didnt fuck cuz her sister had an "emergency" and she had to leave but that was bullshit straight up. I think she just doesn't wanna make me think she is a hoe, cuz i was smooth af. There is no way she wasnt down for it. I swear, all the pmo i was doing was because i was trying to avoid the tension in my life. But since i have started to just step into the tension and not run from it, my life just got way better and entertaining. Im still a bit anxious about my dick.. i hope it will work. If not, imma just play it cool and embrace it.That’s awesome dude. And hey — even if nothing else happens with her, that evening of fun was definitely worth staying clean.
PMO destroyed my willpower and vitality. Journal of my journey to 90 days and beyond without this nasty shit
- Thread starter DmdsDmt
- Start date
DAY 13
I have been feeling crazy energy lately. I did a very intense chest workout today and get a lot of attention from girls. I feel more calm with myself, although sometimes i have a hard time falling asleep. I think its the kick of testosterone that gives me so much energy. Its like i have a ball of fire in my belly and im ready for battle at any time. My dick hasn't been working tho. I get a boner in the morning but not very hard. Yesterday though i did aome qigong meditation and my dick started to get hard again.
I have been feeling crazy energy lately. I did a very intense chest workout today and get a lot of attention from girls. I feel more calm with myself, although sometimes i have a hard time falling asleep. I think its the kick of testosterone that gives me so much energy. Its like i have a ball of fire in my belly and im ready for battle at any time. My dick hasn't been working tho. I get a boner in the morning but not very hard. Yesterday though i did aome qigong meditation and my dick started to get hard again.
FrankWhite12
Member
Hey man sounds good! Play it cool, be open and honest about it and embrace it. That's the best you can do. Also, libido + sex drive and hard erections will come around man, just a matter of time. Keep pushin!
DAY 0
Hello guys, i haven't been posting here in a while because my life got way better. I gave up pmo totally and got into a relationship with the girl i talked to you guys about. I also got more traction in my life and started working towards making more money and get some stability. I was on a streak of almost 3 months of no pmo and all the energy i was wasting before, now it was all channeled in my goals. I was feeling very good and the journey was totally worth it. I started from doing so much pmo and watching all these femboys and being in my room for days to getting a hot girlfriend and feeling like a man with a lot of testosterone. Trust me guys! There is no better feeling in life than doing what you most scared of and conquering it. It is possible to rise from any stage if you really set your mind to it and dodge the devil. Sometimes i would fall into watching shorts on youtube and draining my dopamine but i was not going to porn anymore. Some ocasional edging rarely but i was stopping myself at the right time. Now sadly my girlfriend had to move to Finland for 6 months and we had to break up. I relapsed one time after that but i have been back on track ever since then up until today where i relapsed 3 times doing pmo. There are so many distractions these days that i always need to have my guard up. I came back here cause i want you guys to keep me accountable and because i need a group of people to keep me accountable. My biggest fear now is to not fall back into neglecting my life completly and watching porn non stop, like i did after my previous breakup. I hated that life and i really don't want to go back. I was feeling amazing before and had so much energy and i want to go back to that point. I want to get back on track and my goal is to hit 90 days of no pmo and 30 days of social media detox (including shorts/mindless scrolling). I feel like its an endless struggle to fight with all these free drugs that are at our disposal. Every time i start getting more traction with no pmo, the shorts and social media creeps in and the other way around. But these are the days we live in i guess and there is nothing we can do about it other than protect our attention and dopamine receptors at all cost. I will keep you guys updated on my progress as much as I can and try to do it every day!! We got this
Hello guys, i haven't been posting here in a while because my life got way better. I gave up pmo totally and got into a relationship with the girl i talked to you guys about. I also got more traction in my life and started working towards making more money and get some stability. I was on a streak of almost 3 months of no pmo and all the energy i was wasting before, now it was all channeled in my goals. I was feeling very good and the journey was totally worth it. I started from doing so much pmo and watching all these femboys and being in my room for days to getting a hot girlfriend and feeling like a man with a lot of testosterone. Trust me guys! There is no better feeling in life than doing what you most scared of and conquering it. It is possible to rise from any stage if you really set your mind to it and dodge the devil. Sometimes i would fall into watching shorts on youtube and draining my dopamine but i was not going to porn anymore. Some ocasional edging rarely but i was stopping myself at the right time. Now sadly my girlfriend had to move to Finland for 6 months and we had to break up. I relapsed one time after that but i have been back on track ever since then up until today where i relapsed 3 times doing pmo. There are so many distractions these days that i always need to have my guard up. I came back here cause i want you guys to keep me accountable and because i need a group of people to keep me accountable. My biggest fear now is to not fall back into neglecting my life completly and watching porn non stop, like i did after my previous breakup. I hated that life and i really don't want to go back. I was feeling amazing before and had so much energy and i want to go back to that point. I want to get back on track and my goal is to hit 90 days of no pmo and 30 days of social media detox (including shorts/mindless scrolling). I feel like its an endless struggle to fight with all these free drugs that are at our disposal. Every time i start getting more traction with no pmo, the shorts and social media creeps in and the other way around. But these are the days we live in i guess and there is nothing we can do about it other than protect our attention and dopamine receptors at all cost. I will keep you guys updated on my progress as much as I can and try to do it every day!! We got this
DAY 0
Hey, im back... I am back in a toxic loop of watching stupid reels, tik toks and porn. I just uninstalled instagram and tik tok from my phone. I am an artist and i am trying to grow my exposure through social media by doing timelapses of me drawing. I made one already and it got some trafic on tik tok. Ever since i posted it, i became addicted to the followers, chacking how many views and likes i have which gives me a rush that fills my self esteem. Every time i start having some control of my impulses, i fall through and go check tik tok or instagram for likes and i stay for watching the toxic vids. In those vids there would be a girl from time to time that shows her ass or some form of soft porn and i'd get horny af and go to reddit for porn. I admit, my video is also taking advantage of the short attention span of people, but I believe its cleaner than all these girls showing their ass and promoting sex everywhere. Its insane how my memory and mental health took a dive since i started watching those things. They make me feel like shit.
In short, i deleted the apps from my phone and will install them only when i post something.
This morning i went for a short run and took a cold shower. It felt great. At least i didnt stay in bet and watched a bunch of stupid tik toks like the other days. But when i got to my desk to work on my new website, after a while i checked youtube to search for smth and i started watching the reels from youtube on my pc all of the sudden. I tried to stop like 2 times and got back into it like a monkey. It was a matter of time till i saw some girl showing her and stuff and made me open reddit and look for porn. Its insane. Rant over.
My first goal is to reach 3 days of no social media and porn. Baby steps
Hey, im back... I am back in a toxic loop of watching stupid reels, tik toks and porn. I just uninstalled instagram and tik tok from my phone. I am an artist and i am trying to grow my exposure through social media by doing timelapses of me drawing. I made one already and it got some trafic on tik tok. Ever since i posted it, i became addicted to the followers, chacking how many views and likes i have which gives me a rush that fills my self esteem. Every time i start having some control of my impulses, i fall through and go check tik tok or instagram for likes and i stay for watching the toxic vids. In those vids there would be a girl from time to time that shows her ass or some form of soft porn and i'd get horny af and go to reddit for porn. I admit, my video is also taking advantage of the short attention span of people, but I believe its cleaner than all these girls showing their ass and promoting sex everywhere. Its insane how my memory and mental health took a dive since i started watching those things. They make me feel like shit.
In short, i deleted the apps from my phone and will install them only when i post something.
This morning i went for a short run and took a cold shower. It felt great. At least i didnt stay in bet and watched a bunch of stupid tik toks like the other days. But when i got to my desk to work on my new website, after a while i checked youtube to search for smth and i started watching the reels from youtube on my pc all of the sudden. I tried to stop like 2 times and got back into it like a monkey. It was a matter of time till i saw some girl showing her and stuff and made me open reddit and look for porn. Its insane. Rant over.
My first goal is to reach 3 days of no social media and porn. Baby steps
Thank you for reading man! I really appreciate it. Honestly i don't have a self esteem problem. When i'm off porn and social media for a while, i feel amazing and feel like i can achieve anything. I just have courage to say and do anything. But when im deep down in the addictions and im trying to break it, the withdrawals create a feeling of lack and dispair, and i seek getting my dopamine shot from anywhere.
But yeah, my goal is to make my own website where i can sell my art. This is a goal that i am working towards right now.
I also think my triggers are that i stay too much in my room and in my bed. And i also have the phone with me all the time. I need to start playing backetball again and fill my day up with better habits.
DAY 0 no pmo
DAY 0 no tik toks/reels
I relapsed today. I wanted to check someone's page on instagram to see how they set up their online shop and i started to look through posts and then i started to scroll mindlesly through stories and some reels. Then it led me to touching my dick and edging, fantasizing about a girl. I stopped at some point which is good. Social media puts me through a trance and i just loose focus. I am getting a flip phone from my sister soon because no matter what im doing, i keep reinstalling the apps. So i want to turn off my phone and put it somewhere. I realized that i keep checking my phone because of FOMO, fearing that i would looose track of whats going on in the world, which is a false fear. Also i keep reaching for my dick when i sit at my desk. So from now on i will touch my dick only when i pee and when i take a shower.
DAY 0 no tik toks/reels
I relapsed today. I wanted to check someone's page on instagram to see how they set up their online shop and i started to look through posts and then i started to scroll mindlesly through stories and some reels. Then it led me to touching my dick and edging, fantasizing about a girl. I stopped at some point which is good. Social media puts me through a trance and i just loose focus. I am getting a flip phone from my sister soon because no matter what im doing, i keep reinstalling the apps. So i want to turn off my phone and put it somewhere. I realized that i keep checking my phone because of FOMO, fearing that i would looose track of whats going on in the world, which is a false fear. Also i keep reaching for my dick when i sit at my desk. So from now on i will touch my dick only when i pee and when i take a shower.
Thanks a lot for reading and replying man, you definitely keep me accountable and its good. I promise you i'll win this battle
DAY 1 no pmo
FML.. yesterday i relapsed... I was trying so hard to not act on the urges but they overwhelmed me like crazy. Eventually i did PMO a bunch of times. I saw when the first urge came and i was strong, i went outside, but then later on when i got home, somehow it made me going crazy. Like i was fighting every second in my mind between doing it and not doing it. Eventually i gave up and did it a couple of times. Every time it was just dreadful with crazy feelings of shame and guilt... Wack..
I think i have to be more present in my body because i realized that when the urges come, i try to run away from them, instead of mindfully feeling it fully and muster the courage to face the feelings and not to act on them. Thats how i concoued this addiction before and this is how i must do it now too.
Also this morning i woke up and started watching a bunch of youtube shorts. I went on youtube truing to find a video about PMO to get some motivation, but when i open youtube, i straight up see a bunch of juicy shorts with topics that interest me but don't bring any value cause i will forget about them anyways. I will get youtube lite cause you can disable the shorts in the settings. At least i closed it after about 6 min trying to gain back control, but it still made me feel like shit after.
Now I am feeling very depleated of evergy and vitality from O'ing too much yesterday. The lows are making me go crazyyy. But i must stay mindful.
Today i will not do any PMO and starting tmrrw i am going to my sister's house for a couple of days, so it will be easier to not do it.
FML.. yesterday i relapsed... I was trying so hard to not act on the urges but they overwhelmed me like crazy. Eventually i did PMO a bunch of times. I saw when the first urge came and i was strong, i went outside, but then later on when i got home, somehow it made me going crazy. Like i was fighting every second in my mind between doing it and not doing it. Eventually i gave up and did it a couple of times. Every time it was just dreadful with crazy feelings of shame and guilt... Wack..
I think i have to be more present in my body because i realized that when the urges come, i try to run away from them, instead of mindfully feeling it fully and muster the courage to face the feelings and not to act on them. Thats how i concoued this addiction before and this is how i must do it now too.
Also this morning i woke up and started watching a bunch of youtube shorts. I went on youtube truing to find a video about PMO to get some motivation, but when i open youtube, i straight up see a bunch of juicy shorts with topics that interest me but don't bring any value cause i will forget about them anyways. I will get youtube lite cause you can disable the shorts in the settings. At least i closed it after about 6 min trying to gain back control, but it still made me feel like shit after.
Now I am feeling very depleated of evergy and vitality from O'ing too much yesterday. The lows are making me go crazyyy. But i must stay mindful.
Today i will not do any PMO and starting tmrrw i am going to my sister's house for a couple of days, so it will be easier to not do it.
DAY 2 no pmo
DAY 1 no tik toks/reels
Everything good so far. Ive had some small urges last night but i just felt then through and they went away after 1 min. I am also spending way less time on my phone which makes me feel a little on edge. I am avoiding mindless scrolling at all cost. I caught myself opening instagram on my browser this morning and looked at 2 stories but i turned it off imediately after. I will keep myself busy today cause i will see some relatives and then i'll go to my sister for a couple of days and I will keep my phone somewhere and check it once a day. Will also workout and go for walks more
DAY 1 no tik toks/reels
Everything good so far. Ive had some small urges last night but i just felt then through and they went away after 1 min. I am also spending way less time on my phone which makes me feel a little on edge. I am avoiding mindless scrolling at all cost. I caught myself opening instagram on my browser this morning and looked at 2 stories but i turned it off imediately after. I will keep myself busy today cause i will see some relatives and then i'll go to my sister for a couple of days and I will keep my phone somewhere and check it once a day. Will also workout and go for walks more
DAY 3 no PMO
DAY 2 no tik toks/reels
I am feeling a bit weird. I have been able to not use my phone at all since yesterday morning till now at 5pm. I checked it now for notifications and messages and writing and update here, but i feel in control now. I dont feel like i want to watch any reels or tik toks. I opened instagram on the browser to see if i have any messages and i closed it quick after 1 min. I did a workout today and plan on doing some more a lil later. I didnt have any urge for PMO so far so everything good.
DAY 2 no tik toks/reels
I am feeling a bit weird. I have been able to not use my phone at all since yesterday morning till now at 5pm. I checked it now for notifications and messages and writing and update here, but i feel in control now. I dont feel like i want to watch any reels or tik toks. I opened instagram on the browser to see if i have any messages and i closed it quick after 1 min. I did a workout today and plan on doing some more a lil later. I didnt have any urge for PMO so far so everything good.
DAY 4 no PMO
DAY 3 no tik toks/reels
I am feeling pretty good. Took a cold shower in the morning and then worked out. Did 300 squats yesterday and 150 today. No urges so far. Also been away from my phone. No mindless scrolling or reels. I usually start seing the real benefits like crazy energy and feeling more grounded after about 10 days in the streak so im hyped for that. Im also happy i got out of that vicious cycle. Im very grateful that i can stay at my sister for a while to detox my brain a bit. When i get back home i need to clean my room and wash all my clothes. Its true what Jordan Peterson said, that your room is like your mind. If the room is crowded and messy, the mind will be the same. I think my room was playing a big part in keeping the toxic cycle going because every time i wanted to get up and workout or do something, i had to declutter the workspace and stuff, so i just started to get lazy and stay in bed on my phone all day. Fuck that! Stay strong
DAY 3 no tik toks/reels
I am feeling pretty good. Took a cold shower in the morning and then worked out. Did 300 squats yesterday and 150 today. No urges so far. Also been away from my phone. No mindless scrolling or reels. I usually start seing the real benefits like crazy energy and feeling more grounded after about 10 days in the streak so im hyped for that. Im also happy i got out of that vicious cycle. Im very grateful that i can stay at my sister for a while to detox my brain a bit. When i get back home i need to clean my room and wash all my clothes. Its true what Jordan Peterson said, that your room is like your mind. If the room is crowded and messy, the mind will be the same. I think my room was playing a big part in keeping the toxic cycle going because every time i wanted to get up and workout or do something, i had to declutter the workspace and stuff, so i just started to get lazy and stay in bed on my phone all day. Fuck that! Stay strong
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DAY 5 no PMO
DAY 4 no tik toks/reels
I slept pretty bad last night. I had a bunch of nasty nightmares. This is weird but it happens every time after i relapse bad on pmo and then get clean for 3 or 4 days. I have one night with very nasty porn dreams. It was crazy disgusting. I rememeber the feel of disgust and depravation that i was feeling and the gore images. When i woke up i was so happy it wasn't true. I also had some urges last night and started to fantasize a bit but i stopped. Besides that, my mind was racing with random thoughts. I was trying to relax but couldn't.
But everything good today. I got some good news that i am accepted to do an internship at a good company and i hope they will give me a job after too if they like me. As long as i don't spiral into my addictions again, it should be fine. Now i am just waiting for the days to go by and working out and taking cold showers.
DAY 4 no tik toks/reels
I slept pretty bad last night. I had a bunch of nasty nightmares. This is weird but it happens every time after i relapse bad on pmo and then get clean for 3 or 4 days. I have one night with very nasty porn dreams. It was crazy disgusting. I rememeber the feel of disgust and depravation that i was feeling and the gore images. When i woke up i was so happy it wasn't true. I also had some urges last night and started to fantasize a bit but i stopped. Besides that, my mind was racing with random thoughts. I was trying to relax but couldn't.
But everything good today. I got some good news that i am accepted to do an internship at a good company and i hope they will give me a job after too if they like me. As long as i don't spiral into my addictions again, it should be fine. Now i am just waiting for the days to go by and working out and taking cold showers.
cookiemonster
Active Member
Hey DmdsDmt.
Reading your journal I see a lot of my own problems in what you're going through. Social media, particularly shorts, reels and tiktoks, plus games on my phone, erode my willpower, and give me "monkey brain". Then I get triggered by some content on them and because my resolve has been weakened it ends in relapse. Honestly, your story reminds me the most of me out of everything I've read on this forum, maybe because we're a similar age (I'm 22).
I'm going to share my 2c with you. I don't know your full story so take the good stuff from what I say and contextualize it to your life. But just know everything I say here is with the best intention for you. I really hope you get through your addiction, I'm struggling with it too.
I also used to have the problem where I might unconsciously be touching my dick at my desk or something. Only touching my dick in the shower and when peeing has helped so much. It's a nice simple rule. It's so much easier to win the battle "upstream" than when things have started to snowball. The rules are: never erection test, don't touch my dick other than in the shower to wash and while peeing. And certainly don't touch the dick when waking up or going to sleep. I also now charge my phone upstairs wayyy away from my bedroom.
Social media will one day be a great tool for you to reach people as an artist. For now, it's only holding you back. The benefits which you will get from posting a few videos now while you're still struggling from this addiction are negligible in comparison to what you will be able to do once you're "clean". Cut social media out of your life now, so that you can get clean. Then once you're clean, you're productivity will be 10000 times larger and you'll easily make up for the time you spent away from it.
I recently uninstalled social media from my phone too. When I need to access it for messages I can use a web browser or use my computer. But honestly FUCK the apps. The social media industry steals as much from us as the porn industry. FUCK THEM.
You're at day 5. You know the more days you clock up the further away you get from that "monkey brain"/"poison brain". That's what you're fighting for.
I'm also here to tell you: you can do it. And you will do it. You will overcome this addiction. The future holds good things for you and you're stronger than you think. Take it a day at a time.
Every day you're fighting for your life. The porn industry and social media industry is fighting to take it from you. Be your own best friend, don't be hard on yourself, manage your self-talk, you are not your own worst enemy, you're there to help keep yourself on track.
I'm terrified I'm going to relapse myself. It's so easy to do. I'm fighting alongside you.
Best of luck buddy. Don't fucking give up.
Reading your journal I see a lot of my own problems in what you're going through. Social media, particularly shorts, reels and tiktoks, plus games on my phone, erode my willpower, and give me "monkey brain". Then I get triggered by some content on them and because my resolve has been weakened it ends in relapse. Honestly, your story reminds me the most of me out of everything I've read on this forum, maybe because we're a similar age (I'm 22).
I'm going to share my 2c with you. I don't know your full story so take the good stuff from what I say and contextualize it to your life. But just know everything I say here is with the best intention for you. I really hope you get through your addiction, I'm struggling with it too.
I also used to have the problem where I might unconsciously be touching my dick at my desk or something. Only touching my dick in the shower and when peeing has helped so much. It's a nice simple rule. It's so much easier to win the battle "upstream" than when things have started to snowball. The rules are: never erection test, don't touch my dick other than in the shower to wash and while peeing. And certainly don't touch the dick when waking up or going to sleep. I also now charge my phone upstairs wayyy away from my bedroom.
Social media will one day be a great tool for you to reach people as an artist. For now, it's only holding you back. The benefits which you will get from posting a few videos now while you're still struggling from this addiction are negligible in comparison to what you will be able to do once you're "clean". Cut social media out of your life now, so that you can get clean. Then once you're clean, you're productivity will be 10000 times larger and you'll easily make up for the time you spent away from it.
I recently uninstalled social media from my phone too. When I need to access it for messages I can use a web browser or use my computer. But honestly FUCK the apps. The social media industry steals as much from us as the porn industry. FUCK THEM.
You're at day 5. You know the more days you clock up the further away you get from that "monkey brain"/"poison brain". That's what you're fighting for.
I'm also here to tell you: you can do it. And you will do it. You will overcome this addiction. The future holds good things for you and you're stronger than you think. Take it a day at a time.
Every day you're fighting for your life. The porn industry and social media industry is fighting to take it from you. Be your own best friend, don't be hard on yourself, manage your self-talk, you are not your own worst enemy, you're there to help keep yourself on track.
I'm terrified I'm going to relapse myself. It's so easy to do. I'm fighting alongside you.
Best of luck buddy. Don't fucking give up.