DAY 0 no pmo
Hey guys, yesterday and the day before, i relapsed... I feel very disgusted with myself... It all started when i was curious of the deepfake porn that there is out there.. and i said to myself that its fine to peak just a lil cause ive been hearing about it, but it was just the devil whispering right there. And one thing to another, i started to search up every Hollywood actress i know and pmo to that... Trash.. its fucked up how it looks so real. I gotta stay the fuck away from all that cause with AI they are gonna make some crazy stuff that will destroy us mentally. Probabily now every time i will see a pretty girl in a movie, i'd think about how she'd look like in a deepfake porn and trigger my lust. Sorry for dissapointing you guys... Im also very disappointed...
What triggered me to drift i think was that i got the news that my internship will start in september actually and what i did for now was just the intake. I thought it was about to start right away, but its not apparently.. i was sad because of this.. and also i've veen thinking about my ex a lot, being angry about stuff that happened... To be honest my primal motivatir was that i was gonna do the internship and get a well paid job finally and when she comes from finland she wont find the ''same me'' and that i will reject her this time. I know its kinda stupid cause i feel like im getting over this by the day, but this was going on in the back of my head. I shouldn't do things for others, but for myself. And i think because of this anger I lost connection with God and was easier to give into emotions and relapse eventually.
Besides that, before relapsing i went to play basketball and i was locked in! I was shooting 3s like crazy and laser sharp focus and lots of stamina. Semen retention really works and i am back on track now. I lost focus for now but i won't give up! I also stopped keeping you guys up to date which i should have done... Now i feel down and dissapointed but i will rise back up!!