PMO destroyed my willpower and vitality. Journal of my journey to 90 days and beyond without this nasty shit

cookiemonster

cookiemonster

Active Member
DmdsDmt said:
Hey man, thanks for your messages! I read your previous message 2 days ago and it made me not want to slip at all🔥🔥 i didn't update yall cause i was busy to finish my project. I was still watching youtube but nothing that has soft porn in it or anything like that. Still on track with no pmo🙏
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Glad to hear it!
 
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DmdsDmt

Active Member
DAY 0 no pmo

Hey guys, yesterday and the day before, i relapsed... I feel very disgusted with myself... It all started when i was curious of the deepfake porn that there is out there.. and i said to myself that its fine to peak just a lil cause ive been hearing about it, but it was just the devil whispering right there. And one thing to another, i started to search up every Hollywood actress i know and pmo to that... Trash.. its fucked up how it looks so real. I gotta stay the fuck away from all that cause with AI they are gonna make some crazy stuff that will destroy us mentally. Probabily now every time i will see a pretty girl in a movie, i'd think about how she'd look like in a deepfake porn and trigger my lust. Sorry for dissapointing you guys... Im also very disappointed...
What triggered me to drift i think was that i got the news that my internship will start in september actually and what i did for now was just the intake. I thought it was about to start right away, but its not apparently.. i was sad because of this.. and also i've veen thinking about my ex a lot, being angry about stuff that happened... To be honest my primal motivatir was that i was gonna do the internship and get a well paid job finally and when she comes from finland she wont find the ''same me'' and that i will reject her this time. I know its kinda stupid cause i feel like im getting over this by the day, but this was going on in the back of my head. I shouldn't do things for others, but for myself. And i think because of this anger I lost connection with God and was easier to give into emotions and relapse eventually.
Besides that, before relapsing i went to play basketball and i was locked in! I was shooting 3s like crazy and laser sharp focus and lots of stamina. Semen retention really works and i am back on track now. I lost focus for now but i won't give up! I also stopped keeping you guys up to date which i should have done... Now i feel down and dissapointed but i will rise back up!!
 
Androg

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Stay strong, and realize that resentment is not a strong enough motivation for recovery. Hitch your wagon to a more constructive star.💪
 
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DmdsDmt

Active Member
Androg said:
Stay strong, and realize that resentment is not a strong enough motivation for recovery. Hitch your wagon to a more constructive star.💪
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You are right, i started the reboot having God in mind and always falling back on him, but as soon as i let the resentment in and let it play with my head, i started to drift and demons creeped in..
 
cookiemonster

cookiemonster

Active Member
Get back up on the horse and don't binge!

Also, the brain tricks us into looking at pornographic content "oh I want to look at deepfakes because I'm curious". It's just the addicted brain tricking us, porn is always a no go.
 
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DmdsDmt

Active Member
cookiemonster said:
Get back up on the horse and don't binge!

Also, the brain tricks us into looking at pornographic content "oh I want to look at deepfakes because I'm curious". It's just the addicted brain tricking us, porn is always a no go.
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Yep.. that was some bullshit. I knew it was a bad thought and i should have came here and journal it... But then it just started growing more and more and i completly lost myself😔
 
cookiemonster

cookiemonster

Active Member
DmdsDmt said:
Yep.. that was some bullshit. I knew it was a bad thought and i should have came here and journal it... But then it just started growing more and more and i completly lost myself😔
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Shit happens.

But you need to get to the point where something in you snaps. You really want to have to give up porn.

I don't know about you but I've been thinking about it. There's been like 5 occasions when I've had a girl in my bed and I've chickened out of having sex because I was worried about PIED. I see how everything is out there to get us, social media, porn, everything is there to take our time, energy and life force from us for financial gain. FUCK THEM. We have to take it back. Develop a hatred for the industry. That's not an intimate partner on the screen, that's an actress getting paid so that you get showed ads on the website or pay for a subscription.

I'm not out of the woods myself, it's a fucking battle every day, but every day I start feeling better and better.

Start building up a streak again, don't give up man. You can do it. And I'm not just saying that shit, you can!
 
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DmdsDmt

Active Member
cookiemonster said:
Shit happens.

But you need to get to the point where something in you snaps. You really want to have to give up porn.

I don't know about you but I've been thinking about it. There's been like 5 occasions when I've had a girl in my bed and I've chickened out of having sex because I was worried about PIED. I see how everything is out there to get us, social media, porn, everything is there to take our time, energy and life force from us for financial gain. FUCK THEM. We have to take it back. Develop a hatred for the industry. That's not an intimate partner on the screen, that's an actress getting paid so that you get showed ads on the website or pay for a subscription.

I'm not out of the woods myself, it's a fucking battle every day, but every day I start feeling better and better.

Start building up a streak again, don't give up man. You can do it. And I'm not just saying that shit, you can!
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Thank you man!! I am with you on this!! I really hate the industry too. They use perverted sexuality to make money straight up! I am building my streak again for sure! I went 22 days last time and i know i can do better. I think i got comfortable at some point thinking that "i got this" and my guard was not up all the way anymore.. it will have to be 24/7 from now on until i get to 90 days at least!💪
 
cookiemonster

cookiemonster

Active Member
DmdsDmt said:
Thank you man!! I am with you on this!! I really hate the industry too. They use perverted sexuality to make money straight up! I am building my streak again for sure! I went 22 days last time and i know i can do better. I think i got comfortable at some point thinking that "i got this" and my guard was not up all the way anymore.. it will have to be 24/7 from now on until i get to 90 days at least!💪
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Let's go!
 
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DmdsDmt

Active Member
DAY 2

Alright, im back in the saddle now. Yesterday i was clean and today will be too!! My lifeforce is fuckin rock bottom now cause when i relapse, i go all the way untill there's no cum in me anymore. Ive been also watching shemale porn which is fucked up. Everything is just porn induced cause i remember being so desgusted when i was seeing shemales first time and didnt wanna watch that at all. Now if its just vanilla sex, i don't get aroused as much. Ive been also looking at shemale hookers online and fantasizing about how im gonna fuck them. Cause in my head im like "i relapsed already so im going to enjoy this". Every time i do this, it leaves me with insane depression and drained feeling. Why tf am i doing this to myself man.. im also feeling socially awkward and anxious af. Can barely talk to people and im sitting in my house all day again. It makes me such an incel which is stupid cause i know i got game and im handsome. I hate this shit and it has to stop. Last night i woke up at 2:30 and couldn't sleep amymore cause of withdrawls and now im tired af. I was feeling chills in my feet and through my body. Also a bunch of fantasies were coming to my mind but i didn't entertain them. I just wanted to take all this off my chest guys...
The first 5 days are the hardest so i will keep myself busy.
FUCK PORN!!
 
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DmdsDmt

Active Member
DAY 3

Last night i went to have some drinks in the centrum with some friends and i got home very late. I didn't pmo at all which is good. Usually i do it when i come home drunk or high. Today will also be a day free of PMO😤😤 lesgoo
 
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DmdsDmt

Active Member
DAY 0

I relapsed again.. i didnt watch porn but i MO'ed...💀 Its fucked up, its like a trip... My mind just gets cloudy af and i let go too quick... I don't know why i became so fucking weak... Fuck my life... I need to become stonger but its so hard to just let go of these bad habits... Now i feel like trash, but i need to get back at it. I had a dreading thought today that when i will try to have sex with a girl again, i wont be able to have a boner and i'll have to face that discomfort again. And then i just had a moment of apathy and sadness and i totally blew it... Fuck.. i have a feeling now of wanting to give up but i won't.. im very sad and dissapointed now cause of the relapse.. i'll be back with updates
 
cookiemonster

cookiemonster

Active Member
Manage your self talk. Don't get down on yourself, this is just where you're at right now, it's not who you are going to be for the rest of your life, you'll figure it out, you're stronger than you think.

Be your own best friend. It's okay to feel a little bad after a relapse because that negative emotion is your motivational system telling you that you did something you don't want to do, and pushing you to grow! Feeling like trash, hating your life and apathy is no good though. Would you advise your best friend to feel like trash? No, you'd say, sure you slipped up but you're full of potential and I'm going to help you get there.

Something in you has to snap. You have to pass the threshold where you really want to quit.

You'll get there!
 
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DmdsDmt

Active Member
cookiemonster said:
Manage your self talk. Don't get down on yourself, this is just where you're at right now, it's not who you are going to be for the rest of your life, you'll figure it out, you're stronger than you think.

Be your own best friend. It's okay to feel a little bad after a relapse because that negative emotion is your motivational system telling you that you did something you don't want to do, and pushing you to grow! Feeling like trash, hating your life and apathy is no good though. Would you advise your best friend to feel like trash? No, you'd say, sure you slipped up but you're full of potential and I'm going to help you get there.

Something in you has to snap. You have to pass the threshold where you really want to quit.

You'll get there!
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Thank you for the support! Yeah i should be more kind to myself. I've been indeed feeling a lot of shame and was putting myself down for slipping up. Also i know that when im like a good coach to myself, everything just goes smooth and i enjoy life more. Lets do this!!😤
 
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DmdsDmt

Active Member
DAY 2 no pmo

Im feeling alright so far. Yesterday morning i did a chest workout, i went outside and smoked weed with some friends. I've veen trying to quit weed but im not fully in yet. I went 1 month without smoking which is good at least. I want to go another month now. Also usually i used to come home high af and just pmo. I didn't do it yesterday, which is a win. Then i played basketball till evening. It was a really nice day. I love it when i get home after a very active day and my body is fucked up. I also watched Creed yesterday and it gave me some inspiration to push on this pmo shit. It was a good day overall.
Today i will take it easy and do some chores. Also manage my self talk more and be more supportive to myself. We're moving forward💪
 
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DmdsDmt

Active Member
DAY 5

Im still at it! Went yesterday to an interview for another internship and they really liked me. That gave me more confidence in myself and what i do. I feel a bit horny sometimes but its not too bad. Been also working out, so everything good so far. Lesgoo💪
 
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