cookiemonster
Active Member
Lesgooo!
PMO destroyed my willpower and vitality. Journal of my journey to 90 days and beyond without this nasty shit
- Thread starter DmdsDmt
- Start date
DAY 0
Relapsed again.. it seems that every time i get a bit of traction, i get scared of the progress and just relapse. Somehow in my head i start rationalizing stupid shit like "i already touched my dick" and "i already jerked off a bit, might as well just keep doing it if i will reset the counter anyways". When i feel like i get some momentum in my life, i get scared of the success and somehow i just start rationalizing why i should relapse. This time it all started with a thought of how hookers in my area look like and thought of looking them up on a website. I have no intention of going to a hooker but that idea just popped in my head. I knew it was wrong and that i should have just let it go, but it lured me in man... Anyways i feel scared. I know i have a lot of potential to achieve something great with my art and career. But i think im scared of success and what comes with it, like responsability and expectations from other people. And that makes me want to chicken out cause its easier to be a failure than have success. I don't know.. i keep forgetting how good life without pmo is, where i have agency and courage to step into fear and achieve things... I am scared of success and i just sabotage myself. I also feel preassured to make drawings and post on social media cause my friends told me how much potential i have and shit. Also i feel like i need to prove to my ex that im better so she will "realize what she lost" which is dumb. I talked about this before but i still have isues with it. It comes and goes.
Maybe you guys have any advice on the fear of success when building your career or doing anything really? Once i see some success i just sabotage myself.
Relapsed again.. it seems that every time i get a bit of traction, i get scared of the progress and just relapse. Somehow in my head i start rationalizing stupid shit like "i already touched my dick" and "i already jerked off a bit, might as well just keep doing it if i will reset the counter anyways". When i feel like i get some momentum in my life, i get scared of the success and somehow i just start rationalizing why i should relapse. This time it all started with a thought of how hookers in my area look like and thought of looking them up on a website. I have no intention of going to a hooker but that idea just popped in my head. I knew it was wrong and that i should have just let it go, but it lured me in man... Anyways i feel scared. I know i have a lot of potential to achieve something great with my art and career. But i think im scared of success and what comes with it, like responsability and expectations from other people. And that makes me want to chicken out cause its easier to be a failure than have success. I don't know.. i keep forgetting how good life without pmo is, where i have agency and courage to step into fear and achieve things... I am scared of success and i just sabotage myself. I also feel preassured to make drawings and post on social media cause my friends told me how much potential i have and shit. Also i feel like i need to prove to my ex that im better so she will "realize what she lost" which is dumb. I talked about this before but i still have isues with it. It comes and goes.
Maybe you guys have any advice on the fear of success when building your career or doing anything really? Once i see some success i just sabotage myself.
You are right. It seems that one trigger for me is when i work on something and im proud of myself for getting some traction. Today i applied at some jobs and was proud cause i was productive. Then my mind went straight to "how can we relax now, i deserve it" and went for the relapse. Gotta remember this trigger now
DAY 1
Alright, ive been watching some stuff from Mark Queppet and read his meta-script guide and i want to apply that in my life.
I need to think more as a person who "loves the life of not being hooked on pmo" than a person who "is just trying to quit pmo". I also realized its hard for me to visualize how my life without this would be at the moment. Truth is that im scared to even visualize that cause i'd have to face the fear of not being good enough.
So now im focusing on what are my toxic patterns and how I can disrupt them by journaling how i will change the script.
Now i believe my problem is more emotional because deep down im afraid of becoming better because girls will be more attracted to me and "eventually i will get my heart broken anyways so there is no point in becoming better". Im aware that this is just apathy and this is not the answer but its a draining feeling that catches me off guard sometimes... So i must be aware of these feelings from now on.
To beat this, i will take a walk when im feeling down and try to get out of that funk.
Will be back with updates
Alright, ive been watching some stuff from Mark Queppet and read his meta-script guide and i want to apply that in my life.
I need to think more as a person who "loves the life of not being hooked on pmo" than a person who "is just trying to quit pmo". I also realized its hard for me to visualize how my life without this would be at the moment. Truth is that im scared to even visualize that cause i'd have to face the fear of not being good enough.
So now im focusing on what are my toxic patterns and how I can disrupt them by journaling how i will change the script.
Now i believe my problem is more emotional because deep down im afraid of becoming better because girls will be more attracted to me and "eventually i will get my heart broken anyways so there is no point in becoming better". Im aware that this is just apathy and this is not the answer but its a draining feeling that catches me off guard sometimes... So i must be aware of these feelings from now on.
To beat this, i will take a walk when im feeling down and try to get out of that funk.
Will be back with updates
Last edited:
DAY 2
I started the day with a workout and eating good. Ive also been spending my time on youtube. Not fishing for some porn substitute but mostly listening to personal development stuff. My goal is to just not engage in any pmo. I honestly don't care about any other goal. I just want to leave this problem in the past. Ive been watching more stuff from Mark Queppet and its been refresing for my mind to remember why i want to quit this. Its so hard to see whats on the other side at the moment and im scared, but i will have to hold on tight and relax into the fear. Also gotta stay hunble and not celebrate too early and get cocky cause it will couse my fall.
I started the day with a workout and eating good. Ive also been spending my time on youtube. Not fishing for some porn substitute but mostly listening to personal development stuff. My goal is to just not engage in any pmo. I honestly don't care about any other goal. I just want to leave this problem in the past. Ive been watching more stuff from Mark Queppet and its been refresing for my mind to remember why i want to quit this. Its so hard to see whats on the other side at the moment and im scared, but i will have to hold on tight and relax into the fear. Also gotta stay hunble and not celebrate too early and get cocky cause it will couse my fall.
DAY 3
Today i will workout and stay active. I will not touch my dick or do any pmo. If i catch myself reaching for my dick, i will just take a fucking walk. No rationalization. The main goal for today is only this! I will take it in small chunks from now on. Slow and steady wins the race. Fuck pmo man! One day at a time
Today i will workout and stay active. I will not touch my dick or do any pmo. If i catch myself reaching for my dick, i will just take a fucking walk. No rationalization. The main goal for today is only this! I will take it in small chunks from now on. Slow and steady wins the race. Fuck pmo man! One day at a time
cookiemonster
Active Member
Good to see you back on track!
Thanks for the support man! You are an inspiration for me
DAY 4
I went on a walk in the morning cause its nice weather. I had a lot of sexual dreamsl las night and couldn't sleep very well. Also on my walk i've been feeling a lot of chaos and sadness. Probabily the emotions I've been trying to repress are coming to the surface. When i think about it in a way of cleansing, it feels rewarding to actually stay with them and feel them all the way. Moving forward
I went on a walk in the morning cause its nice weather. I had a lot of sexual dreamsl las night and couldn't sleep very well. Also on my walk i've been feeling a lot of chaos and sadness. Probabily the emotions I've been trying to repress are coming to the surface. When i think about it in a way of cleansing, it feels rewarding to actually stay with them and feel them all the way. Moving forward
DAY 7
Hey guys, im proud of myself that i kept it clean till now. I have been busy going to a festival where i met a lot of artists and made very good networking. I am trying to get a job in my field of study now, something that i was running from and one of the reasons i was using PMO. Only thing im not very proud of is that i went to a party after that and drank a lot and smoked too. The party was nice and i made a lot of good connections, but i think i start to have also a problem with cigarettes now. I will quit that too untill it doesn't get bad. I have been saying i will never get addicted to that, but then today when i met some friends, one handed me a cigarette and i smoked it, even tho i said i won't in my mind. So i need to just stop cause it makes my clothes smell bad and is very bad for my health. I don't buy them, usually my friends have them and i smoke from them.
Besides that, i am not very horny. Also i find it hard to talk to girls now for some reason. I feel like my aelf esteem took a hit cause i am struggling to find a job now and i realized i tend to want to please people more. Which i need to snap out of.
I am hyped for the days that come and the energy i will get from no PMO. I need to fix my sleep schedule a bit but everything good besides that.
FUCK CHEAP DOPAMINE
Moving forward
Hey guys, im proud of myself that i kept it clean till now. I have been busy going to a festival where i met a lot of artists and made very good networking. I am trying to get a job in my field of study now, something that i was running from and one of the reasons i was using PMO. Only thing im not very proud of is that i went to a party after that and drank a lot and smoked too. The party was nice and i made a lot of good connections, but i think i start to have also a problem with cigarettes now. I will quit that too untill it doesn't get bad. I have been saying i will never get addicted to that, but then today when i met some friends, one handed me a cigarette and i smoked it, even tho i said i won't in my mind. So i need to just stop cause it makes my clothes smell bad and is very bad for my health. I don't buy them, usually my friends have them and i smoke from them.
Besides that, i am not very horny. Also i find it hard to talk to girls now for some reason. I feel like my aelf esteem took a hit cause i am struggling to find a job now and i realized i tend to want to please people more. Which i need to snap out of.
I am hyped for the days that come and the energy i will get from no PMO. I need to fix my sleep schedule a bit but everything good besides that.
FUCK CHEAP DOPAMINE
Moving forward
SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
Keep it up!
DAY 10
I am good at the moment. I didn't really have time to fall into any urges cause i've been constantly busy. Just had a job interview and it went pretty well which im very happy about.
I have been watching a lot of youtube and shorts tho. They make me very numb and stupid. I really need to cut that back. Also scrolling thru instagram and watching those reels. I got horny a couple of times watching those cause they'd have some pretty girl at some point doing some shit but i'd just skip the reel quick and not linger at least. Today i won't watch any reel anymore and just do some sports or workout. Fuck PMO
I am good at the moment. I didn't really have time to fall into any urges cause i've been constantly busy. Just had a job interview and it went pretty well which im very happy about.
I have been watching a lot of youtube and shorts tho. They make me very numb and stupid. I really need to cut that back. Also scrolling thru instagram and watching those reels. I got horny a couple of times watching those cause they'd have some pretty girl at some point doing some shit but i'd just skip the reel quick and not linger at least. Today i won't watch any reel anymore and just do some sports or workout. Fuck PMO
cookiemonster
Active Member
Keep up the great work.
I'm struggling a lot with cheap dopamine shorts and the like. I guess we've got to go to war with them like we're going to war with the porn industry.
Keep it up!!!!!!!
I'm struggling a lot with cheap dopamine shorts and the like. I guess we've got to go to war with them like we're going to war with the porn industry.
Keep it up!!!!!!!
Thanks man! I totally agree. They are so addicting and they make me numb and anxious. Gotta get rid of them too
DAY 11 no PMO
DAY 0 of no surf
Hey guys, it seems that i have a big problem with reels and youtube... Today ive been watching shit all day again and im feeling like shit right now. Woke up today and said i wasnt gonna watch anything. Then i took the phone in my hand and it was over. Spent 4 hours on it just today. Fuck this shit... I said i was going to focus on only pmo, which is still my main focus, but it can not continue like this. I want to go outside and live my life but everything is so fucking boring here in the netherlands. There is just nothing to do, besides playing basketball, without spending money. I wanted to go play today but i was too depressed and anxious from all this phone usage and didnt want to interact with people, which is a serious problem...
This is why i am comitting to no surf again. The rules are that i am not allowed to mindless scroll, watch reels or binge youtube. Only if i am looking for something in particular. I deleted instagram and youtube from my phone and will try to go for 1 week at first.
Regarding PMO, im fine so far. Probabily cause all my dopamine is dumped on social media and reels and i have no drive to do anything else. Fuck this shit man. I am also going to keep a handwritten journal to help me deal with my cravings. This thing really makes me numb af and i feel my brain melting everytime i fall into watching this garbage.
I feel scared at the moment and anxious about it but it has to be a beginning.
Fuck pmo and fuck social media!!
DAY 0 of no surf
Hey guys, it seems that i have a big problem with reels and youtube... Today ive been watching shit all day again and im feeling like shit right now. Woke up today and said i wasnt gonna watch anything. Then i took the phone in my hand and it was over. Spent 4 hours on it just today. Fuck this shit... I said i was going to focus on only pmo, which is still my main focus, but it can not continue like this. I want to go outside and live my life but everything is so fucking boring here in the netherlands. There is just nothing to do, besides playing basketball, without spending money. I wanted to go play today but i was too depressed and anxious from all this phone usage and didnt want to interact with people, which is a serious problem...
This is why i am comitting to no surf again. The rules are that i am not allowed to mindless scroll, watch reels or binge youtube. Only if i am looking for something in particular. I deleted instagram and youtube from my phone and will try to go for 1 week at first.
Regarding PMO, im fine so far. Probabily cause all my dopamine is dumped on social media and reels and i have no drive to do anything else. Fuck this shit man. I am also going to keep a handwritten journal to help me deal with my cravings. This thing really makes me numb af and i feel my brain melting everytime i fall into watching this garbage.
I feel scared at the moment and anxious about it but it has to be a beginning.
Fuck pmo and fuck social media!!
cookiemonster
Active Member
Hey, it happens. I've been struggling with the exact same thing lately. I don't have a solution but I can offer some social support because I literally struggle with the same issue.
Although, I do have some positive findings to share. I've found that we're only 1 good day away from feeling pretty good again and then only 2-3 days away from feeling serious momentum and clarity again.
So if you manage to avoid social media for one day you immediately feel better and don't have that brain-fog, inability to concentrate, frustration and sinking feeling in your stomach. Then if you manage to do that for 2-3 days in a row you feel confident and ready to conquer the world. How good is that?
You're only one win away from feeling good again.
Don't get down on yourself. The best engineers and neuroscientists in the world are being paid a lot of money to addict us to their platforms. We're fighting a tough battle. But we will win together with persistence.
I've found that usually after about an hour or two of productive work I get a bit hungry and usually start watching youtube while eating, then things go downhill.
Some quick wins might be:
You got this. We got this.
Although, I do have some positive findings to share. I've found that we're only 1 good day away from feeling pretty good again and then only 2-3 days away from feeling serious momentum and clarity again.
So if you manage to avoid social media for one day you immediately feel better and don't have that brain-fog, inability to concentrate, frustration and sinking feeling in your stomach. Then if you manage to do that for 2-3 days in a row you feel confident and ready to conquer the world. How good is that?
You're only one win away from feeling good again.
Don't get down on yourself. The best engineers and neuroscientists in the world are being paid a lot of money to addict us to their platforms. We're fighting a tough battle. But we will win together with persistence.
I've found that usually after about an hour or two of productive work I get a bit hungry and usually start watching youtube while eating, then things go downhill.
Some quick wins might be:
- Don't charge your phone in your bedroom at night, charge it as far away as possible and turn it off.
- Find trigger moments, like me when I'm eating lunch and in the morning write down the conscious action you will take in that moment: e.g. when I'm eating lunch I will sit there with my own thoughts instead of grabbing my phone and looking at youtube (and see what you will do in your mind's eye)
You got this. We got this.