PMO destroyed my willpower and vitality. Journal of my journey to 90 days and beyond without this nasty shit

cookiemonster

cookiemonster

Active Member
Get right back up on the horse. We support you.

I'm just going to share an observation that your friends seem to have triggered you to smoke cigarettes, weed and MO/PMO when you didn't want to.

I'm sure this is a very well documented problem with regards to alcohol addiction and cigarette addiction. Maybe have a look into how those people handle it. You want to figure out a way of not letting that social circle bring you down while not completely losing social connection.

You will figure it out. You're stronger than you think. One slip up doesn't change your identity. You're a good man for being here and trying to improve your life. You'll get there. Keep coming to the forum.
 
Androg

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Oh well...sh*t happens. Back on your streak. Triggers can activate the brain more than actual sex (or drug use, or whatever our addiction is). So it shouldn't surprise you that a trigger capsized your boat.

Be ready! 💪
 
Brutus

Brutus

Active Member
Good job staying away from porn and just MOing. We all know how hard it is to do that. It's much more healthy to have an MO relapse rather than a PMO relapse. Be careful of the urges that might come up in the next couple days.
 
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DmdsDmt

Active Member
cookiemonster said:
Get right back up on the horse. We support you.

I'm just going to share an observation that your friends seem to have triggered you to smoke cigarettes, weed and MO/PMO when you didn't want to.

I'm sure this is a very well documented problem with regards to alcohol addiction and cigarette addiction. Maybe have a look into how those people handle it. You want to figure out a way of not letting that social circle bring you down while not completely losing social connection.

You will figure it out. You're stronger than you think. One slip up doesn't change your identity. You're a good man for being here and trying to improve your life. You'll get there. Keep coming to the forum.
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Thanks man! My social circle has a big influence on my bad habits. Social situations tend to trigger me a lot. My friends are not that bad, but also not great when it comes to vices. I turned to cigarettes so i dont smoke weed too much when im with them. They smoke evey time we meet and ive been doing a good job lately to just not smoke weed when they do but these days it was so hard.
 
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DmdsDmt

Active Member
DAY 0 no PMO
DAY 0 no surf

Hey guys, thank you for the support messages. These past 2 days went pretty bad as i smoked weed on both of them. Ive been working on a creative project with a friend and we smoked a lot. The project is turning out great, but ive been relapsing again on PMO and reels last night... I didn't watch reels untill my hand fell off like i did before, but i watched some and it was funny to see that i wasn't that addicted anymore and i could see how stupid every one of them is. Its literally just garbage. So many topics.
About the weed, I know its bad for my brain but it gives me crazy creativity when i need it. I was super creative without it too tho, when i was 20 days into the pmo streak.
Also the PMO thing, it wasn't pleasant relapsing but i didn't want to face the bad feelings of the relapse from before and did it to forget💀 its so stupid cause i keep running from these feelings but i will have to face them eventually anyways.
But i got to a point in this streak where i was feeling amazing. Haven't felt this good in a long time. It was the no pmo combined with no surf. Haven't had this much progress in a while, so im not dissapointed all the way. Can't wait to get back to 20 days. I want to shoot higher tho and actually keep it going.. also if there would be an O relapse, at least it should be with a girl and not by myself alone in a room like a weirdo. Also it seems that for me a barrier is at @ the 20th day mark. This is when i relapsed before and this time too. I think i get scared of the benefits that i feel. Cause i feel like i need to use that energy and put it somewhere and this puts preasure on me, but fuck this, i need to learn how to handle good feelings too basically.
Im back at it✌️
 
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DmdsDmt

Active Member
DAY 0 no PMO
DAY 0 no surf

Hey guys, i relapsed again.. im struggling to get out of this cycle to be honest. Ive been smoking weed the last 3 days and its been bad. Ive been also working on my stuff. Im not neglecting my life completely, but it has to stop. Tomorrow im going to my sister for a couple of days and will break this toxic cycle i got into. Will be back with updates.
 
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DmdsDmt

Active Member
Androg said:
I fear it's the smoke that's holding you back....
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Yeah man.. im afraid you are right. I want to quit it too but its so fuckin hard man... I would make some progress of 20 days and could start feeling good again and then followed by a crazy binge of everything.. (pmo, social media, cigarettes, weed)... Its so hard to try to dodge all of these... I feel like giving up sometimes honestly.
 
cookiemonster

cookiemonster

Active Member
You feel bad when you do the things which are not congruent with the person you want to be. They don't align with who you want to be anymore.

Would the solution be to give in and indulge in those activities every day? Of course not.

You built up a streak, that's consecutive days where you proved you can overcome this challenge.

Don't be hard on yourself and feel like giving up. It's normal to feel bad, those negative emotions are your body, brain and soul telling you that you're not living like the person you should be! But you'll get there.

Keep coming to the forum. Keep posting every day. Keep fighting every day.

Trust me, you're only one day of beating this stuff away from starting to feel better again and then a few days until you've really got some momentum.

Every day is a second chance my guy.

Don't give up. The future holds good things for you and you're stronger than you think!
 
D

DmdsDmt

Active Member
cookiemonster said:
You feel bad when you do the things which are not congruent with the person you want to be. They don't align with who you want to be anymore.

Would the solution be to give in and indulge in those activities every day? Of course not.

You built up a streak, that's consecutive days where you proved you can overcome this challenge.

Don't be hard on yourself and feel like giving up. It's normal to feel bad, those negative emotions are your body, brain and soul telling you that you're not living like the person you should be! But you'll get there.

Keep coming to the forum. Keep posting every day. Keep fighting every day.

Trust me, you're only one day of beating this stuff away from starting to feel better again and then a few days until you've really got some momentum.

Every day is a second chance my guy.

Don't give up. The future holds good things for you and you're stronger than you think!
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Thanks man!!! Im def back at it. This shit can throw me into some pretty nasty emotional trips but its fine, they all go away in the end and it will get better for sure. Its so annoying when i relapse cause i can't control myself to relapse only ones, but then i do it until there's no cum in my body and then even more. And it sets me back for days where im just in my room awkward af with no lifeforce at all. I need to become better at controlling my impulses
 
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DmdsDmt

Active Member
DAY 1 no PMO
DAY 0 no surf

Today its been good, ive looked up some stuff on youtube and aaw some reels. But stopped after a lil, so no biggie. Im definitely back at it now. Took today to recalibrate my emotions and shit and now im feeling better. This time i want to get it done for real.
Most of the time i was triggered it was because of weed. So i will keep away from it from now on. I've been smoking it because it was making me creative and made me enjoy life more. But thats because my dopamine receptors are fried on a regular. This last streak, i did no surf and i was feeling great sober. Way better than on weed. And i was also creative af. So i am getting back at it with no excuses to smoke weed. I need to have the courage to realize that this is not who I really am now. Now im just an altered weak version affected by too much pmo, with a limp dick and no libido at all.
Fuck this shit. Fuck pmo fuck weed and fuck social media
 
cookiemonster

cookiemonster

Active Member
You want to be careful with the shorts and reels etc. They're porn substitutes, meaning they keep alive the neurological pathways which we're trying to weaken.

You're not some altered weak version. You're just dealing with a challenge and the more you manage to handle it the way you want to, the better you'll feel about yourself and you should also see some external things in the world align to make you feel that life is good.

Wishing you nothing but the best man. You can do this. Take the best bits of our comments which make you feel better and more determined.
 
D

DmdsDmt

Active Member
cookiemonster said:
You want to be careful with the shorts and reels etc. They're porn substitutes, meaning they keep alive the neurological pathways which we're trying to weaken.

You're not some altered weak version. You're just dealing with a challenge and the more you manage to handle it the way you want to, the better you'll feel about yourself and you should also see some external things in the world align to make you feel that life is good.

Wishing you nothing but the best man. You can do this. Take the best bits of our comments which make you feel better and more determined.
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Thank you for the support man!! I really appreciate it!!
What do you mean by reels being porn substitutes tho? As in we're trying to weaken the short gratification impulses? Or that there's a risk to see some soft porn in those reels and relapse?
 
Androg

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
The risk is that your brain is using the constant search for instant novelty to get little hits of dopamine. This is also what drives Porn Addiction or slot machine use.
 
cookiemonster

cookiemonster

Active Member
DmdsDmt said:
Thank you for the support man!! I really appreciate it!!
What do you mean by reels being porn substitutes tho? As in we're trying to weaken the short gratification impulses? Or that there's a risk to see some soft porn in those reels and relapse?
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What Androg said is true and also what you mentioned about soft porn. If I find myself scrolling through a feed and I reflect on it, sometimes you're subconsciously seeking a trigger.
 
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DmdsDmt

Active Member
DAY 6 no PMO
DAY 3 no surf

Hey guys, im pretty depressed at the moment so im just gonna vent a bit here hoping to let it out. Feeling all kinds of things right now. Ive been very much an asshole to myself these days. I keep getting stuck in my head, beating myself up every time. I try to stay positive but sometimes it just creeps in and i feel like trash. Everytime im not in full control of my thoughts, every small thing triggers me into shaming myself for not holding up to some invented crazy high standard i fabricated in my mind. Im feeling better now tho. I realized that i became a bit afraid of the outer world because it can trigger me to hate myself, but i will take this as a challenge and welcome the triggers and find the spots where i need to find empathy for myself. Hopefully this is going to make it better. Today i went shopping and i saw a guy with this gorgeous looking girl. I instantly felt like a loser for not having that and been beating myself up because "i wasn't man enough to keep my ex with me cause she was beautiful", which is stupid because i knew from the beginning it wasn't gonna work and that she had hella isues. I gave in just because she was good looking. I know i deserve a great woman next to me and im willing to work on myself to create the reality i want to have.
As far as the pmo goes, im still going strong. All these emotions will pass soon and will feel better and stronger💪🦍
 
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