100 Day Journal II: The Revamp

Yelashade

Member
@LS90

I appreciate what you're saying; I'm just annoyed because I paid for it. My mind just went into a meltdown because of the lack of action and I feel so stupid for doing so. If you judged me, I wouldn't blame you at all. The PMO binge was a direct result of my shame in having paid for it.

The O's weren't great at all actually, they were fabricated in my mind as being great. But after O, there was that sense of a void that you get from M'ing to P, something that we all avoid. I had a read of that link you sent me again, thanks for that mate. I really needed to see that again, I'm just going to focus on my 2nd streak. I'll check you out in a sec.

@Bluefly

Hey man, I'm flattered that you thought of me as an inspiration for you. I'll have a look at your story once I've posted this. As for what you've said, you're right mate, I just beat myself up so much about it. I'd seen people on here like Kaybee, LS90 etc, who have all done incredibly well, just end up relapsing and feeding their addiction again. Because I didn't relapse when they did, I think I thought I was going to be part of that small statistic of people that make it through to the other side without a relapse. I was wrong lol. But hey, just like it all started again. Gonna revert back to my 5 day journals!
 

Yelashade

Member
Day 5

Hah, wow that feels weird saying that lol. Well, the urges have been incredibly strong and I've done my absolute best to fight them off. I'm in a new job now and it's quite taxing, but I haven't lost my drive to pursue sex. Not watched anything, but I was tempted to pay for it again, which I'm really struggling to deal with at the moment. My mind feels like it's gone back to September last year, when I felt really shit about my ex dumping me. Still though, I'm trying to fight it and I refuse to be beaten by this. I've been feeling too stubborn to sink again haha. Bring on the next 95 days!
 

jkkk

Well-Known Member
Keep on fighting, bro.

You are an inspiration. Look what you've done - an addict thing and they came here and admitted it. That takes balls. You're a hero to me.

And I would never blame for using paid sex. It's a thing that can happen to anyone and happened to many. It's a difficult topic given how many women are not in that business out of their pure own will and fun. And that applies to P as well. We are digging in nasty tough. Not to say alcohol and drugs are OK, but there are plenty of victims all over the place.

I'm in the same situation - screwed myself no later that 4 days ago by looking at erotic movies on TV. And that screwed my balance either - I had a nasty chaser effect. But I tell you what will help you and it did help me INCREDIBLY: read your journal. Your own. From where you started your reboot. It's the best source of inspiration and it will awake you. Try!
 
Top