Returning to build my life

WestCoast

Member
Hi All - this is WestCoast. I was here a few months ago and left. I will casually keep some updates of my progress.

I am 1 day clean right now and I intend to keep it that way. I am working with a coach to help me get my life together ever so little by little over the next 90 days - and he is involved in some of the porn addiction recovery too.
 

WestCoast

Member
I've been clean now for 2 days. Whatever happened to me, has truly been a self-destructive habit. I have just seen 2 sexologists - neither of whom can help me. Both have said "I cannot change you back to who you were or what you want to be." They can't get rid of this fetish I was born with. Neither can this abstinence. Somethings very traumatic have happened to me, and as a result. I'm 34 years old, and really do not know how I will be living the rest of my life. That is the only thing I can do next.
 

WestCoast

Member
I wonder if me as a porn addict could ever hold a relationship. When I was younger I could. But I like privacy too much. I want to have a family and I dont. Im quite a mess I will tell you.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
@WestCoast - welcome back.

We all think we’re shrinks on here but we’re not. We have started recovering and are at different stages. You have to be responsible for your own recovery, that’s critical. Your therapist can guide you, and all the wonderful people on here can show you the light. BUT there is one thing that is common about all those who did see the light and changed: they looked after themselves. It’s discipline, self love, fight against the demon, recognising your brain changes, and it’s fucking hard work. The reward however are SO great that you will not believe what’s on the other side.

Fight hard, really hard, read as much as you can and all the many stories on here and then you will stand tall and be a better person.
 

WestCoast

Member
It's extremely hard work indeed. It's a compulsion. I pull away from porn because I hate the fetish and attractions I have and want to fix them because I am afraid to face who I am in the real world. I really seem to go to my computer/porn because I am afraid to live my own truth - a truth I don't even know.

So, I take one day at a time. I've been reading history a bit more - because I like that. It brings me some joy but I tend to get a little too into it I think because its the same dopamine spike or a similar one as porn.
 
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