my journey, 25, male, PMO since ~11, 100% ED, done with this shit forever, it did enough harm
- Thread starter swimmer97
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Blondie
Respected Member
swimmer97
Well-Known Member
Day 72
Date went well. Only thing i realised is that because of my lack of experience i am very shy when it comes to making the "first move". Usually i always did that when i was somewhat drunk. It takes courage when im 100% sober. I need to man up. Lets see how the 3rd one will turn out.
Date went well. Only thing i realised is that because of my lack of experience i am very shy when it comes to making the "first move". Usually i always did that when i was somewhat drunk. It takes courage when im 100% sober. I need to man up. Lets see how the 3rd one will turn out.
swimmer97
Well-Known Member
Day 74
soon i will most likely have sex again with the girl that im currently dating. its not set in stone yet but it seems very likely.
I am somewhat nervous/unsure. Should i get viagra to boost my self confidence? will i get it up? If no, do i tell her do i come up with an excuse? lets see what will come
soon i will most likely have sex again with the girl that im currently dating. its not set in stone yet but it seems very likely.
I am somewhat nervous/unsure. Should i get viagra to boost my self confidence? will i get it up? If no, do i tell her do i come up with an excuse? lets see what will come
Blondie
Respected Member
Hey @swimmer97.
Congrats on all of this. I know you've only had a few sexual experiences that you've mentioned in your first post, so I know personally how hard it is to NOT get in your head about all of this. My first sexual experience was similar to yours and like yourself, it made me seek out what was "wrong" with me on the internet. Unfortunately, it also made me self-conscious about all of this in a really unhealthy way.
I would suggest these things.
1. Remember, a sexual encounter is NOT just about a dick in the vagina, thrust, thrust, thrust! Although yes that's a part of it, there's much more to it than just that.
2. Rely on foreplay. Real sex isn't a goddamn porn video, and we all here at RN really need to get this into heads. I still forget this somethings and it drives me nuts when I remember again. Warm her up, as @Androg mentioned, lie naked together and just enjoy that.
3. Learn how to get her off with your fingers. If you don't know where that spot is, find it for yourself or ask her. I would tell you to research it online, but that could be triggering so maybe don't do that. After my bad first experience with sex, I researched the hell out of this subject and become very good with my hands, just in case my man failed in that department again. I've only had penetrative sex with two partners in my life, but I've used my hands with quite a few more partners (yes, I was scared to try again
) , and they always mentioned how great it was that I knew how to do that. Apparently, many guys don't care to learn, so, what a great time for you to learn this magic trick if you haven't alreadly. Trust me, if you've gotten her off five or seven times with your finger, she probably won't care if your dick won't get up. Which leads me to my next point.
4. Doing all of the above will get you out of your "head" and into the moment of enjoying a real beautiful naked woman before you, thus, you'll be focusing on her and NOT your dick. Then, after all of this, see what's going on downstairs. I personally wouldn't use Viagra. I think that will just complicate the situation as you go on with the reboot. Say if it works without taking Viagra, if you had taken it, you wouldn't know if it would have actually worked without it, thus, making you even more unsure where you stand in your progress. I just think for most of us, it's best just to keep it natural. But that's just my opinion, and some people disagree so do what you feel is best.
5. Furthermore, seeing that you just started dating a few a days ago, I wouldn't tell any partner this until some real trust has been established. If you're still together in one or two months AND your man is still having problems, then yes, it would be a good thing to talk about it. But right now, even if he doesn't perform, I wouldn't get into it and just reassure her that you get scared sometimes or whatever. Keep it fun and light!
Have fun!
Congrats on all of this. I know you've only had a few sexual experiences that you've mentioned in your first post, so I know personally how hard it is to NOT get in your head about all of this. My first sexual experience was similar to yours and like yourself, it made me seek out what was "wrong" with me on the internet. Unfortunately, it also made me self-conscious about all of this in a really unhealthy way.
I would suggest these things.
1. Remember, a sexual encounter is NOT just about a dick in the vagina, thrust, thrust, thrust! Although yes that's a part of it, there's much more to it than just that.
2. Rely on foreplay. Real sex isn't a goddamn porn video, and we all here at RN really need to get this into heads. I still forget this somethings and it drives me nuts when I remember again. Warm her up, as @Androg mentioned, lie naked together and just enjoy that.
3. Learn how to get her off with your fingers. If you don't know where that spot is, find it for yourself or ask her. I would tell you to research it online, but that could be triggering so maybe don't do that. After my bad first experience with sex, I researched the hell out of this subject and become very good with my hands, just in case my man failed in that department again. I've only had penetrative sex with two partners in my life, but I've used my hands with quite a few more partners (yes, I was scared to try again
) , and they always mentioned how great it was that I knew how to do that. Apparently, many guys don't care to learn, so, what a great time for you to learn this magic trick if you haven't alreadly. Trust me, if you've gotten her off five or seven times with your finger, she probably won't care if your dick won't get up. Which leads me to my next point.4. Doing all of the above will get you out of your "head" and into the moment of enjoying a real beautiful naked woman before you, thus, you'll be focusing on her and NOT your dick. Then, after all of this, see what's going on downstairs. I personally wouldn't use Viagra. I think that will just complicate the situation as you go on with the reboot. Say if it works without taking Viagra, if you had taken it, you wouldn't know if it would have actually worked without it, thus, making you even more unsure where you stand in your progress. I just think for most of us, it's best just to keep it natural. But that's just my opinion, and some people disagree so do what you feel is best.
5. Furthermore, seeing that you just started dating a few a days ago, I wouldn't tell any partner this until some real trust has been established. If you're still together in one or two months AND your man is still having problems, then yes, it would be a good thing to talk about it. But right now, even if he doesn't perform, I wouldn't get into it and just reassure her that you get scared sometimes or whatever. Keep it fun and light!
Have fun!
Last edited:
swimmer97
Well-Known Member
Day 75
First, thank you both Blondie and Androg for your responses and advices. I really deeply appreciate you both since you are closely part of my journey and are always contributing.
@Androg
Best would be to first only cuddle, then at a later point (maybe even days) cuddle naked and maybe have sex even some nights later when im feeling 100% comfortable and ready. The thing is that i dont want to disappoint her or come over as too shy/boring etc. But i guess if she things like that she is not the right one anyways. I should be more relaxed here.
@Blondie
Normally and maybe 50 years ago you could tell how "aroused" someone is by his erection. With us porn addicts its not that simple as we all now. But women dont know that, of couse they dont know. They cant know it and i really dont blame them for that.
One quote which really stick to me on this forum or somehwere else once said something like "i cant control anythiing that happens down there so why should i think or worry about it too much? i just let it happen what ever and enjoy the moment with it or without it" something like this but its true and goes in the direction of what you said above.
First, thank you both Blondie and Androg for your responses and advices. I really deeply appreciate you both since you are closely part of my journey and are always contributing.
@Androg
You are right. I also would really prefer to start things slowly like you describe here.
Best would be to first only cuddle, then at a later point (maybe even days) cuddle naked and maybe have sex even some nights later when im feeling 100% comfortable and ready. The thing is that i dont want to disappoint her or come over as too shy/boring etc. But i guess if she things like that she is not the right one anyways. I should be more relaxed here.
This is true, thank you for the advice. All in all i dont want to force anything. I want to make this thing enjoyable for both. Anything that is worry related or pressure related makes things only worse. I already learned this the hard way..
@Blondie
Absolutely correct and thank you for mentioning this as it is not that obvious for someone like me which sexual experiences and education have been porn to a 98,9%.
As already mentioned above on Androg. I would really love and even prefer that. Just enjoying the women and the love. I just hope that she wont feel like i am "faking" things when my little man is not participating or herself worrieng that she is not attractive enough etc
Normally and maybe 50 years ago you could tell how "aroused" someone is by his erection. With us porn addicts its not that simple as we all now. But women dont know that, of couse they dont know. They cant know it and i really dont blame them for that.
haha i actually did not think about this. But smart that you master the Art of using your Fingers. This is interesting and together with my tounge these are definitely working. I will keep this in mind and do some research here but not overforce things
You know what, i agree and natural feels indeed "righter". Before finding out about all this PIED topic and this great forum, i used viagra because i had 0 knowledge and idea. The one time i had sex with viagra i felt absolutely nothing, no arousal. It was like i had sex but i was completely unaroused. Really weird und unenjoyable experience also for the poor girl.
One quote which really stick to me on this forum or somehwere else once said something like "i cant control anythiing that happens down there so why should i think or worry about it too much? i just let it happen what ever and enjoy the moment with it or without it" something like this but its true and goes in the direction of what you said above.
Also agree here, and its so good to get your confirmation on this as well. I indeed dont know her that good that i can 100% "trust" her and also dont know if i am maybe overwhelming her with this which i really dont want. But first lets see what actually happens. I have no expecatition on anything. I just want to enjoy the moment. It should be something amazing that needs no thoughts. Lets keep it light as you said.
If you get to worrying during the encounter just tell her you find her very attractive, but you have learned the hard way that rushing things doesn't get the best results. And then go back to loving touch.
If she tries to force an erection and you don't want to push things, just take her hand and kiss it.
When in doubt...simply smile at her with eye contact and say nothing. It's okay to be mysterious and in control.
If she tries to force an erection and you don't want to push things, just take her hand and kiss it.
When in doubt...simply smile at her with eye contact and say nothing. It's okay to be mysterious and in control.
Blondie
Respected Member
Hey @swimmer97, I'm glad you liked the suggestions. Just to clarify, I didn't mean to pressure her or anything like that with how many times to get her off. I only mentioned 5 times (or any number) just to remind you that your fingers can do phenomenal work down there, just as good as a working dick, and that's all. Obviously, having fun doesn't need a "certain number", and if you told her you had a number in mind, yes that would get her in her head, and that would not be good. I know you know that, I just wanted to make sure.
Have fun!
Have fun!
swimmer97
Well-Known Member
Haha thanks for the little clarification here homie. Dont worry, i know what you meant. It gives big time motivation and your right and THANK GOD that you are right that sex is not only about dick in pussy. Keep killing
swimmer97
Well-Known Member
Day 79
very very good article that i want to share:
iai.tv
to quote a good phrase out of the article:
"Twenty years ago the first thing I would have done for a patient presenting with anxiety or depression was prescribe an antidepressant or recommend psychotherapy. Today I’m more likely to suggest a dopamine fast: Abstaining from our drug of choice for four weeks. Why four weeks? Because that’s the average amount of time it takes for those neuroadaptation gremlins to hop off the pain side of the balance and for homeostasis to be restored. About 80% of my patients feel better with this intervention alone, consistent with the idea that consumption of high reward substances and behaviors feels good in the short term but contributes to depression and anxiety in the long term."
very very good article that i want to share:
Too much pleasure causes pain
Happiness has been declining precipitously in the West for 30 years, despite better access to healthcare and education and decreases in poverty and violence. Groundbreaking Stanford psychiatrist and author of Dopamine Nation, Anna Lembke, provides a fresh perspective on why anxiety, chronic pain...
to quote a good phrase out of the article:
"Twenty years ago the first thing I would have done for a patient presenting with anxiety or depression was prescribe an antidepressant or recommend psychotherapy. Today I’m more likely to suggest a dopamine fast: Abstaining from our drug of choice for four weeks. Why four weeks? Because that’s the average amount of time it takes for those neuroadaptation gremlins to hop off the pain side of the balance and for homeostasis to be restored. About 80% of my patients feel better with this intervention alone, consistent with the idea that consumption of high reward substances and behaviors feels good in the short term but contributes to depression and anxiety in the long term."
Blondie
Respected Member
swimmer97
Well-Known Member
Day 81
I feel more recovered this time than on my last streak that was around 130+ days.
This time i dont have the urges for my p induced fetishes like back in the days.
Deeply rejecting the p induced fetishes and training myself to get an instant regret/stress sort of feeling when this shit just slightly comes up made my brain to somewhat forget it and my recovery so much more "easy".
Our Minds are truly powerful. Its really not easy but everything is possible if we truly want.
the journey has just begun.
I feel more recovered this time than on my last streak that was around 130+ days.
This time i dont have the urges for my p induced fetishes like back in the days.
Deeply rejecting the p induced fetishes and training myself to get an instant regret/stress sort of feeling when this shit just slightly comes up made my brain to somewhat forget it and my recovery so much more "easy".
Our Minds are truly powerful. Its really not easy but everything is possible if we truly want.
the journey has just begun.