my journey, 25, male, PMO since ~11, 100% ED, done with this shit forever, it did enough harm

[swimmer97]

Hey @swimmer97, so sorry to hear about this brother.

I get this. I know it can feel like you've returned to your old ways and self again and that there's been no "progress" but it's simply NOT the facts. You had a hell of a streak, only proving that you really have gotten over this, but there might be a few bumps in the road here and there.

This is absolutely true. You're the same guy as you were before, but now a little smarter about this. Was there something in particular that made you go back? Or had it been building up and you just weren't acknowledging it? I know when I've relapsed in the past, there was always something I was not addressing, something I was unhappy about in my life, or, not admitting to myself. Search inside and see what that was for you.

I know you feel like crap, but it takes balls to come back on here and tell the truth, and I completely respect you for doing that. I haven't lost any faith in you. You CAN do this. You HAVE done this. Take it from me, throwing yourself into ditches of despair might be a legitimate feeling but it won't help you in the long run.

Fuck yes!

You got this man. Learn from what happened, and let's keep going when you're ready to jump back on the train.

Love
Blondie

sorry for my late response.

thank you for your words brother, i have read them and they helped me a lot.

i broke up with my gf some weeks before. actually not because of anything sexual but because i didint love her anymore and couldnt imagine living the rest of my life with her.

Being lonely again and drinking cofferin lead to me wake up one night. being fully pumped by dopamine and in complete zombie mode. at least it was very short and "only" some pictures on reddit. Still it was a fat relapse for me.

I thank god did not binge or anything. In fact i am in a flatline since this one relapse in early april.

My journey is still the same, for me its all about my sexual health.

 

[Blondie]

sorry for my late response.

Hey @swimmer97, no apologies.

i broke up with my gf some weeks before. actually not because of anything sexual but because i didint love her anymore and couldnt imagine living the rest of my life with her.

I get this. Breaking up is a hard thing to do and it can put you in a real bad place emotionally (I've been there) so I hope you're not too hard on yourself for slipping up. If that's how you felt too, then it was the honorable thing to do. Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do, so nice job.

Being lonely again and drinking cofferin lead to me wake up one night. being fully pumped by dopamine and in complete zombie mode. at least it was very short and "only" some pictures on reddit. Still it was a fat relapse for me.

Yes, I get this. Do you not drink coffee these days or had you had too much? I'm pretty sensitive to coffee as well and only drink a small cup every morning (or two shots of espresso) but anything more than that and it has to be decaf.

I thank god did not binge or anything. In fact i am in a flatline since this one relapse in early april.

This is really good, nice job.

My journey is still the same, for me its all about my sexual health.

This is great. Let's keep moving on @swimmer97.

Best man
Blondie

 

[swimmer97]

Day 30 (probably more days by now but this is a good number to start again)

I get this. Breaking up is a hard thing to do and it can put you in a real bad place emotionally (I've been there) so I hope you're not too hard on yourself for slipping up. If that's how you felt too, then it was the honorable thing to do. Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do, so nice job.

thank you. it was for sure the right decision. feeling lonely sometimes sucks but thats part of the deal. overall i know that i decided right.

Yes, I get this. Do you not drink coffee these days or had you had too much? I'm pretty sensitive to coffee as well and only drink a small cup every morning (or two shots of espresso) but anything more than that and it has to be decaf.

normally i dont drink at all because it for some reason leads to urges for me. I was actually not drinking coffee that day i was drinking some form of black tea drink that has also little coffein in it. it was unfortunately enough to make a big urge. one learning is to stop caffein at all. maybe 1 in the morning can be fine. i will see.


i deleted some sentences here that i see now more as whining than a mindset that brings me forward.


lets keep going

 

[Blondie]

normally i dont drink at all because it for some reason leads to urges for me. I was actually not drinking coffee that day i was drinking some form of black tea drink that has also little coffein in it. it was unfortunately enough to make a big urge. one learning is to stop caffein at all. maybe 1 in the morning can be fine. i will see.

Nice job being mindful of what does it for you @swimmer97. Yes, nothing wrong with a little experimentation and seeing what is best for you.

i deleted some sentences here that i see now more as whining than a mindset that brings me forward.

I don't think I saw what you wrote, but hey, there's nothing wrong with just getting "it" out of your system. I know I've had plenty of moments doing that on my thread.

it was for sure the right decision. feeling lonely sometimes sucks but thats part of the deal. overall i know that i decided right.

Yes it does, but I've been in relationships before where I felt "lonely" too because it was the wrong one, so I would rather feel lonely out of one than inside of one.

You got this.

Best brother!

 

[Blondie]

How we doing @swimmer97?

 

[swimmer97]

Day 49

How we doing @swimmer97?

Hi Brother,

thank you for asking!

I am doing good. There is a lot of stuff going on right now in real life. I switched job and place. Tomorrow is my first day at the new job. I am very nervous because i fucked up the first impression already i think. I failed to organize the first day of work with my new boss... really sucks but i have to make the best now out of it.

I don't think I saw what you wrote, but hey, there's nothing wrong with just getting "it" out of your system. I know I've had plenty of moments doing that on my thread.

Agree with you brother. What i wrote back then was that i was meeting a great women. It was love at the first sight for me. But i sadly received the info later from her that she can only imagine being friends with me. That hurt but i ofc respect her. I question in these moments what i am doing wrong. I know of this nice guy phenomenon but i wouldnt say that i am this type. I dont lie to people or women to receive something out of them. I think i am a nice person but i am still honest or at least i think so. There could be too many variables why it didint click for her. Maybe she just wanted to be nice with the offer to maybe be friends. I am thankful for her for at least giving me this message and not ghosting me (it met her through online dating). I thanked her and wished her all the best for the future. I could not be friends with a girl that i slightly fall in love with already at the first date. This is now already more than 2 weeks in the past and i already moved on mentally. It is only in these moments were it hurts badly.

Different topic:

When it comes to my no P journey i have to admit that i was masturbating here and there the last 2 weeks. But i was only masturbating to natural thoughts of natural sex. This is for me actually something good as 2 years ago when i started i wasnt even able to get an erection without seeing my weird fetish porn webistes. Still i ofc prefer to rewire with a lovely girl in real life but i need to find one first.

Lets keep going

 

[Blondie]

Hi Brother,

thank you for asking!

I am doing good. There is a lot of stuff going on right now in real life. I switched job and place. Tomorrow is my first day at the new job. I am very nervous because i fucked up the first impression already i think. I failed to organize the first day of work with my new boss... really sucks but i have to make the best now out of it.

Sorry @swimmer97 for the late reply!

I hope that first day went okay for you. I know sometimes it can feel like we've completely fucked things up before we've even begun, but often than not, that's more in our heads than anything else.

Agree with you brother. What i wrote back then was that i was meeting a great women. It was love at the first sight for me. But i sadly received the info later from her that she can only imagine being friends with me. That hurt but i ofc respect her. I question in these moments what i am doing wrong. I know of this nice guy phenomenon but i wouldnt say that i am this type. I dont lie to people or women to receive something out of them. I think i am a nice person but i am still honest or at least i think so. There could be too many variables why it didint click for her. Maybe she just wanted to be nice with the offer to maybe be friends. I am thankful for her for at least giving me this message and not ghosting me (it met her through online dating). I thanked her and wished her all the best for the future. I could not be friends with a girl that i slightly fall in love with already at the first date. This is now already more than 2 weeks in the past and i already moved on mentally. It is only in these moments were it hurts badly.

Hey man, if it makes you feel any better, every man has been in the same shoes as you are here. There's a whole lot of variables that can happen about why a guy might be only a friend to girl (the dreaded friendzone) and nothing else. When it's all said and done, if she's not attracted she's not attracted and there's nothing that can be done about that. And hell, that same phenomenon happens to us guys all the time. There's plenty of "nice" girls out there in the world that just don't do anything for us, so it is what it is. I wouldn't get too caught up in the "am I being too nice or not?" dichotomy. As long as you're not being too clingy or losing yourself and purpose when engaging with a woman, I wouldn't worry about it. I think you're right that it's good to be honest and not lie to women, I hate that shit. And that's cool that she didn't ghost you. And you're definitely not being a "nice guy" if you told her you couldn't be just friends. I'm glad to know you moved on mentally too.

When it comes to my no P journey i have to admit that i was masturbating here and there the last 2 weeks. But i was only masturbating to natural thoughts of natural sex. This is for me actually something good as 2 years ago when i started i wasnt even able to get an erection without seeing my weird fetish porn webistes.

Nice!

Still i ofc prefer to rewire with a lovely girl in real life but i need to find one first.

Get out there

Keep killing it brother.

 

[swimmer97]

When it's all said and done, if she's not attracted she's not attracted and there's nothing that can be done about that. And hell, that same phenomenon happens to us guys all the time. There's plenty of "nice" girls out there in the world that just don't do anything for us, so it is what it is

This is so true Brother. Thank you for this.

I hope that first day went okay for you. I know sometimes it can feel like we've completely fucked things up before we've even begun, but often than not, that's more in our heads than anything else.

Also These words aged Like fine wine. It was truly only in my head. First day went absolutely fine. My new Boss was actually the one apologising because he thought i start a month later and got caught by surprise. He got the wrong Info from HR. Which was actually lucky for me. Still even If Not i think He wouldnt have been to pissed because in the end its about doing a good Job and creating win win.

 

[swimmer97]

Day 10

Had one furthe relpase 10 days ago that i am not proud of.

Life currently isnt easy for me. This for sure shouldnt be an exccuse for a relapse but i eventually failed.

My principles didingt change tho, i will keep going. Sometimes we fall but the journey continues.

 

[Blondie]

Hey @swimmer97. It's okay, it happens, Just get back up and keep on moving. As you said, you know who you are and what you CAN do. This little slip doesn't define you. Sorry to hear life is tough at the moment.

Keep going brother!