my journey, 25, male, PMO since ~11, 100% ED, done with this shit forever, it did enough harm

swimmer97

swimmer97

Well-Known Member
Day 21 no pmo

Today is unfortubately a dark day for me.

Not Because i relapsed but maybe worse because i am laying again Alone in my bed thinking how i maybe Messed up my life With watching the wrong stuff at the wrong Time when i was too Damm Young.

Today i invited an online Date for Cooking After for Met her once for a Walk. The evening was all good, it didnt Click with her a 100% but she was Damm Pretty. I was able to Kiss her and then have soft Sex with clothes on but i was Not able to make the next move as i Didnt feel sexuely aroused. I then started to Go back into cuddle and Kiss Mode wich she obviously didint really was a 100% Fan off. At least thats what i felt. After some Talking she „Had to Go“. I ofc knew she was very disappointed.

I sometimes question if i feel ever truly aroused by the real deal. Or if i fucked up 2 Hard. The only Situation in which i was somewhat aroused was with a Girl i was deeply in love with. This is literally my last but of Hope that i Stick too when it comes too maybe have a fulfilling love life. I know this Sounds depressive af but that just how i feel right know at this Moment. Back in the days i would have pmod because of copium but i am truly done with that. No urge as well trank god. Think im also in a flatline.

Trank you for Reading everyone. Stay clean
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey @swimmer97, I'm sorry to hear about all of this. You shouldn't feel bad about being honest or not upbeat, it's your journal so do what you need to do. I sure as hell have been sour as of recently, that's life! I am sorry about this experience though, I've definitely been there and have thought the same thoughts before. It's really hard to get out of that mindset when you're in that situation and all you wanted was for it to work. I do know that it gets better with time, and all you have to do is believe and stay clean. Yeah I know, you know that, but it's good to hear all the same.

I know you got this brother
Love,
Blondie
 
swimmer97

swimmer97

Well-Known Member
Blondie said:
Hey @swimmer97, I'm sorry to hear about all of this. You shouldn't feel bad about being honest or not upbeat, it's your journal so do what you need to do. I sure as hell have been sour as of recently, that's life! I am sorry about this experience though, I've definitely been there and have thought the same thoughts before. It's really hard to get out of that mindset when you're in that situation and all you wanted was for it to work. I do know that it gets better with time, and all you have to do is believe and stay clean. Yeah I know, you know that, but it's good to hear all the same.

I know you got this brother
Love,
Blondie
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Thank you Brother. Yea i know, we both know, but still it helps to hear the words again once in a while from a Brother that is fighting the Same Fight. We defeat this beast Together or we Go down fighting it.
 
swimmer97

swimmer97

Well-Known Member
Blondie said:
How we doing @swimmer97?

I hope you're well!
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Hi Brother, thank you for asking.

I am currently in a phase were i am sober for 1-2 month and then relapse once and the same again.

Need to get my shit together and stop it once and for all.

I will start counting days again. It helped me back in the days were i was sober for nearly a year.

Hope your doing fine as well.

Have a nice day!
 
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