my journey, 25, male, PMO since ~11, 100% ED, done with this shit forever, it did enough harm

swimmer97

Active Member
Day 114

business as usual.

i feel like im at good point of "rewiring". Im just feeling it somehow.

i still have no MW tho. maybe i should wait until i got these before i go into rewiring phase...

Nevertheless, when there is a chance with a female. I will now take action.
 

swimmer97

Active Member
Day 115

It is saturday morning, last night was party which meant that i drunk alcohol.

Now im hangover. Again i am feeling big cravings. I realize again how being hangover is the worst/most risky condition for me. I need to consider quitting alcohol for this journey.
 

swimmer97

Active Member
I've been 4+ years sober and never looked back, its one of the best decision that I made. If you're considering it then I think it must be done eventually. Get in touch with your conscience, follow it and eliminate shame and regret. Listening to that little voice inside your head who guides you is the way to a proud, better life. But don't be too hard on yourself when you fail, forgive yourself quickly and get back to it. Hope this helps.
Thank you bro. It does help. Gives me even more motivation
 

swimmer97

Active Member
Day 117

Chatting with a cute girl right now and man, the real deal feels so much better than this cheap + fake shit we call Porn

This light but strong feeling of proudness that i feel everyday of further abstinence outweights the instant gratification that porn gives.

I believe realizing this is the true key to succeed here
 

swimmer97

Active Member
Day 119

- had MW, felt great
- during the day -> flatline
- business as usual


From now on i also want to track my body weight + body fat %. While improving my life with no longer PMOing. I also want to improve my life further:

BW: 79,30kg Goal: 73kg
BF%: 16,1% Goal: 12%
 

swimmer97

Active Member
Day 120

- had my 3rd wet dream -> seems like around middle of each month i get 1 of these -> unfortunately i was dreaming about what goes in the direction of my fetish

nothing i can do about this. i will keep fighting

BW: 79,30kg Goal: 73kg
BF%: 16,1% Goal: 12%
 

swimmer97

Active Member
Day 123

- business as usual
- somewhat flatline
- my fetish fantasies are slowly fading -> i think very rarely of them and if i do im not gettin aroused by it anymore or very less
- chatting with girls on datin apps is way more fun than porn ever was


BW: 79,10kg Goal: 73kg
BF%: 16,0% Goal: 12%
 

tydurden

Member
Hey Swimmer! Thank you for posting, I find a lot of inspiration fron reading about your journey. Keep it up, you've got this! I got to around 70 days without PMO last time I tried, thought I was out in the clear and then just (one hungover Sunday) relapsed like crazy. I celebrated too early. Keep reminding yourself why you are doing this and focus on the awesome changes you are experiencing. I also think a big factor to succeeding is staying busy and make sure you have enough content in your life. It can be anything, but exercise is certainly a classic one and I wish you all the best in adding that habbit to your (increasingly) amazing life😎 Awesome job so far!
 

swimmer97

Active Member
Hey Swimmer! Thank you for posting, I find a lot of inspiration fron reading about your journey. Keep it up, you've got this! I got to around 70 days without PMO last time I tried, thought I was out in the clear and then just (one hungover Sunday) relapsed like crazy. I celebrated too early. Keep reminding yourself why you are doing this and focus on the awesome changes you are experiencing. I also think a big factor to succeeding is staying busy and make sure you have enough content in your life. It can be anything, but exercise is certainly a classic one and I wish you all the best in adding that habbit to your (increasingly) amazing life😎 Awesome job so far!
Thank you for this post tydurden. Feelsgood that my journay is inspiring you! 70days is also a great milestone! I can understand that you relapsed while being hungover. Trust me, being hungover is also the most dangerous condition for me, i was barely relapsing as well many times in that condition. You will learn from it for the next run. Lets get it done together!
 
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swimmer97

Active Member
Day 126

Its jsut passed midnight so it's day 126 but ill ofc make summary of day 125:

-flatline
- came back from the gym and was surprised i acutually gained weight lol
-ill keep goin

BW: 80,55kg Goal: 73kg
BF%: 16,7% Goal: 12%
 

swimmer97

Active Member
Actual Day 126

- complete and total flatline
- weighted myself today again, this time before eating my big meal, values turned out completely different -> this motivates me hard to continue


BW: 77,95kg Goal: 73kg
BF%: 15,5% Goal: 12%
 

swimmer97

Active Member
Day 129

- had a wet dream last night again. it was weird because i was dreaming about my fetish but i wasnt aroused by it like i normally was, i unconsciously had the feeling that this is wrong, and i was also not participating i was more like watching it sceptically, i think this is a good sign. i think im going in the right direction
-flatline during the day



BW: 79,05kg Goal: 73kg
BF%: 16,0% Goal: 12%
 
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swimmer97

Active Member
Day 133

-no MW
- was at a lan party yesterday
- we drunk alcohol - later when trying to sleep i got a few urges. i realize again that i need to minimze alcohol as hard as possible
- i think being drunk/hungover is the only state in which i can relapse at this point
- sometimes when swiping through tinder there are profiles which remind me of my fetishes - this is somewhat dangerous. -> I think about quitting dating apps but on the other hand i want to date/find a partner to "rewire" and dating apps are one way to find these

@alrevenant thank you for the kind words!

BW: 78,35kg Goal: 73kg
BF%: 15,6% Goal: 12%
 

DRSAM

New Member
Man, you’re the real deal!
I’m in pretty much the same boat, only ever watched fetish stuff, I used Cialis, only ever worked once during penetration for me.

I was on a 120ish day streak, but it didn’t help my penetration game much.

I love feet and handjobs, so I relapsed by firstly getting a handjob from a girl I had met recently then also from prostitutes until I eventually started masturbating again.

I recently restarted my journey again, and I want to go further the. Before, quit it for good, I wonder how long it will take to reverse the damage and just be usual.
 

swimmer97

Active Member
Day 0

It sadly happened. I relapsed.

The disappointment is real but i need to move on. My streak may be over and i have to start a new one but the journey is still on day 138.

Im climbing a mountain and i just fell some meters down but I am not at ground zero as long as i stand up and start climbing up again.

It is important to not fall back and go into a "binge" relapse.

I hope this short relapse did not eraze all improvements that i made in my brain over the last months. I dont want to believe that.

Fighting this addiction is not a straight ladder to sucess. Thats for sure.
 
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Blondie

Respected Member
Sorry to hear this @swimmer97, but you're right, this is only the end of your streak, but not your progress.

That was a hell of a streak brother, so don't beat yourself up about one bad day, but congratulate yourself on the accomplishment of 138 days porn free!

You only fell back a few meters, dust yourself off and keep on moving.
 

swimmer97

Active Member
Sorry to hear this @swimmer97, but you're right, this is only the end of your streak, but not your progress.

That was a hell of a streak brother, so don't beat yourself up about one bad day, but congratulate yourself on the accomplishment of 138 days porn free!

You only fell back a few meters, dust yourself off and keep on moving.
Thank you Blondie for these words. They help a lot.

Lets carry on!
 

swimmer97

Active Member
Day 3

I feel as motivated as i have maybe never been before.

The recent relapse showed me that my fetishes are porn induced and that this is something that i trained my brain into. I felt horrible afterwards and this is not how its supposed to be.

I went through some strong "chaser effect" urges but i was able to resist. Now its getting better again.

I uninstalled all kind of social media junk like instagram, linked in, facebook from my phone. I noticed that im checking them for no reason 25 times a day to see if something new happens. Its useless and waste of time and dopamine like porn is. I will only spend 1 set time each day to check social media from now on.

Also i wanna detox dopamin by playing less video games. My brain is so damaged by porn that a hard detox could be helpful. I try out what is possible. I will not go super hard mode to prevent "jojo effect"
 
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