Day 40
Warning: Rant
Its either me or my fetish.
I decided again and this time to fking 1000% that i dont want to live with this fetish at any point in my life. It harmed me already hard enough.
I 100% realized its porn induced and has nothing to do with my original sexual nature.
What makes this thing so nasty. Its so different from "original" vanilla sex that i currently have no arousal or attraction to normal sex. In fact never learned it. I was educating myself the wrong thing from an early teen year on.
I read lots of people that have the same fetish that they are very pessimistic when it comes to getting their vanilla taste back.
I simply dont want to believe that there is no hope for me. I wont believe it.
Either i will have succesfull sex in my lifetime with my natural mojo coming back or i will not have sex in my life. But i will never live out this devil of a curse that porn brought me.
Sometimes i am mad, not about that porn exists. And not fully on me because i was fking 11 year old but im mad at the misinformation about porn that was present and is still today.
I was not completely unworried over the years. But whenever i tried to find something out i read articles like "porn is normal everyone does it" or "Porn is great to find out your true natural tastes". In my mother language there was and is still nearly no good articles on this. These mofos where convincing my addicted brain back in the days that porn is not harmful. I was a teenager.
I wish i would have found out about YBOP and this great Forum earlier than 2022. I wish there would be more clarification about this topic. Especially young people need to be educated.
If i will have kids, i will not permit them porn. This wouldnt work anyways. I would just simply educate them what can happen and the consequenes. Same on other drugs like cigarettes etc. I think that is the best way. Wish someone would have educated me back in the days. If someone told me i could not get it up and had no arousal i would have been shoked and never touched that pest.
I dont want to blame others to 100% here. I know this is also my fault. But expecting a teenager to 100% not listen to his primal brain with wrong education spreading out there is also not correct.
Sorry for this rant. Had to led it out one time. Now i will move forward again, optimisticly and without porn and fantasy.
Its
not an option to quote my man
@Blondie here.