patoosh
New Member
Day 1 of 90
I know the first step is accepting myself , accepting I have been in this for as long as I remember and that's the essential and first step in dealing with this addiction .
I'll take this as the kind of group therapy I see on TV. I'm Patoosh and this is my story and journal.
I was abused at 3-5 by trusted family and after my parents found out and separated us, I was already addicted in plain language. I had to find a way to satisfy this feeling as I became aware of my lady parts really early in life so I introduced it to my neighbours kids and they touched me like my cousins did. When I was away from home and even at school, I found kids like me who knew what it was to satisfy me. I had a girl when I was in primary school, two girls in junior high school.
I would touch myself at home or in public toilet, I had no Idea what was wrong with me as I wasn't even 10 yet but I had a lot of sexual energy I just had to let out.
My parents changed my school for my senior years when I turned 13 and I was bullied at my school, I developed mental health issues like depression, severe anxiety disorder, ADHD and became suicidal. My health declined and I had a lot on my plate to think about PMO.
In my last senior year, I changed school again per Doctor's recommendation and this time I was destroyed already. I had no sense of self worth, esteem, value or even confidence. I felt lower than anyone or anything possible and to top it, I had asthma out of nowhere.
My parents are strict religious people and I'm anything but myself, I have been playing character all my life and I don't know how to be me or even know me.
I turned 20 on the 10th and discovered this forum today.
This is my day one of accepting myself and digging myself out of this rabbit hole I've been in all my life. I'll write daily, telling my story and updating my reboot journey.
I know the first step is accepting myself , accepting I have been in this for as long as I remember and that's the essential and first step in dealing with this addiction .
I'll take this as the kind of group therapy I see on TV. I'm Patoosh and this is my story and journal.
I was abused at 3-5 by trusted family and after my parents found out and separated us, I was already addicted in plain language. I had to find a way to satisfy this feeling as I became aware of my lady parts really early in life so I introduced it to my neighbours kids and they touched me like my cousins did. When I was away from home and even at school, I found kids like me who knew what it was to satisfy me. I had a girl when I was in primary school, two girls in junior high school.
I would touch myself at home or in public toilet, I had no Idea what was wrong with me as I wasn't even 10 yet but I had a lot of sexual energy I just had to let out.
My parents changed my school for my senior years when I turned 13 and I was bullied at my school, I developed mental health issues like depression, severe anxiety disorder, ADHD and became suicidal. My health declined and I had a lot on my plate to think about PMO.
In my last senior year, I changed school again per Doctor's recommendation and this time I was destroyed already. I had no sense of self worth, esteem, value or even confidence. I felt lower than anyone or anything possible and to top it, I had asthma out of nowhere.
My parents are strict religious people and I'm anything but myself, I have been playing character all my life and I don't know how to be me or even know me.
I turned 20 on the 10th and discovered this forum today.
This is my day one of accepting myself and digging myself out of this rabbit hole I've been in all my life. I'll write daily, telling my story and updating my reboot journey.