I’m a new girlfriend— he has DE— what to do?

[Tidegirl]

I have been dating my boyfriend for about 3 months. I like him a lot but I would not say we are in love… yet. He has never been able to have an orgasm with me. He says he has twice without ejaculating but I don’t know if he was saying this to make me feel better. We have a lot of sex and he is very focused on my orgasm. But the sex isn’t really relaxed. He talks dirty the entire time and I think it’s to mentally stimulate himself. I say him
Masturbating himself once and it was really really fast and rough— but even then he did not come. He says he has no trouble orgasming on his own. And he mentioned that when he is not dating anyone, he will masturbating 2-3 times A DAY. He doesn’t say if he watches porn but probably.

I don’t know if I can tell him this is a problem he has to fix it if I should just move on. Any advice welcome. Oh and he is 55 and I am 50.

 

[Sammyjo]

Hi Tide,

IMHO, what have you got to lose by introducing him to the idea of porn addiction and the effects it has? yourbrainonporn.com has A TON of great information including videos that explain how porn changes brain chemistry causing addiction.

As a SO, I found my husband related to the video and was a big eye opener, here's a link https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/videos/your-brain-on-porn-how-internet-porn-affects-the-brain-2015/

See if he is willing to talk about it. If not, personally, I would move on. From doing a lot of reading here, beating this (no pun intended) can be very challenging and requires the individual to be truly committed to the process. If he is not even willing to discuss it what would a future with him look like?

Good luck!

 

[swimmer97]

I have been dating my boyfriend for about 3 months. I like him a lot but I would not say we are in love… yet. He has never been able to have an orgasm with me. He says he has twice without ejaculating but I don’t know if he was saying this to make me feel better. We have a lot of sex and he is very focused on my orgasm. But the sex isn’t really relaxed. He talks dirty the entire time and I think it’s to mentally stimulate himself. I say him
Masturbating himself once and it was really really fast and rough— but even then he did not come. He says he has no trouble orgasming on his own. And he mentioned that when he is not dating anyone, he will masturbating 2-3 times A DAY. He doesn’t say if he watches porn but probably.

I don’t know if I can tell him this is a problem he has to fix it if I should just move on. Any advice welcome. Oh and he is 55 and I am 50.

i agree with sammyjio, try to convince him to quit and recover. You can offer him to support him during that journey which is huge. i wish i would have someone that helps me with "rewiring".

If he does not want to better himself and is ignorant about all this, you have to decide yourself if you can live with that.

Best regards

 

[Blondie]

Hey lady.

Reading your post I have two thoughts for you.

1. It would be nice to know for sure if he is ACTUALLY looking at porn before you make a decision.
2. However, I would just break it off anyways. I don't see any point in staying in a relationship with someone when you're not even in love yet, much less with any real commitment or marriage. Unless he's some outstanding dude in all other departments and you can put up with his potential struggles, I would call it a day and move on to greener pastures.

Life is too short to be dealing with this shit when you're not even serious yet.

Best

 

[Beautiful1973]

@Tidegirl my story started out almost identical to yours, except for the dirty talk, but my man would do this weird thing with his hand when I touched him as if he was doing 'stuff' to an imaginary person, don't want to be too explicit and trigger anyone, but it was a similar thing too you in that in hindsight I felt like he was mentally masturbating someone......it did stop as our emotional connection grew, but it freaked me out in the beginning.
He is also 55 and I am 48, I have just walked away from the relationship after 2 1/2 years as I couldn't take anymore, he can only PMO, he can not MO without porn, he has told me of one occasion in 2 1/2 years that he did it in the shower thinking about me.......one bloody time!!!
I can count on one hand the number of times he has orgasmed with me in the last 9 months, and we have A LOT of sex. He has also told me that he orgasmed without ejaculating, which I know can be a thing, but my gut said he was faking it! Can also related to the rough masturbating, my man often turned up with a lacerated D*#@ from rough play, and then was too sore to have sex with me......I was like dude, ease off on the vice grip, I had no idea about the addiction to PMO at that stage.
I've shared my story in another thread which I'll tag you in. I can't tell you what you should do, and I don't want to frighten you, but it might give you some insight to the possible road ahead.
If I was you I would sit down and have a very open conversation about porn consumption, if he can only PMO and how it's showing up in his life and your relationship! Have you ever spoken in general about porn with him?