My first and hopefully last journal

Thanks, I think trying not to blame myself is very hard but becoming easier by the day! This is day 3 and I feel physically less stress and anxious. I spoke to my best friend about my problems yesterday evening and my partner did the same, we both felt positive after and you have to have perspective also - I've not done anything truly evil, just had a very unhealthy relationship with adult material which, when it comes to IP I don't feel is really possible 1-1 for someone with an addictive personality.

I've not had time to look at many more resources today but have focussed on some normality. We went for a walk with some of my family and this evening a meal with some of my partner's friends.

Not an excuse, but as my friend pointed out, and I keep getting told here, being hard on myself doesn't help and I need to focus on the positive change this will be.

Again, really floored by the support on here x
 
Day 4, doing ok, anxiety is still bad but better each day. Depression is also kicking but I'm doing my best to stay active. Not really thinking about porn to be honest, I'm feeling paranoid about having sex with my partner, mostly because my head is a mess... I've also been having a case of cremaster muscle tightness which is causing discomfort, I've had a bad stomach from stress all week so it makes sense, just frustrating but again, trying to be patient.

Doing normal things seems to be helping. I'm very up and down though, going from thankful and calm to depressed and anxious rapidly during the day.

BUT things are positive, with each day getting better I hope to be feeling more myself by the end of next week. Have to remind myself that it wasn't a big part of daily life before (at least activity wise) so I need to clear my head a bit still x
 
Day 5, feeling MUCH better today, the anixety is much better. I think having work as a distraction helped, made sure I exercised for the first time in a week and that also felt better.

Still not feeling urges to watch porn but very horny. I may ask my partner how she feels later but, and I know this is weird considering how much is shared here, that our sex life is private so I won't go into detail unless I really struggle and need advice.

Have to remind myself that my porn use was more habitual than an everyday thing so I'm trying not to overthink the last week and get on peacefully but remain mindful x
 
Day six and once again feeling better. My partner went out today at lunch which would usually be prime time for IP, I felt a bit tense but no real temptation, sat in the garden for a bit and played with the cats (we have 2).

Still a bit anxious but again, trying to be kind and press on. Very tired but patience needed there also.

On the flip side to that, feeling positive about the future and meeting my friends later for video games which we do regularly. Be out the house so a break from my head. Hopefully it's a relaxed evening for my partner given how things were last week Tues Eve when it all came out! Need to be mindful of that x
 
Day 7, so a whole week and feeling pretty solid. I've got a few contacts to get back to, councillor and a hotline I spoke to. Positive but a bit anxious about conversations as I don't want to bring the anxiety back to the surface.

I may update later, if not it's not due to weakness just a busy day x
 
Shit, day 8 as I missed a journal! Be be sure it's for the right reasons though, I had a day off with my partner and we went to another town, we had lots of fun and ended in romance. It was a long time getting home, wrong train etc etc...

Feeling strong still, anixety seems to be better but still there. I need to make sure I follow up with the services I've contacted, that's on my list of to do.

I've seen other blogs and I'm very grateful my experience has been so straightforward so far. Remaining conscious and porn free which is the main thing at the moment x
 

Nico

Member
Hi, you're doing great - but I had to comment as the counter isn't the journal it is the reboot or days free from porn, so you are doing even better than you thought!
 
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