I've been following the posts here on the forum for some time, but I still haven't had the courage to write. But the situation has reached the limit, I need help, so sorry for the long text. I have no one to talk to, I feel alone and lost.
I am 29 years old, my boyfriend 31. We have been together for 1.8 years and from the beginning I felt something was wrong with his behavior in sex. I felt him distant, uninterested, he looked for me a few times, I didn't feel that he wanted me and it was always his eyes closed. He is a wonderful man! Really everything I asked for in a companion. We are great friends, we have fun, he takes care of me and he is affectionate, in a very fraternal sense, but sexually I am very frustrated. Our relationship was long-distance at that time, he lived in another country and when we saw each other (we stayed together for months) sex was not compatible for those who were away for so long, besides we did VERY little.
I've come a long way in that time of dating trying to understand what was happening. I thought it was me. I was overweight, so I changed. I lost 15 kg, joined the gym. I dyed my hair, did some procedures. I take better care of myself, always makeup, nails done, hair done. I invested in lingerie and sexshop products and nothing. He was blind to the woman who lives in me.
Until in January of this year, I caught pornography in his history. It all made sense. Long periods in the bathroom, always with the cell phone inseparable. The lack of desire.. I felt like garbage. We had been sexless for weeks, we were on a dream trip to see the world and he would leave me in bed to watch pornography. He said it was a one-off, he didn't want to talk about it at the time.
I then returned to my country for a few months until we decided to live together. I moved to another country, I left everything behind, career, family. He's an incredibly good man, he gives me comfort, protection, we're beautifully mates, but the sex just got worse every day. Maybe in the whole relationship he came 4/5 times with me, besides not having good erections. He didn't look at me in sex. He did it out of obligation, because that wasn't where he wanted to be.
It's been 3 months living together and in that period, I tried to be with him, make him understand this problem and support him. Until 2 months ago he had the courage to admit that pornography was a problem. He pledged with me to stop, but he didn't do anything beyond that beyond his will. Interrupted therapy, doesn't read what I send him, avoids talking about it. Yesterday we had a conversation and he said that things would be in his time, but in those 2 months he had several relapses, that is, he didn't stop.
How do I know? Well, that's the worst part. I became the person who monitors him, watches over him, like a policeman. I caught myself listening behind the bathroom door. This is degrading. I'm from the health area, I perfectly understand the addiction, the process and the steps, but he's not my patient, he's my love. I changed my life to be with him and I feel like he doesn't value that. It wears me down and frustrates me. I just wanted to feel loved. All this has deconstructed the beautiful image I have of him and I'm starting to feel a little repulsed.
I don't know how far I can go, how long to wait, if I need to act differently by pressing him more. Leaving is a process with no return, I have to move to another country. I didn't want to leave him or give up on our love, which is incredibly beautiful. We don't have much time together, but I changed my life for this love and the family plans we have. It's really intense and I didn't want to be unfair and hasty in my choices.
Thanks for listening. Best regards.
I am 29 years old, my boyfriend 31. We have been together for 1.8 years and from the beginning I felt something was wrong with his behavior in sex. I felt him distant, uninterested, he looked for me a few times, I didn't feel that he wanted me and it was always his eyes closed. He is a wonderful man! Really everything I asked for in a companion. We are great friends, we have fun, he takes care of me and he is affectionate, in a very fraternal sense, but sexually I am very frustrated. Our relationship was long-distance at that time, he lived in another country and when we saw each other (we stayed together for months) sex was not compatible for those who were away for so long, besides we did VERY little.
I've come a long way in that time of dating trying to understand what was happening. I thought it was me. I was overweight, so I changed. I lost 15 kg, joined the gym. I dyed my hair, did some procedures. I take better care of myself, always makeup, nails done, hair done. I invested in lingerie and sexshop products and nothing. He was blind to the woman who lives in me.
Until in January of this year, I caught pornography in his history. It all made sense. Long periods in the bathroom, always with the cell phone inseparable. The lack of desire.. I felt like garbage. We had been sexless for weeks, we were on a dream trip to see the world and he would leave me in bed to watch pornography. He said it was a one-off, he didn't want to talk about it at the time.
I then returned to my country for a few months until we decided to live together. I moved to another country, I left everything behind, career, family. He's an incredibly good man, he gives me comfort, protection, we're beautifully mates, but the sex just got worse every day. Maybe in the whole relationship he came 4/5 times with me, besides not having good erections. He didn't look at me in sex. He did it out of obligation, because that wasn't where he wanted to be.
It's been 3 months living together and in that period, I tried to be with him, make him understand this problem and support him. Until 2 months ago he had the courage to admit that pornography was a problem. He pledged with me to stop, but he didn't do anything beyond that beyond his will. Interrupted therapy, doesn't read what I send him, avoids talking about it. Yesterday we had a conversation and he said that things would be in his time, but in those 2 months he had several relapses, that is, he didn't stop.
How do I know? Well, that's the worst part. I became the person who monitors him, watches over him, like a policeman. I caught myself listening behind the bathroom door. This is degrading. I'm from the health area, I perfectly understand the addiction, the process and the steps, but he's not my patient, he's my love. I changed my life to be with him and I feel like he doesn't value that. It wears me down and frustrates me. I just wanted to feel loved. All this has deconstructed the beautiful image I have of him and I'm starting to feel a little repulsed.
I don't know how far I can go, how long to wait, if I need to act differently by pressing him more. Leaving is a process with no return, I have to move to another country. I didn't want to leave him or give up on our love, which is incredibly beautiful. We don't have much time together, but I changed my life for this love and the family plans we have. It's really intense and I didn't want to be unfair and hasty in my choices.
Thanks for listening. Best regards.