celibate's journal

I was watching some youtube videos for hours today, only to end up being displeased with them.

I don't like popular entertainment from youtube videos much anymore. They seem to portray stereotypes that aren't healthy observations for me.

I am not upset too much though. Every day, I dedicate 3.5 hours towards reading personal accounts from people. These personal accounts are usually not stereotypical; not designed to perpetuate, entertain, or promote any stereotype; and founded on reality.

Some days, I don't observe those 3.5 daily hours. I should start putting those hours before any entertainment, especially if the entertainment might not be healthy for me.
 
day 91 p-mode
Yesterday was horrible. I only had 3 hours of sleep, partly because of my cousin. She wanted to drag me to some event. I sneaked out but still went to some big dinner for her.

I hated the dinner. There was a lot of strange talk about partners and abortion. I hate when women ask about my singlehood. Why does a man need to have a girlfriend? Am I not allowed to respect women and treat them equally as I treat men? The dinner was with family and two family friends. Every time they brought up the discomforting topic of my having a girlfriend, I reminded them about divorce. Apparently, divorce is a sour topic. It's okay to talk about having a partner but not about divorce?

Again, I really don't like socializing with my family much. They seem vain. They were all drinking alcohol too. And at some point, they were talking about abortion. So, abortion is an acceptable topic but divorce isn't? Again, my family is vain and dad speaks against Christianity. But I make sure they all remember that my dad was divorced 3 times. He lost money, children, and houses because of his lust and vanity. I won't be a sinful lustful fool and get preyed on by women.
 
day 94 p-mode
I've been developing a bad habit of calling female scam callers. It started a few days ago when I noticed I missed a call by a "Scam Likely" number. I dialed the number and was answered by a woman's voice that was not a robot. It was strange because I honestly thought most scam calls where by robots. Anyhow, I kept calling until I MO'ed to the call. The scammer blocked my number but I found a way to find numbers of more potential scammers.

I think I wasted almost an hour calling scammers tonight. I couldn't MO during the first few scam calls. I kept thinking that the scammer was transgender, and I respect transgenders enough to not treat them like sexual objects. The majority of the scam calls led to nowhere or were answered by males.

I don't feel guilty for the hobby much. I feel like those horrible scammers deserve nothing more than my MO for trying to scam people. I would rather disrespectfully MO in front of a scammer instead of in front of an online woman who pretends to help me. MO'ing over the phone seems a lot safer than over the internet.

I don't flirt with the scammers. They are robbers and don't deserve any compliments regardless of their gender. Befote this bad hobby, I was florting online, qhich was always embarassing and usually ended with a block, ban, or misinformation about women or sex. I was tired of women telling me that flirting was okay for me, when I clearly told them that florting qs not okay for me. But qith these scammers, there's no flirting or mosinformation. They are clearly criminal women who would quickly sexually manipulate me if I flirt, so I don't dare.

But then I'm calling scammers who can rob me. This bad hobby is very dangerous. They can probably eventually find a way to sexually manipulate me too. Some of them may be part of a crime gang or be prostitutes.

Also, the scam callers might be transgender or males. Some callers can use technology to change their voice. Some transgenders can have surgery or voice therapy to sound like a female. So, I could technically be MO'ing to males or transgenders without knowing. I don't want to mistreat men or transgenders as sexual objects.

I'm still studying the dangers of sex, which I believe is lowering my urges or making me think more logically before any foolish sexual act. I need to keep that study, regardless of my transient bad sexual habits, because I believe the study will ultimately help me discover that my sexual urges are not wise to pursue with female strangers.
 
day 95 p-mode
Calling scammers to MO is really not fun. Like 80% of the phone numbers are not answered by a female. And when they are, I can't really MO during the call. The caller could be a male with a vooce-altering technology, transgender, or intersex. I don't treat those groups as sexual objects, so I just don't feel like MO'ing during a call because I'm not confident in the caller's gender.

Also, I don't like the idea of MO'ing to someone who wants to rob me. I'm calling scammers, a very risky and dangerous hobby. I don't care if a woman can produce 20 healthy kids. If she is a scammer trying to rob me, I should not be MO'ing during our phone call. I shouldn't be talking to her at all. Predators are horrible and don't deserve my attention.
 
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