ImBroken
Member
Sanity Check here fellow spouses… Day 10 - the worst day yet….These are the emotions I have felt and am feeling -
1. Embarrassed- My God…I am NO Puritan but I’m embarrassed for him and his problem
2. Disgusted - Hard for me to look at him - I can’t use any other word but disgust to describe what I feel when I look at him. I do not see the man I fell in love with.
3. Duty Bound - Those F’ing VOWS I took on our wedding day - the obligation to them is surreal
4. Less Than - I will never be able to compete with the porn he watches, nor do I want to. I have a super healthy ego. I have a strong urge to revenge cheat - not to hurt him - but to prove to myself that I am sexually worthy to a hell of a lot of people
5. Non-Supportive - I’m glad he‘s getting the help he needs right now and that’s fine - but I feel like I’m in a silo - I know I need help too - I just don’t want to relive this day after day after day.
6. Done - Today, I want to throw him out on his ass and he is ready for it - I have made it abundantly clear and knows it is not a threat. I really don’t think I will ever be able to love him the way I did before - for 30 years.
7. Unwilling - I had no idea how deep the addiction was and that sex - just sex - is not possible for him without porn or fantasy game induction - I don’t want to put in the work and be the dutiful spouse helping him with his f’ing issue.
8. Angry - there is no controlling this - it comes fast and it comes in waves and i have tiny panic attacks - I don’t like this feeling - I am not an angry person - I don’t want this to become a permanent part of me.
9. Complacent - I would have thrown him out but the thought of divorce, assets, families, pets, investments, life - getting divided is just too much to handle - I did not ask to be in this situation.
10. Foggy - My brain is usually focused - I am strategic in the rest of my life - I just feel like I can’t find my way out of a paper bag right now.
11. Resolute - Once a cheater always a cheater - This is his second offense in a different realm of pornography - pretty heavy, twisted shit. The recidivism rate is astronomical - so odds are he’ll do it again - why not just cut my losses now.
Am I missing anything - is anything on here a red flag - Are these universal feelings ????
1. Embarrassed- My God…I am NO Puritan but I’m embarrassed for him and his problem
2. Disgusted - Hard for me to look at him - I can’t use any other word but disgust to describe what I feel when I look at him. I do not see the man I fell in love with.
3. Duty Bound - Those F’ing VOWS I took on our wedding day - the obligation to them is surreal
4. Less Than - I will never be able to compete with the porn he watches, nor do I want to. I have a super healthy ego. I have a strong urge to revenge cheat - not to hurt him - but to prove to myself that I am sexually worthy to a hell of a lot of people
5. Non-Supportive - I’m glad he‘s getting the help he needs right now and that’s fine - but I feel like I’m in a silo - I know I need help too - I just don’t want to relive this day after day after day.
6. Done - Today, I want to throw him out on his ass and he is ready for it - I have made it abundantly clear and knows it is not a threat. I really don’t think I will ever be able to love him the way I did before - for 30 years.
7. Unwilling - I had no idea how deep the addiction was and that sex - just sex - is not possible for him without porn or fantasy game induction - I don’t want to put in the work and be the dutiful spouse helping him with his f’ing issue.
8. Angry - there is no controlling this - it comes fast and it comes in waves and i have tiny panic attacks - I don’t like this feeling - I am not an angry person - I don’t want this to become a permanent part of me.
9. Complacent - I would have thrown him out but the thought of divorce, assets, families, pets, investments, life - getting divided is just too much to handle - I did not ask to be in this situation.
10. Foggy - My brain is usually focused - I am strategic in the rest of my life - I just feel like I can’t find my way out of a paper bag right now.
11. Resolute - Once a cheater always a cheater - This is his second offense in a different realm of pornography - pretty heavy, twisted shit. The recidivism rate is astronomical - so odds are he’ll do it again - why not just cut my losses now.
Am I missing anything - is anything on here a red flag - Are these universal feelings ????