A problem

Gracie

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
So gang, a difficulty for me has come up. Without going into a TMI moment, I will just say I am having difficulty with my internal lady parts. And there is severe pain off and on. Yes should be going to Dr. and is on my list. But the worrier me knows there will be surgery and that leads to recovery healing. Then right now, no penetration can occur due to pain. Now a little back story when all of this addiction came out ie D-day I had neck surgery and the frozen shoulder and was in extreme pain. So my husband decided he would sleep on the couch. Would make sure I was In Bed had taken my meds so I would sleep. Thoughtful right? That led to no sex and then I found the cause of no sex. I never said no sex. Only, due to surgery healing, no BJs. So this is all very triggering for me. And already because of no penetration, there is not much touching. I did tell him this morning this is not good. Do men not understand that even though something is off the menu does not mean we lose sexual interest and feelings? I will admit I am a little pissed off right now. And a whole lot scared.
 

Sammyjo

Active Member
First, I hope you're ok, and praying you will be perfectly healthy again.

Second, shaking my head and thinking sarcastically "of course"! WTF! It seems like life likes to throw these curves and hills in just when we think we're getting off the roller coaster.
I will admit I am a little pissed off right now. And a whole lot scared.
I get it!
Do men not understand that even though something is off the menu does not mean we lose sexual interest and feelings?
I'm sure you already know this, but if you haven't you should communicate this to him along with your fears. Perhaps talk with him about what he needs and what you need physically and come up with a plan. Gonna PM you.

Sending big hugs!
Sammyjo
 

Sammyjo

Active Member
One more thing - you have been such a beacon of light for so many of us - we got you!

And remember - venting helps!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Sorry to hear about this @Gracie.

I would definitely talk to him about your understandable fears and concerns.
Do men not understand that even though something is off the menu does not mean we lose sexual interest and feelings?
Surely not all men, but perhaps your husband back in the day, but that's the key point, back in the day. He's seems to have changed for the better now. It's understandable that you would have flashbacks to a terrible moment in your life and relationship (there should be no shame about that), but the key now is to talk to him and tell him about your fears.

Best to you.
 
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ImBroken

Member
@Gracie - I’m outing my profession here - but hear me out. Get your butt and other lady parts into your OBGYN or at least Primary Care. Dyspareunia (painful penetration) can be attributable to numerous things - even psychological ones. Most common are infections or muscle contractions - very similar to your frozen shoulder situation. Please - don’t think it will immediately result in surgery. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST. And for the SHIT our spouses have put us through…hubby should be able to survive some time and really understand YOUR NEEDS in this situation. I know, I talk a good game…I’m much better at giving patients advice than listening to my own thoughts. So - I am going to send out some good vibes, prayers and karma your way and hope this is transient - but please have it checked out. And yes, like everyone has said, thank you for being a beacon to many of us.
 

Gracie

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Hey all thank you for your words of encouragement! It helps! I am a “worst case scenario” type when it is medical in nature. However, I will let you know that having been on the roller coaster of being a partner of a porn addict just puts me back in time. Funny thing when I wrote roller coaster I thought of the song Roller Coaster of Love. Red Hot Chili Peppers version. @ImBroken I will call doctor Monday. Thanks for the “strong talk”. I needed that. @Blondie my logic mind does say back in the day. My heart mind. Goes Scared Shitless. @Sammyjo thank you lady. Good to know you are here for me!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey @Gracie, I hope you're still doing okay with this medical situation. I thought about it just now and thought I'd check in.

Best
 

Gracie

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Yes I am. It turned out to be a bad UTI. Actually went to hospital in pain. Felt like diverticulitis. I feel so much better must have been coming on for a bit! Thanks for asking. BTW husband was great. Just was a trigger after all the statements he made. Still sting after all these years. Perhaps one day I will share them. But today is not that day.
 
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