Enough is enough
- Thread starter Galatians51
- Start date
Galatians51
Active Member
day 149
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Fuckin awesome man!
Galatians51
Active Member
day 154 - 22 weeks no pmo
So I got sick really bad and was stuck in bed for most of the week. I'm feeling good today... I can see half a year porn free is just on the horizon now.
Hope you all have a great weekend!
So I got sick really bad and was stuck in bed for most of the week. I'm feeling good today... I can see half a year porn free is just on the horizon now.
Hope you all have a great weekend!
Galatians51
Active Member
day 157
Blondie
Respected Member
You are killing it @Galatians51!
Galatians51
Active Member
day 164
Thank you @Blondie and @GBS
Man I have been so busy the last several weeks it's been crazy. On top of that my family went through like 3 weeks of my kids being sick, then my wife being sick, me getting sick, it was horrible - and that all meant that i was even busier once I was healthy to be able to catch up from the time spent being sick and watching my kids while my wife and they were sick. Anyway, not trying to complain - we're all fine now, just explaining why I have barely been posting on here.
So i have a pretty big update on here, it's actually from about 30 days ago and I just haven't taken time to write about it. I had a really close call and almost looked at porn - which is crazy to think about since had been about 130 days porn free at that point... here's what happened:
My wife was going on a weekend trip, before she left I was trying to see if we could have sex, it just didn't happen - not that she didn't want me but between being busy getting ready for the trip, taking care of the kids, work, we never got around to it. That left me feeling really horny and no outlet to take it out on, and me being alone in an empty house for 2 days. After being home alone half a day I thought to myself that maybe I could try to flog the ole dolphin without doing any harm. I had seen many guys writing about how masturbating didn't make them want to look at porn and helped release some of that tension we can all feel. So I thought i'd try and see what happens, well that was a big mistake for me. As soon as I started it brought back all the old memories and feelings and then I thought I'll just look at some pictures of pretty girls... which turned into watching youtube videos of bikinis. After I was done I felt guilt and shame - not to the extent as if I had actually watched porn - but still pretty bad because I knew that I wanted to watch porn. For several months I had been able to resist porn or even masturbating - and then on that one stay I nearly slipped up and "lost it all"... I know I wouldn't have actually lost it all, that I would have picked myself up and started over, but that's just how it felt at the time. For a few days after this I had really strong urges to look at porn but was able to resist them. I'm not sure why I thought I could handle it, I have written plenty of times in my posts about how it's best to just leave the ole trouser dragon alone, don't tempt fate... but I gave in to that feeling anyway.
If anything good came of that experience, it once again reminded me how careful I need to be and that I can never let my guard down.
Well the good news is I'm just a couple weeks away from half a year of no porn... and I'm 30 days with no masturbation.
I hope you're all doing well, and as always, stay vigilant.
Thank you @Blondie and @GBS
Man I have been so busy the last several weeks it's been crazy. On top of that my family went through like 3 weeks of my kids being sick, then my wife being sick, me getting sick, it was horrible - and that all meant that i was even busier once I was healthy to be able to catch up from the time spent being sick and watching my kids while my wife and they were sick. Anyway, not trying to complain - we're all fine now, just explaining why I have barely been posting on here.
So i have a pretty big update on here, it's actually from about 30 days ago and I just haven't taken time to write about it. I had a really close call and almost looked at porn - which is crazy to think about since had been about 130 days porn free at that point... here's what happened:
My wife was going on a weekend trip, before she left I was trying to see if we could have sex, it just didn't happen - not that she didn't want me but between being busy getting ready for the trip, taking care of the kids, work, we never got around to it. That left me feeling really horny and no outlet to take it out on, and me being alone in an empty house for 2 days. After being home alone half a day I thought to myself that maybe I could try to flog the ole dolphin without doing any harm. I had seen many guys writing about how masturbating didn't make them want to look at porn and helped release some of that tension we can all feel. So I thought i'd try and see what happens, well that was a big mistake for me. As soon as I started it brought back all the old memories and feelings and then I thought I'll just look at some pictures of pretty girls... which turned into watching youtube videos of bikinis. After I was done I felt guilt and shame - not to the extent as if I had actually watched porn - but still pretty bad because I knew that I wanted to watch porn. For several months I had been able to resist porn or even masturbating - and then on that one stay I nearly slipped up and "lost it all"... I know I wouldn't have actually lost it all, that I would have picked myself up and started over, but that's just how it felt at the time. For a few days after this I had really strong urges to look at porn but was able to resist them. I'm not sure why I thought I could handle it, I have written plenty of times in my posts about how it's best to just leave the ole trouser dragon alone, don't tempt fate... but I gave in to that feeling anyway.
If anything good came of that experience, it once again reminded me how careful I need to be and that I can never let my guard down.
Well the good news is I'm just a couple weeks away from half a year of no porn... and I'm 30 days with no masturbation.
I hope you're all doing well, and as always, stay vigilant.
Blondie
Respected Member
Hey @Galatians51, nice job pulling through and not giving in. I concur with @Androg, I can't think of many people here, who can masturbate and not get that old feeling, that maybe they should continue with everything else that they use to do as well. As for myself, masturbation and porn are utterly inseparable. Masturbating without porn just seems crazy to me, not because it is per se, but because that's how it was for me, I didn't do one without the other.
Whatever you do, stay extra vigilant the next few days. I've found it's at moments like these, when my brain starts throwing all kinds of crazy rationalizations at me. For example, "You were looking at bikini pictures, thus, you've alreadly screwed up a little, so just go all the way!" and nonsense like that.
You did not screw up, please understand that. Maybe just a little off track, but we've all been there and that's okay.
You got this.
Whatever you do, stay extra vigilant the next few days. I've found it's at moments like these, when my brain starts throwing all kinds of crazy rationalizations at me. For example, "You were looking at bikini pictures, thus, you've alreadly screwed up a little, so just go all the way!" and nonsense like that.
You did not screw up, please understand that. Maybe just a little off track, but we've all been there and that's okay.
You got this.
Galatians51
Active Member
Day 83
so... this was my original journal that I started last year when I first got on RN and I went for 179 days without looking at porn. After I messed up I didn't want to keep writing on the same thread because it made me feel like I failed every time I saw my streak count. I realize that thinking like this isn't the best, and that though I am committed to quitting, documenting that relapse last year is part of the process and I don't want to be ashamed of it. Porn has always made me feel so much shame and hypocrisy in my life, and i don't want to give it that power any more. That's one of the reasons why I quit it, but even with having relapsed last year during my longest streak (in years) I still am proud of the year that I had last year.
I started writing on RN on October 5th, 2022 and was 5 days into the process. So if I add up all the days that I didn't look at porn last year it was about 345 days porn free. I say about because I didn't track everything when I had relapsed and stopped writing every day on here. I honestly think it was less than 20 days of relapse, but I figure I'll play it safe in case it was more than I remember. That's 20 more days than I want to admit to, but overall it was a lot of progress from the previous years.
One week ago was my one year anniversary of being on RN and I'm really happy to be here with all of you tracking my progress and being encouraged by all of our journeys in this process.
I'm going to copy and paste my posts from my other journals that I started over the last year and put them all on this journal and then delete them from my other journals. I'm not trying to hide my relapses anymore, I want my journal to be what i'm really experiencing, regardless of it it's not a perfect streak.
I hope you are all doing well today, I wish you much strength in this process.
so... this was my original journal that I started last year when I first got on RN and I went for 179 days without looking at porn. After I messed up I didn't want to keep writing on the same thread because it made me feel like I failed every time I saw my streak count. I realize that thinking like this isn't the best, and that though I am committed to quitting, documenting that relapse last year is part of the process and I don't want to be ashamed of it. Porn has always made me feel so much shame and hypocrisy in my life, and i don't want to give it that power any more. That's one of the reasons why I quit it, but even with having relapsed last year during my longest streak (in years) I still am proud of the year that I had last year.
I started writing on RN on October 5th, 2022 and was 5 days into the process. So if I add up all the days that I didn't look at porn last year it was about 345 days porn free. I say about because I didn't track everything when I had relapsed and stopped writing every day on here. I honestly think it was less than 20 days of relapse, but I figure I'll play it safe in case it was more than I remember. That's 20 more days than I want to admit to, but overall it was a lot of progress from the previous years.
One week ago was my one year anniversary of being on RN and I'm really happy to be here with all of you tracking my progress and being encouraged by all of our journeys in this process.
I'm going to copy and paste my posts from my other journals that I started over the last year and put them all on this journal and then delete them from my other journals. I'm not trying to hide my relapses anymore, I want my journal to be what i'm really experiencing, regardless of it it's not a perfect streak.
I hope you are all doing well today, I wish you much strength in this process.
Galatians51
Active Member
posts from my previous thread (From day 179 back to 0)
(I will add the names of anybody else who commented, otherwise it will have been from me)
Mar 28, 2023
Day 0
Well this is a really big bummer. I just reset my streak from 179 days of no porn back to 0.
I wasn't searching for porn, but i wasn't being totally innocent either, I had been looking at content that wasn't nude but was not helping me out at all off and on for the last couple weeks. I thought I'd be able to stop before I got into real trouble, I was wrong. I was on a website and came across a nude image on accident, but once I saw it - well I guess you can figure out the rest.
I let my guard down too much, and paid the price for it.
I'm not going to stay down though. I'm going to pick myself up, get back to doing what I need to do.
I'll write more tomorrow.
Androg:
Mar 28, 2023
It happens. Remember healing from a binge is much tougher than healing from a slip. Stay strong. Sometimes urges are worse for a bit of time after a slip.
And remember...179 is spectacular!
Mar 29, 2023
day 1
Thanks @Androg ... i'm determined not to go down the binge path, yesterday after I messed up I decided to post right away, even though I was tempted to keep it a secret, I want to be open on here and deal with it.
After I messed up I felt super disappointed of course, however the main thing that I recognized is how unfulfilling the whole thing was. Even though I've known this was true and has been the reason I quit from the get go, somehow after not seeing it for so long I had this curiosity of what it would be like again... well it was totally unsatisfying, I can't believe that I gave in to the temptation for such an unfulfilling moment.
I know the temptation will come back over the next couple days really strong, but I'm not giving in.
Androg:
Mar 29, 2023
Good to keep that in mind and remind yourself how unfulfilling a slip actually is.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Mar 30, 2023
#5
I'm sure you've heard this to death but I had to finally agreed with the people who said: The problem is when (from whatever long streak you have), you go back to your normal porn routine. If it was an every day routine, or a few times a week or whatever, if you go back to doing that regularly again, that's a problem. One day of making a mistake with porn recovery isn't going to destroy everything. Yes, the duration matters, it matter if you edge 8 hours that day versus a 15 minutes PMO session. It matters if you PMO 7 times that day or only once. But even if they are not preferable, it's still not the end of the world, if you are not back to your normal frequency and routine, you feel me? Obviously, engaging with porn triggers the appetite hard, if you experience chaser effect it can be very nagging and difficult (I know it is for me) and the urge to PMO (just one more time) can be super strong. But if you can keep going and build another good streak, this shit will only be a small wrong step.
You got this, man!
I know the temptation will come back over the next couple days really strong, but I'm not giving in.
Click to expand...That's how the dopamine system of an addict unfortunately works. The dopamine makes us feel like the reward is going to be amazing but, oftentimes, you find yourself saying: "That's it? I'm messing with my great streak because of this shit?" I get this with alcohol. After abstaining for a considerable period of time, I start thinking that a drinking session is going to make me feel amazing, I start drinking and it's very underwhelming most of the time. So yeah, fuck em. We don't need them anymore.
Apr 8, 2023
day 11 no porn and no pmo
thanks @Androg definitely something I want to keep in mind
This is so true. Honestly I think this is the reason I didn't PMO again since my slip up. I PMO'd once, I didn't spend hours looking at content, start to finish it was probably 10 minutes at the most and I only did it once. That one time was enough to remind me how horrible this habit is and thankfully I didn't go back to it since. I honestly was expecting it to be harder - that I would have a stronger desire to go back to it again and again. Today is the first day since that mess up where I had thoughts about it, about the content I watched and had a fleeting thought of "I could do that again if I wanted to"... But I don't want to, I know the destructive path that will put me on so I will stay clean.
Stay Vigilant
Billy T.Kidd
Apr 8, 2023
@OP.
It is important to understand that you may reset in days, but, really, you have made great progress. You are not going back to the day before you quit. You are going back to the day before you slipped. Those two guys don't look like each other.
Blondie
Jun 4, 2023
How we doing @Galatians51?
Androg:
Jun 4, 2023
Whatever happened, speak up about it and we'll listen as you figure out what you need to change.
Jun 28, 2023
Day 0
After I messed up from my long streak a couple months ago I thought maybe writing on here wasn't really helping me that much so I should just go back to trying on my own without really tracking progress or writing about it. It was the same old thing, I'd go anywhere from a few days to a couple weeks before messing up again. I was on about a 3-4 week streak that ended yesterday, thought I was finally making some progress again, but then yesterday I failed, and again today. Which left me thinking that even though I messed up from my 179 day streak I still accomplished a lot in doing so and writing on here was definitely part of that success. So I'm back onboard and will be writing on here once again.
Sorry to be graphic here, hopefully i'm not oversharing - feel free to ignore this, i'm more just writing it for me so that I don't forget this moment. Something happened today that freaked me out a little bit. As I have written about in the past I haven't ever looked at porn to watch sex scenes... nude images or videos was what I looked for and never had any issues masturbating to that. However today I was looking at those images/videos again and it wasn't really doing much for me and it took a lot longer to masturbate -I didn't even really enjoy it. I knew right away what the problem was from the past research that i have done... my brain wasn't shocked by the images anymore and wanted something more to look at, and I know that's a very dangerous place to be. This is partly what caused me to want to quit again - I don't want to - I refuse to go down that road because I know it leads to dark places that I don't want to go.
So here I am again. Feeling like a total failure and unmotivated to do just about anything.... I know the only thing that is going to help me feel any better and be the person I want to be is quitting this.
Thanks for reaching out @Blondie and @Androg
Androg:
Jun 28, 2023
Yes, escalation (or a strong urge to escalate) is a bad sign. You're in the right place.
Jun 29, 2023
Day 1
@Androg agreed. I definitely don’t want to escalate.
Well I changed my eating habits last week and I’m down 7 pounds. Now I’m changing this habit… I know it will all pay off, the process just sucks though. Eating a raw piece of broccoli while my friends are eating chocolate chip cookies. I know eventually after my body isn’t detoxes from sugar and all the processed junk that eventually a vegetables will taste good and fruit will taste sweet, but starting off it’s all just miserable. Gotta do what’s best anyway.
Jun 30, 2023
Day 2
Blondie:
Jun 30, 2023
Hey @Galatians51, great to see you back brother. I agree with you, writing here everyday, even if only a few sentences, can keep you in the correct mindset.
There's no shame in being here, the only shame I see is to deny a problem that is right before us.
You're a hero for coming back.
Best
Jul 5, 2023
Day 7
I was on vacation and the place we stayed didn’t have Wi-Fi and since I don’t have a smart phone I wasn’t able to get on and update. Of course not having Wi-Fi for a few days made the reboot easier, but also just being in a different environment was good too.
Thanks for the support @Blondie
Jul 6, 2023
Day 8
Jul 9, 2023
day 11 no pmo no mo
Blondie:
Jul 9, 2023
Right on @Galatians51.
Jul 11, 2023
Day 13 no pmo no mo
Jul 19, 2023
Day 5
I messed up last Friday… i didn’t let it pull me back into the usual cycle of messing up a few more times, I am moving forward again.
Blondie:
Jul 19, 2023
Looking good @Galatians51.
Great job not getting caught up in it all and getting back on track.
Jul 21, 2023
Thank you
day 7
(I will add the names of anybody else who commented, otherwise it will have been from me)
Mar 28, 2023
Day 0
Well this is a really big bummer. I just reset my streak from 179 days of no porn back to 0.
I wasn't searching for porn, but i wasn't being totally innocent either, I had been looking at content that wasn't nude but was not helping me out at all off and on for the last couple weeks. I thought I'd be able to stop before I got into real trouble, I was wrong. I was on a website and came across a nude image on accident, but once I saw it - well I guess you can figure out the rest.
I let my guard down too much, and paid the price for it.
I'm not going to stay down though. I'm going to pick myself up, get back to doing what I need to do.
I'll write more tomorrow.
Androg:
Mar 28, 2023
It happens. Remember healing from a binge is much tougher than healing from a slip. Stay strong. Sometimes urges are worse for a bit of time after a slip.
And remember...179 is spectacular!
Mar 29, 2023
day 1
Thanks @Androg ... i'm determined not to go down the binge path, yesterday after I messed up I decided to post right away, even though I was tempted to keep it a secret, I want to be open on here and deal with it.
After I messed up I felt super disappointed of course, however the main thing that I recognized is how unfulfilling the whole thing was. Even though I've known this was true and has been the reason I quit from the get go, somehow after not seeing it for so long I had this curiosity of what it would be like again... well it was totally unsatisfying, I can't believe that I gave in to the temptation for such an unfulfilling moment.
I know the temptation will come back over the next couple days really strong, but I'm not giving in.
Androg:
Mar 29, 2023
Good to keep that in mind and remind yourself how unfulfilling a slip actually is.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Mar 30, 2023
#5
I'm sure you've heard this to death but I had to finally agreed with the people who said: The problem is when (from whatever long streak you have), you go back to your normal porn routine. If it was an every day routine, or a few times a week or whatever, if you go back to doing that regularly again, that's a problem. One day of making a mistake with porn recovery isn't going to destroy everything. Yes, the duration matters, it matter if you edge 8 hours that day versus a 15 minutes PMO session. It matters if you PMO 7 times that day or only once. But even if they are not preferable, it's still not the end of the world, if you are not back to your normal frequency and routine, you feel me? Obviously, engaging with porn triggers the appetite hard, if you experience chaser effect it can be very nagging and difficult (I know it is for me) and the urge to PMO (just one more time) can be super strong. But if you can keep going and build another good streak, this shit will only be a small wrong step.
You got this, man!I know the temptation will come back over the next couple days really strong, but I'm not giving in.
Click to expand...That's how the dopamine system of an addict unfortunately works. The dopamine makes us feel like the reward is going to be amazing but, oftentimes, you find yourself saying: "That's it? I'm messing with my great streak because of this shit?" I get this with alcohol. After abstaining for a considerable period of time, I start thinking that a drinking session is going to make me feel amazing, I start drinking and it's very underwhelming most of the time. So yeah, fuck em. We don't need them anymore.
Apr 8, 2023
day 11 no porn and no pmo
thanks @Androg definitely something I want to keep in mind
This is so true. Honestly I think this is the reason I didn't PMO again since my slip up. I PMO'd once, I didn't spend hours looking at content, start to finish it was probably 10 minutes at the most and I only did it once. That one time was enough to remind me how horrible this habit is and thankfully I didn't go back to it since. I honestly was expecting it to be harder - that I would have a stronger desire to go back to it again and again. Today is the first day since that mess up where I had thoughts about it, about the content I watched and had a fleeting thought of "I could do that again if I wanted to"... But I don't want to, I know the destructive path that will put me on so I will stay clean.
Stay Vigilant
Billy T.Kidd
Apr 8, 2023
@OP.
It is important to understand that you may reset in days, but, really, you have made great progress. You are not going back to the day before you quit. You are going back to the day before you slipped. Those two guys don't look like each other.
Blondie
Jun 4, 2023
How we doing @Galatians51?
Androg:
Jun 4, 2023
Whatever happened, speak up about it and we'll listen as you figure out what you need to change.
Jun 28, 2023
Day 0
After I messed up from my long streak a couple months ago I thought maybe writing on here wasn't really helping me that much so I should just go back to trying on my own without really tracking progress or writing about it. It was the same old thing, I'd go anywhere from a few days to a couple weeks before messing up again. I was on about a 3-4 week streak that ended yesterday, thought I was finally making some progress again, but then yesterday I failed, and again today. Which left me thinking that even though I messed up from my 179 day streak I still accomplished a lot in doing so and writing on here was definitely part of that success. So I'm back onboard and will be writing on here once again.
Sorry to be graphic here, hopefully i'm not oversharing - feel free to ignore this, i'm more just writing it for me so that I don't forget this moment. Something happened today that freaked me out a little bit. As I have written about in the past I haven't ever looked at porn to watch sex scenes... nude images or videos was what I looked for and never had any issues masturbating to that. However today I was looking at those images/videos again and it wasn't really doing much for me and it took a lot longer to masturbate -I didn't even really enjoy it. I knew right away what the problem was from the past research that i have done... my brain wasn't shocked by the images anymore and wanted something more to look at, and I know that's a very dangerous place to be. This is partly what caused me to want to quit again - I don't want to - I refuse to go down that road because I know it leads to dark places that I don't want to go.
So here I am again. Feeling like a total failure and unmotivated to do just about anything.... I know the only thing that is going to help me feel any better and be the person I want to be is quitting this.
Thanks for reaching out @Blondie and @Androg
Androg:
Jun 28, 2023
Yes, escalation (or a strong urge to escalate) is a bad sign. You're in the right place.
Jun 29, 2023
Day 1
@Androg agreed. I definitely don’t want to escalate.
Well I changed my eating habits last week and I’m down 7 pounds. Now I’m changing this habit… I know it will all pay off, the process just sucks though. Eating a raw piece of broccoli while my friends are eating chocolate chip cookies. I know eventually after my body isn’t detoxes from sugar and all the processed junk that eventually a vegetables will taste good and fruit will taste sweet, but starting off it’s all just miserable. Gotta do what’s best anyway.
Jun 30, 2023
Day 2
Blondie:
Jun 30, 2023
Hey @Galatians51, great to see you back brother. I agree with you, writing here everyday, even if only a few sentences, can keep you in the correct mindset.
There's no shame in being here, the only shame I see is to deny a problem that is right before us.
You're a hero for coming back.
Best
Jul 5, 2023
Day 7
I was on vacation and the place we stayed didn’t have Wi-Fi and since I don’t have a smart phone I wasn’t able to get on and update. Of course not having Wi-Fi for a few days made the reboot easier, but also just being in a different environment was good too.
Thanks for the support @Blondie
Jul 6, 2023
Day 8
Jul 9, 2023
day 11 no pmo no mo
Blondie:
Jul 9, 2023
Right on @Galatians51.
Jul 11, 2023
Day 13 no pmo no mo
Jul 19, 2023
Day 5
I messed up last Friday… i didn’t let it pull me back into the usual cycle of messing up a few more times, I am moving forward again.
Blondie:
Jul 19, 2023
Looking good @Galatians51.
Great job not getting caught up in it all and getting back on track.
Jul 21, 2023
Thank you
day 7
Ezel
Respected Member
Keep killing it @Galatians51, you're doing great.
Galatians51
Active Member
Galatians51
Active Member
day 86
Galatians51
Active Member
Day 87
Galatians51
Active Member
day 88
Blondie
Respected Member
Nice @Galatians51!
Galatians51
Active Member
Blondie
Respected Member
Well they're both the bad guys in my estimation, but the Marxists are the ones who gave us this sexual ideology of 24/7wankerism, so there's that.
Almost to 90 days, nice.
Best