Enough is enough

Galatians51

Galatians51

Active Member
day 35

ImBroken said:
I wish you well in your recovery…you are human - but you can overcome this…your strength and knowledge will prevail.
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Thanks for the encouragement. Sorry to hear that your significant other has this problem, but it sounds like he is on the right track.

For me a huge help has been knowing how this addiction is connected to our brain and that it is a human problem - not just a spiritual one. Our brains can be reprogrammed just the same way that we conditioned them to want this dopamine high, it just needs time to heal. Not that the temptation or ability to give in to it goes away, but the longer we can stay clean - the better our chances are of staying clean because our brain circuits are being cleaned up. Not sure what your significant other's plan is, but if they haven't already checked out your brain on porn .com it's a great resource, same as gabe deem's youtube videos.


- stay vigilant
 
Galatians51

Galatians51

Active Member
day 37

It's been getting easier to not give in triggers. I haven't given for 37 days, but during the first 3-4 weeks if I faced a trigger it took more will power to say no to them. I'm not suggesting that I'm past them, I still am keeping my guard up and not trusting myself. I do feel like my brain is making some progress though - maybe some deltaFOSb has been removed.
 
Galatians51

Galatians51

Active Member
Day 42 - 6 weeks

Things are going really well. I think my attitude towards people around me has really improved a lot over the last couple weeks. In the past I would find myself really irritable over the littlest things after PMO (and several days or even a couple weeks after). It wasn't ever intentional, I would just be really quick to get angry with people, especially my family. I'm guessing that there was some sort of subconscious self loathing or something taking place after PMO that just made me angry at the world - perhaps angry that I was struggling with this addiction, then i took that out on people, people that I love. I find myself having more patience and being generally more calm now. If I was changing lots of other things in my life I might chalk some of these things up to that, but this is the primary thing I've changed in my life since my attitude has improved.

It seems like the more often that I face a trigger and don't give in to it, the less power it has over me. One of the triggers that I struggled with in the past was when my house was empty. Once everyone was gone it would be like a thought from nowhere would come to say "you can go look at porn now"... and then it almost felt as once that thought entered my head I couldn't get it out until i gave in. Now having faced this trigger several times over the last few weeks and not given in, it seems like when it happens - either that thought doesn't come, or if it does it's much easier for me to dismiss it as nonsense and keep going. Other triggers have happened as well, like ridiculous ads on websites (websites that should be totally clean) of "scantily clad women". In the past, once I had seen something like that I wouldn't be able to resist and not PMO within a couple days of seeing it. It was like seeing a provocative image set off an imaginary timer in my brain that when it finished counting down - I couldn't resist the thoughts any longer, sometimes that would be hours, sometimes days. I've faced this trigger at least 4-5 times since my reboot and haven't given in to it.

It feels really good to be done with this habit. I say that i'm done with this habit in the sense of I am totally determined to never go back to this habit, yet I will always remain wary of the things that want to lure me back to it. I don't mean that I'm done with it as if i've eliminated the temptation.
 
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Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
So happy to hear about this @Galatians51.
Galatians51 said:
ther triggers have happened as well, like ridiculous ads on websites (websites that should be totally clean) of "scantily clad women". In the past, once I had seen something like that I wouldn't be able to resist and not PMO within a couple days of seeing it.
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Yes this is crazy. The more you get away from all of this, the more those ads get more and more ridiculous. And you're right, you can be on a normal site and still they pop up. I'm always like "What have I done over the last year of my searching, that would make any algorithm think I want to see that?"

Good job getting through those moments. It's great you're less irritable around you family as well etc. This shit really does take our very lives from us. All of it.

Best brother.
 
Galatians51

Galatians51

Active Member
Blondie said:
So happy to hear about this @Galatians51.

Yes this is crazy. The more you get away from all of this, the more those ads get more and more ridiculous. And you're right, you can be on a normal site and still they pop up. I'm always like "What have I done over the last year of my searching, that would make any algorithm think I want to see that?"

Good job getting through those moments. It's great you're less irritable around you family as well etc. This shit really does take our very lives from us. All of it.

Best brother.
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Thanks @Blondie

It's like the internet goes out of its way to make this habit as hard to break as possible. It's free, it's easy to access, it finds you when you're not looking for it... I find myself using the internet less and less, only when I need to use it, which definitely helps, but it still manages to bring its suggestions. One day I'll have a word with Al Gore about his motives for creating the internet 😂

It does take our lives in many ways. Over the last year or so (prior to this reboot), I was starting to wonder if i'd ever find a way out, or if i should just give up and give in. I'm thankful that I didn't go that route, that I found the information to help me, and this forum as well. Honestly, reading your story and others on this forum has given me a tremendous amount of courage to keep going.
 
Galatians51

Galatians51

Active Member
day 43

I realized today that since I skipped writing on wednesday, I forgot to update my count, so when I posted on thursday I was one day behind my actual count (I went back and corrected them already)... anyway it feels like I was given an extra day which shouldn't really matter, but somehow feels nice haha.

so yesterday was 6 weeks... it doesn't seem like it's been that long, but I'm glad it has been.

however... last night was back to crazy dreamland. I won't write the details as to avoid any triggers, but let's just say it was completely ridiculous and I woke up feeling very disturbed by it. The good thing, and somewhat strange - is that I didn't wake up from the dream feeling like I wanted to look at porn, I woke up thinking that was dumb, and then went back to sleep. I don't understand all the dream stuff, but I'm taking this as a good sign.
 
Galatians51

Galatians51

Active Member
Day 52

I guess i'm not sure what to write about on here right now. Logging in and tracking my daily progress has been helpful, so I will continue to do that at the very minimum. I'm also terribly busy lately, which prevents me from writing more.

I haven't been tempted by any triggers in the last couple weeks (not that I haven't had them, they were just easy to dismiss) and porn hasn't been a thought for me at all. I think the brain has really been healing itself... but it's not just that, i stay away from nearly anything that could be a temptation as much as I possibly can. No smart phone, no ipad, no TV/movies, the only internet connected device is just my computer in my office. I think these boundaries that I have placed on myself are really helpful, they are a bit extreme for today's culture, but go back 50-100 years and that was just normal life... it's definitely worth the sacrifice to be free. I think i've already written about all this on here, so nothing new, I just keep moving forward and every day feels like porn is less of a temptation.
 
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