Galatians51
Active Member
day 53
Enough is enough
- Thread starter Galatians51
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Galatians51
Active Member
day 54
Galatians51
Active Member
day 56 - 8 weeks
hope you all had a great thanksgiving
hope you all had a great thanksgiving
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Galatians51
Active Member
day 57
Galatians51
Active Member
day 58
KetchupDrool
Member
First, congratulations on fifty-two days of no PMO, that's outstanding. I'm ex tactic that you realize your sensitisation (DeltaFosB) to pornography is diminishing. It's reported that when an addict stops using, DeltaFosB slowly degrades and is back to normal levels "about" two months after the last binge. Be aware, though, the sensitised pathways that were built remain, perhaps for a life-time.
Galatians51
Active Member
Day 59
Thank you! Yeah it just feels like when something that in the past would have caused me to rush to the screens for pmo doesn't effect me nearly as much as it used to, much easier to dismiss it. I appreciate your "warning" though, i've read other posts of people that are anywhere from day 100-500 and they still have to be alert so that they don't go back to it. For myself, i've put up a lot of technology boundaries, and I think the best thing is to keep them in place long term - instead of feeling like it's been X amount of days since i messed up so I can handle internet devices/tv/etc... whatever the sacrifice - it's worth it to be free of this habit.
KetchupDrool
Member
I can vouch for this, I'm over the 500-day mark and I will occasionally but very rarely have the urge to look at porn again. It's the physical encounters that I had that are the problem. I, too, put up the technology boundaries. Some may say I'm extreme, but I do what it takes to maintain my sobriety from this junk. I eliminate all artificial sexual stimulation. By artificial I mean pixels, audio and literature. No porn substitutes, such as surfing Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram or dating apps, cruising Craigslist, underwear ads, no TikTok or YouTube Shorts, etc. If it's not real life, just say 'no'. My second suggestion is to rewire your sexual arousal to real people. This doesn't mean that you need to have sex to rewire. In stead, slowly getting to know someone is probably the best path. I decided to 'date' my wife all over again to rewire my sexual template. May your success continue!
Galatians51
Active Member
@KetchupDrool
I was reading through your journal posts, I find it incredible that you have been able to recover from all that you have been through. How did you end up going to church - was your wife attending already, or was it a suggestion from the program you went through?
Similar to something you wrote... I thought getting married would take my porn addiction away. I was a virgin when I got married, and I always thought that once I was married and had sex that all my porn problems would go away, obviously they didn't. After my first child was born, I didn't look at porn for 3-6 months (not sure how long because I wasn't tracking). And have had many times in my life that after some experience (moving, getting a new phone or computer, etc.) I thought I was done for sure. Then eventually i'd have a bad day, or series of bad days, or face some triggers, and would eventually go back to porn.
It wasn't until this current reboot that I actually admitted to myself that I was addicted, and needed help. I started researching addiction and joined this forum, quit watching tv or movies, only using internet for work, and replaced my smart phone with a "dumb" phone. These changes have really helped.
I watched the youtube video you posted on how addiction is more related to connection and environment, that's really good and helpful. Actually I read a book from Johann Hari (the guy behind the video you posted) called 'stolen focus' and that really helped me realize a lot about how technology is working against us in so many ways... and that sort of triggered this whole process for me at the beginning of this summer (though I kept failing until my aforementioned reboot).
I have an incredible family, wife and kids, church and friends. So focusing on all of that is really helpful. I think all of that (along with my faith) is why I never went really deep into porn, just looking at nude images/videos but never got into watching sex or anything like that. Either way, it had a horrible affect on my mind and emotions.
I love this. I really need to do this. I think in some ways I've been holding back sexually from my wife because I haven't felt like I deserved her. But that's just selfish - thinking only about myself and not her needs. Perhaps dating my wife again will help the whole healing process from all this stuff.
I was reading through your journal posts, I find it incredible that you have been able to recover from all that you have been through. How did you end up going to church - was your wife attending already, or was it a suggestion from the program you went through?
Similar to something you wrote... I thought getting married would take my porn addiction away. I was a virgin when I got married, and I always thought that once I was married and had sex that all my porn problems would go away, obviously they didn't. After my first child was born, I didn't look at porn for 3-6 months (not sure how long because I wasn't tracking). And have had many times in my life that after some experience (moving, getting a new phone or computer, etc.) I thought I was done for sure. Then eventually i'd have a bad day, or series of bad days, or face some triggers, and would eventually go back to porn.
It wasn't until this current reboot that I actually admitted to myself that I was addicted, and needed help. I started researching addiction and joined this forum, quit watching tv or movies, only using internet for work, and replaced my smart phone with a "dumb" phone. These changes have really helped.
I watched the youtube video you posted on how addiction is more related to connection and environment, that's really good and helpful. Actually I read a book from Johann Hari (the guy behind the video you posted) called 'stolen focus' and that really helped me realize a lot about how technology is working against us in so many ways... and that sort of triggered this whole process for me at the beginning of this summer (though I kept failing until my aforementioned reboot).
I have an incredible family, wife and kids, church and friends. So focusing on all of that is really helpful. I think all of that (along with my faith) is why I never went really deep into porn, just looking at nude images/videos but never got into watching sex or anything like that. Either way, it had a horrible affect on my mind and emotions.
I love this. I really need to do this. I think in some ways I've been holding back sexually from my wife because I haven't felt like I deserved her. But that's just selfish - thinking only about myself and not her needs. Perhaps dating my wife again will help the whole healing process from all this stuff.
KetchupDrool
Member
I've always been a believer in God. I can't remember a time when I didn't attend church growing up, apart from when I walked away from it all because of being 'mad' at God for circumstances out of my control. Almost two years ago, after I returned to the family, my wife and I attended Heart to Heart counselling. It changed my life, I finally for the first time in thirty years admitted I had no control over addiction.
Galatians51
Active Member
day 60
I just remembered this... when I would look at porn, for a few days or weeks afterwards when I would see women my mind would make me think about what they would look like naked. I didn't want to think about it and I would try to dismiss the thoughts, but often they would just keep coming. I always felt wrong for having those thoughts - even though I didn't want them.
These thoughts haven't occurred in weeks, which is great. I never want to look at women and think that way. It's like my mind was forcing to me because one of my triggers would be when I saw a really "hot" girl on tv or online I would wonder what they looked like naked and then I would search for photos or videos... I think then my brain would take that same process that I used with screens and it would then make me think that way in real life.
I'm glad my brain is cleaning itself up.
I just remembered this... when I would look at porn, for a few days or weeks afterwards when I would see women my mind would make me think about what they would look like naked. I didn't want to think about it and I would try to dismiss the thoughts, but often they would just keep coming. I always felt wrong for having those thoughts - even though I didn't want them.
These thoughts haven't occurred in weeks, which is great. I never want to look at women and think that way. It's like my mind was forcing to me because one of my triggers would be when I saw a really "hot" girl on tv or online I would wonder what they looked like naked and then I would search for photos or videos... I think then my brain would take that same process that I used with screens and it would then make me think that way in real life.
I'm glad my brain is cleaning itself up.
Galatians51
Active Member
day 63 - 9 weeks
i've been really busy the last few days, doing great, haven't had any issues or temptations
i've been really busy the last few days, doing great, haven't had any issues or temptations
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Blondie
Respected Member
Awesome @Galatians51
Galatians51
Active Member
Galatians51
Active Member
Galatians51
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day 66
KetchupDrool
Member
Keep up the fight @Galatians51
Galatians51
Active Member
Galatians51
Active Member
day 68
So last night i had probably one of the weirdest dreams I've had in a while. The dream was of me looking at porn and PMOing, and then going on reboot nation to report that i've failed, and it felt horrible.
I would understand that dream happening if that's something I thought about a lot. Sometimes it seems like the things I think about the most find their way into my dreams. However I don't think about reboot nation that much, I usually log on and track my progress and then maybe login once more during the day, but it isn't something I actively think about often. So it's very strange to me that I had a dream like that.
I continue to wonder about dreams like that. I wonder if it's a spiritual force trying to pull me back into the addiction, or if it's my brain causing them to happen - some last remnant of my neural pathways firing off on me... either way I'm not going to let it bother bother me. I woke up and didn't struggle with any thoughts about looking at porn, like I would have in the past... just felt very strange at how real and unusual that dream felt.
Anyway, aside from these unusual and annoying dreams, my reboot is going great.
So last night i had probably one of the weirdest dreams I've had in a while. The dream was of me looking at porn and PMOing, and then going on reboot nation to report that i've failed, and it felt horrible.
I would understand that dream happening if that's something I thought about a lot. Sometimes it seems like the things I think about the most find their way into my dreams. However I don't think about reboot nation that much, I usually log on and track my progress and then maybe login once more during the day, but it isn't something I actively think about often. So it's very strange to me that I had a dream like that.
I continue to wonder about dreams like that. I wonder if it's a spiritual force trying to pull me back into the addiction, or if it's my brain causing them to happen - some last remnant of my neural pathways firing off on me... either way I'm not going to let it bother bother me. I woke up and didn't struggle with any thoughts about looking at porn, like I would have in the past... just felt very strange at how real and unusual that dream felt.
Anyway, aside from these unusual and annoying dreams, my reboot is going great.