Enough is enough

Beautiful1973

Active Member
Those FB videos are shocking, I’ve got hooked on the weight training before & after shots, then a random Xrated one pops up….. I thought the same thing as you, about it not being right and the possibility of kids seeing it.
 

Galatians51

Active Member
Those FB videos are shocking, I’ve got hooked on the weight training before & after shots, then a random Xrated one pops up….. I thought the same thing as you, about it not being right and the possibility of kids seeing it.
They are sensor issues they don't want people talking about, why can't they sensor pornographic images
 

Blondie

Respected Member
These are good points. It is crazy what they allow on Facebook and even just the average non-porn internet. I haven't been on porn sites much less racy sites for ages now and all the internet cache has been deleted since my last relapse, yet I still get insane ads that are practically pornographic in nature. These days it doesn't really bother me as far as a real temptation goes, however, it just pisses me off that anyone can see that.
why can't they sensor pornographic images
The commodification of women's bodies, men too actually, brings in too much money, and money is what it's all about.
 

Galatians51

Active Member
day 113

@Blondie agreed. I read some interviews in a book about the people that write code for FB and they admitted that the more negative content is, the longer people would stay on social media, which equates to more money for them...
The commodification of women's bodies, men too actually, brings in too much money, and money is what it's all about.
 

Daybyday1988

Active Member
First of all, I went on there to check facebook marketplace for a couple items I'm trying to purchase, not to browse through the stuff people post.

Brother, social media is the worst, and im convinced it is or has already destroyed a generation. Some of the worst human qualities are shown there. Greed, narcissism, idolatry, pride, covetousness, gossip, slander, materialism etc.. Even if people have an account and justify it to be used for sharing photos or staying connected with family, there are other less damaging ways of doing this in todays world. There's text, phone, email, WhatsApp, google drive, you name it countless other forums for sharing videos and photos.

What was more disturbing is that it was from a Christian woman that goes to a good church that I know.

Unfortunately, just because a person has some of the tendencies of a Christian, like going to a church or praying, that doesn't necessarily mean that they truly are. This should be expected though, as our Lord told us so in a number of parables but one that comes to mind is in Matthew 13, the tares sown among wheat.

Typically, a person who has saving faith in Christ will exhibit certain characteristics, namely, that of bearing good fruit as the Lord says in Matthew 7:16 "You will know them by their fruits." that good fruit can be in a behavioral way as in Galatians 5:22

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

Is there anything about this church-going lady posting a nude photo of a woman as "goodness" or "self-control"? I would wager, not! Not to say that we are without sin and that we perfectly follow a righteous lifestyle, (although we are called to) but for goodness sakes, please don't get a social media account and spray nudity everywhere for others to see and lust over.

honestly brother (I assume you are Christian from your username and sig), some of the best and worst people are at churches. But what makes it so dangerous and what leads to being hurt all the more by these folks is the claim to be standing on Jesus and the Word, but the actions do not match up. You in essence, don't know what you are getting with these folks. In the world you know exactly what to expect. But in the church, you have no idea if you are getting righteousness, or hypocrisy until often, it is too late. Bless you brother, and thanks for the encouragement in your name:

Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage

🙏

-DbD
 

Galatians51

Active Member
day 115

@Daybyday1988 I agree, the church is made up of imperfect people and everyone at church can be at a different point in their relationship with God. I don't get disturbed when somebody that is Christian slips up in their behavior, we should be gracious and forgiving, especially knowing ourselves that we aren't perfect so how can we expect others to be. I guess posting content like that just crosses a line for me, it's one thing if you're having a personal struggle, but causing others to stumble is where it goes to far. Who knows, maybe that person's account got hacked, or like you say - they aren't even really a Christian. Thanks for your comment
 

Galatians51

Active Member
day 118

that dream yesterday was really messing with me in the morning, it made me want to MO, but as I was contemplating that I started thinking about wanting to look up some pictures to MO to, or even just think about pictures I had seen in the past while MOing... this was while I was in that sort of half awake half sleep mode. It took me a minute or so to snap out of it, I told myself that's not me anymore, I'm free of this. I know that if I went down that road it would be so easy to just go back to PMO. So I got over it and ended up having a great day - but it's surprising that those thoughts and feelings were coming so hard (no pun intended) at day 117... that's how I was feeling the first week or two.

I don't know if this is related to, or maybe even what caused all that to happen but I allowed myself to watch a movie the night before which I haven't done since starting this reboot. It wasn't a bad movie (Son In Law) I figured it's from 1993 and its rated pg-13, I used to watch that as a teenager so I figured it was innocent enough. There's really not much bad in it, there's one scene where a girl starts dancing as if she's going to do a striptease or something but she stops before anything is exposed. I wonder if that scene though somehow triggered my mind to have those dreams the next morning. I guess I'll never know for sure, but either way I won't be watching tv again anytime soon.

Anyway, it's great to be porn free, to be able to face a trigger/temptation and to say no to it.

do whatever it takes
 
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Galatians51

Active Member
day 124

Man I've been super busy the last few days. I just had my longest streak for not posting on here haha. Things have been great though.

@Daybyday1988 sorry for the delay in responding, but here's the benefits that I have noticed so far.

1. Physical: I didn't really have many physical symptoms for PMO addiction, just some minor things. I didn't have PIED or anything like that. The first is that anytime after PMO my back would hurt, even if I had done it laying down in bed putting no strain on my back. So my back has been feeling much better. The second (sorry to be graphic here) is the my left nut used to hang super low after PMO... scary low! lol. Like i used to see it and think i should go to a doctor, but then I would think about having to tell the doctor about my addiction and would never do anything about it. Since quitting, things are sitting much better down yonder, I don't notice it doing that at all - even after sex with my wife.

2. Mental: This is where I have seen the most change. My attitude is waaay better. I used to have crazy mood swings for a few days after each PMO - i would become irrationally angry at my family, followed by intense self loathing because I knew I was causing all this. I also notice just having a more even attitude and state of mind from not dragging my brain through the dopamine rush and crash cycles. I used to look at myself in the mirror and think to myself how much of a hypocrite and loser I was after PMO and now I feel great about myself.

3. Relationships: most important is my relationship with my wife. I haven't written much yet in my journal about this, I will at some point, but my wife doesn't know that I have had this problem during our marriage. I had told her about it when we first got together but she just thinks it is something I struggled with in the past. One time we were talking about porn, and she said that she doesn't even consider looking at nude images to even be porn - at least not in the same regard as the more intense stuff - she said that porn is watching sex videos... which I had never done, for some reason I was always able from stopping myself from going down that path, and just stayed with looking at nude images or videos... anyway that's a little bit of backstory for me - but what all of this caused is that I lost the desire for sex with my wife. We would have sex - but not super often (once every few weeks) and it was normally when she initiated it. For me, I was content to just go "flog the dolphin" (a hilarious expression I saw another rebooter use on here) anytime I was getting horny. Over time I lost attraction to my wife - which is crazy because she is so beautiful, she's literally stunning. After reading YBOP I finally realized why this happened, it was because with porn my brain was getting the massive dopamine rush from the novelty of new images and with my wife I was always seeing the same "image". This also helped me understand why I wouldn't PMO to the same images of super attractive women online - I always had to fine something new. So years of neglecting my wife's sexual desires, and my crazy mood swings from PMO, resulted in an unsatisfied marriage. We'd have good times and good days and were overall happy, but there were so many things that were wrong (because of my dark secret) that as a whole it just felt like things were headed the wrong direction in our relationship. So the biggest change for me through this reboot is that I have rekindled my love and attraction for my wife - it honestly feels like what our honeymoon should have felt like - we are way more in to each other - in more ways that one lol. Our marriage feels 100 times better than it did just a few months ago. I still have work to do, she doesn't know about my history with this addiction, and I will tell her soon, I actually started writing a letter to her that I want to give her explaining everything that has happened... I'll write more about this another day.

Anyway, I'm sure there are more benefits but that's all the time I have for today.

Stay vigilant.
 

Simon2

Well-Known Member
I love this. The way you describe things with your wife isn't too far away from what it has been like with mine at times. I always kidded myself that my PMO didn't affect the relationship. But how could it not? Really!

I think when we see these tremendous benefits of quitting it makes it so much more rewarding to stick with it - and easier. The only thing for me is that after a while I tend to forget just how different things have become and in the past I've then been prone to do "just a little" again - and eventually sliding back into it.

I look forward to reading how your letter to your wife goes over :). I should probably do something like that too...
 

Daybyday1988

Active Member
thanks so much for putting the time in to that message, brother. I really appreciate it! Although I would say I'm a bit further gone than your situation as I have PIED and have for years, I have many of the same issues. Interesting that you talk about your left nut hanging low, mine does too! my wife comments on it too saying that it looks like its running away! I'm hoping to have some type of a libido come back, as i have pretty much never been horny for actual sex for years now due to the porn consumption. If that could get consistent i would be ecstatic.

I also have some issues in that department with my wife. our sex life is pretty much what you describe yours was, once every few weeks or so. its pretty difficult for me to stay hard without stimulation and even then the erections are pretty suspect and i have to quickly put it in her before it goes down. The good part is that she is pregnant so she is not all over me like she was before so i have some time to sort of recover. looking forward to actually being interested in sex again, but i told her, its probably going to be years before im fully healed. 13 year addiction and quickly escalated into gay/trans so yeah.... gonna take awhile for my brain to get back to normal to say the least, certainly longer than most

super glad to hear about your mental clarity coming back. I constantly feel like im not where i should be with focus but it seems to be improving little by little as i approach 90 days. Mood definitely seems to be more consistent and less raging out.

thanks again for th epost and updating your journal. gives me and us hope!
 

Galatians51

Active Member
day 125
This is fantastic @Galatians51! I'm so happy for you.

Best brother. :) 👍(y)
Thank you!

I love this. The way you describe things with your wife isn't too far away from what it has been like with mine at times. I always kidded myself that my PMO didn't affect the relationship. But how could it not? Really!
Thanks man. I think PMO is built around deception... we are deceived by what we are looking at - thinking it's real but it's not. Deceived by thinking it's harmless, but it's not. Deceived by thinking it's just "my" thing and doesn't affect others. Deceived by thinking we can quit with a casual attitude towards pmo, when it really will take full determination, dedication, and sacrifice

.... somehow we allow it's lies into our minds and go along with it all. Until we have had enough of it, take a stand against it - and then realize what a fog we had been living in.
I think when we see these tremendous benefits of quitting it makes it so much more rewarding to stick with it - and easier. The only thing for me is that after a while I tend to forget just how different things have become and in the past I've then been prone to do "just a little" again - and eventually sliding back into it.
I agree... when you PMO you feel that massive rush of dopamine and it feels incredible, when you quit - it definitely doesn't feel incredible - it's actually horrible at first... and then at best we go back to our normal selves - which is great, but you don't get any sort of "rush" from that. So it's like you say - easy to forget how different things are and then remember the rush and excitement of PMO and be lured back into it. Honestly though that's not different than most good things in life... I'd much rather eat a bucket of ice cream and a bag of chips than go to the gym, I get that instant gratification from junk food, whereas the gym will take months before I see the benefits. Same with education, saving and investing money, etc. It's keeping those long term benefits in mind that aren't as momentarily gratifying as the short term counterpart, but much more fulfilling and fruitful in the long run. The trick is being able to be content in the moment, doing the right things when they don't feel as good as the wrong things, knowing the benefits of the right things are far better than the momentary gratification of the wrong thing. Easier said than done, but that's what all of us rebooters are working on doing.
I look forward to reading how your letter to your wife goes over :). I should probably do something like that too...
I don't know when i'll do it, i'm honestly terrified. I am writing a letter because I think if I tried to tell her in conversation it would be too difficult to express everything. My original plan was to be PMO free for 1 year and then give her the letter, that way she will know that I'm serious about being free of porn and she will have seen the difference of our life over the last year.

thanks so much for putting the time in to that message, brother. I really appreciate it! Although I would say I'm a bit further gone than your situation as I have PIED and have for years, I have many of the same issues. Interesting that you talk about your left nut hanging low, mine does too! my wife comments on it too saying that it looks like its running away! I'm hoping to have some type of a libido come back, as i have pretty much never been horny for actual sex for years now due to the porn consumption. If that could get consistent i would be ecstatic.

I also have some issues in that department with my wife. our sex life is pretty much what you describe yours was, once every few weeks or so. its pretty difficult for me to stay hard without stimulation and even then the erections are pretty suspect and i have to quickly put it in her before it goes down. The good part is that she is pregnant so she is not all over me like she was before so i have some time to sort of recover. looking forward to actually being interested in sex again, but i told her, its probably going to be years before im fully healed. 13 year addiction and quickly escalated into gay/trans so yeah.... gonna take awhile for my brain to get back to normal to say the least, certainly longer than most

super glad to hear about your mental clarity coming back. I constantly feel like im not where i should be with focus but it seems to be improving little by little as i approach 90 days. Mood definitely seems to be more consistent and less raging out.

thanks again for th epost and updating your journal. gives me and us hope!
Yeah man, sorry to hear how badly this stuff has affected you. Congrats on your progress - my first goal was 90 days and it felt so good to hit that milestone - so keep up the good work. Our brains do heal - amazingly, maybe yours was more affected more than mine, but from what I've read there's not a set time period as to how long your recovery will take. It could be right around the corner for you, or maybe another year (hopefully not the latter). No matter how long it takes, it's going to be worth it... not just for you, but for your wife, and your children - you'll have a great story to tell them when they get older. That's one thing that keeps me motivated, knowing that I've made a lot of mistakes in this area, but that I was able to overcome them. I have a 1 year old son, and as scared as I am of the things he will have to face in his future in this area of life, I know that I will be able to help him win the fight.
 

Daybyday1988

Active Member
yeah man this part of life is kind of scary to think about when it comes to raising a child. Ill definitely be monitoring their activity when at home, just hopefully they dont get into the trash from somewhere else!

The good part about going through this is that you can help other people in the future get clean as well. Giving back is a great thing to do
 
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