I'm through with it.

[a-a-ron]

I've been struggling with my porn addiction since I was 8. It's been a constant struggle of wanting to stop but not knowing how or not fully rebooting. This addiction is so costly and not worth it. I'm 8 days sober and each day feels like a struggle. This time I'm just trying to take it one day at a time and then go from there.

 

[a-a-ron]

The past few days have had me tense but I'm doing okay. I start working night shift tonight so even though I got plenty of sleep starting to adjust my body for it, I still feel tired. I'm nervous and anxious, hoping things go well tonight.

 

[searching4good]

Hey @a-a-ron - nice job for starting a journal. My own is proving to be such a massive help for me - a space for me to unpick my thoughts and try to make sense of what's going on and why I'm here.

Great to hear you're on the path and looking forward to fighting the good fight alongside you.

 

[a-a-ron]

@searching4good I appreciate it. I think it will help me untangle my thoughts. I tend to bottle things up and keep them hidden. I'm ready to fight the good fight.

 

[a-a-ron]

I've been on a relapse binge and my latest one was at 4:30 this morning. I've been adjusting my body to working midnights, so I have more free time. I feel like shit and at this point I feel like it's a routine and a ritual to watch porn and masturbate. I just want to stop but my actions make it look like I don't want to. I keep getting told that I don't want to change when I do. For me it's not a switch that I flip and then boom I'm changing. I struggle with trying to change. I feel like I'm weak and defective. I feel trapped and like I can't fight it right now. I'm tired and feel defeated.

 

[forceisstrong2]

Hey man, we've all been there. You've already taken a step yo recovery by recognising that this is a big problem. Read other subs. We've all started from the place you are in now - head fucked because of porn. It's not that hard to quit. The most important thing is to create a system whst works for you and also start counting those days and posting those days on this forum. Best of luck!